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Relationship for a LONG time
The complaints of my girlfriend has no limit:in her latest novel again prematurely ended – even before, as it should, to begin.But this time she was almost sure that it is long. It seems to be a serious man, and she did the"how to" — bitter experience. Now this is not the same Julia who was once a passionate, fiery, sexy, ready in the first minute Dating to pounce on her any man.
Now it has become wiser does not dress so provocatively, mysteriously and discreetly looks at her lover, not talking about himself from "all the secrets". In General, mysterious and attractive lady. And to you – again puncture. Acquainted with regular good businessman thirty-five years – she breaks up with him after two months.
What happens? Why is it sometimes so difficult to maintain a relationship with a man for a long time?
Many women believe that the reason that most of the novels not culminate in the wedding in men. Saying that now society has become so free that men no longer treat marriage with such severity as before. Representatives of the stronger sex are much easier to have Affairs, it does not take "extra" obligations (marriage, children, etc.). However, it is unlikely that these women are right 100%. After all, not only from men depends on what kind of relationship in the pair, and how long they will last.
To a greater extent the quality of couple relationships depends on the woman. "A homemaker", due to its innate qualities — wisdom, serenity, creates for men safe and blissful relaxation, tranquility, discharge in the house. When a man feels it, he'll never trade this place, this woman on anything else.
Another thing – how to create such a place, such a relationship that the man did not want to lose them.
Many women's sites give specific advice: what to do, what to do to save the relationship for a long time.
These recommendations are important, but the question is, how long will you be able to follow them. Many women are inspired by the fact that, finally, read the "secret" of how to behave with a man, try to do it exactly as written.But after a while all the "rolls" to the usual for her behavior. It is not enough simply to follow the recommendations.
In the relationship of the couple has changed, it is necessary that they first occurred in the soul of the woman – intellectual, sensual, emotional level.
One of the common misconceptions of women is that relationships should be "set" once and they will always stay at this level. In fact, a relationship with a man (and all people) can change every minute. They are not so static, not constant, that I can one day become quite the opposite. That's why they say in family life the relationship you need to work hard every day and every minute.
But I don't want to intimidate women. Actually work on a relationship – rewarded. And the best part is that if man and womanhave reached the level of closeness and trust -these relationships are very difficult to destroy by any incorrect movement. Probably work on the relationship can be compared to building a brick house. Every minute is put the next brick – or on the contrary, the brick falls down. But impossible to have a half-built house in one of the dropped brick to destroy the whole building.And Vice versa – putting only two or three brick — it is impossible to build the house.
My mother said...what kind of men you choose, and how you and them develop a relationship depends largely on you. First, you can unknowingly lead those family stereotypes all your life you have observed in your parents ' relationship.
For example, in your family it was considered normal that the mother works two jobs, while still watching the kids, the house, husband.
And unconsciously you will try to such a scenario, even if you don't like.
And men will come across the same type – believe that their function in the family is only one – to go to work. Thus, you have in your life can be somewhat similar to a marriage or simply a relationship in which you – "the workhorse" and your man – "a lazy gentleman." And they will all end with a gap (say, all tired, better be one!).
This "maximalism" is dooming you to unhappiness in any case: in the case of relations, and in the case of loneliness.
Another option is to be able to, being in relationships and not tearing them down, to create for themselves a comfortable living environment. This is probably the hardest and most important thing in life. In this "scenario" you on one side remain by itself, on the other – close to your loved one. Many people to get rid of the "parent plants" turn to psychologists, because the self is not always easy to do.
But so far that hasn't happened yet, I suggest you do self-aware, observing yourself and doing the following exercises.
WorkshopTake a piece of paper or notebook, divide the sheet into two columns. In one column on the top write "My parents", another "me and my man".In the first column describe the relationship of their parents. What do you like or liked a pair that gave you the anger, hurt, helplessness, frustration.Try to delve into memories and record as many aspects of the detail and as accurately as possible.
In the second column, describe your relationship with the man. What do you like about them and what I would like to change and how. There is also the important details, the precision, specifics. For example, "I don't like the fact that there is no harmony", and "I don't like the fact that when I want to talk to him heart to heart, he goes to the other room." Try as specific as possible to describe everything that comes to your mind.
Now look at two columns simultaneously. Read several times that you described in the first and second. Is there something similar in these respects?If Yes, then know this: you follow the script your parents. As far as you're satisfied with this behavior? If the second list is quite similar – it means that you follow "antistenai" of the family. That too may not be very positive, because your actions are aimed to make "it's not like your family" and not to do what you the most comfortable. After all, for example, your mother is not at all acted wrongly, much of her behavior can be useful for inheritance.
After analyzing all the information on the following sheet of paper, you can already describe your desired relationship with your man.Deliberately, like an adult. It is possible that some of this will match the behavior in your parental family, but you choose consciously, on their own.
And what is self-esteem?The quality and duration of relationships with men may largely depend on your self-esteem and attitude. Your partner largely does not happen to you. So, in this period of life you need that person to work on them. Because, surprisingly, he is the mirror and reflects to you what is in you. For example, you're mad that he's sloppy, undisciplined.Actually you necessarily have this trait, but you don't want her to notice and accept yourself. Take means to see her, agree with her. The same can be about things like that. You loved the sense of humor of his men – hence, you have this quality, and you accept and cherish yourself.
After observing the partner and behind you, in fact, can make many amazing discoveries. We will continue our workshop.
On the next page of your journal also recerti two columns.
In the first write down everything you like about your partner. Including every little thing – for example, "learning to dress," etc.
In the second column write down everything you on the contrary, do not like to feel annoyed, angry, depressing. Can fill these two lists. They fully reflect your personality! The first column is what is in you and what you do, love yourself, and love others. The second column is a guide to action, to work on themselves. Your zone of proximal development – the points of the second column to start to consider those "opposite" qualities and try to adopt them and then to change, to transform. Perhaps at this stage you may need the help of a psychologist.
Starting to change itself, you'll see how to begin to change and your man.Perhaps, then, your relationship will truly become strong and they will not break anything. And most importantly – they will last a long time. published
Author: Elena Mitina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: elenamitina.com.ua/publications/otnosheniya-s-muzhchinoy-nadolgo.html
Now it has become wiser does not dress so provocatively, mysteriously and discreetly looks at her lover, not talking about himself from "all the secrets". In General, mysterious and attractive lady. And to you – again puncture. Acquainted with regular good businessman thirty-five years – she breaks up with him after two months.
What happens? Why is it sometimes so difficult to maintain a relationship with a man for a long time?
Many women believe that the reason that most of the novels not culminate in the wedding in men. Saying that now society has become so free that men no longer treat marriage with such severity as before. Representatives of the stronger sex are much easier to have Affairs, it does not take "extra" obligations (marriage, children, etc.). However, it is unlikely that these women are right 100%. After all, not only from men depends on what kind of relationship in the pair, and how long they will last.
To a greater extent the quality of couple relationships depends on the woman. "A homemaker", due to its innate qualities — wisdom, serenity, creates for men safe and blissful relaxation, tranquility, discharge in the house. When a man feels it, he'll never trade this place, this woman on anything else.
Another thing – how to create such a place, such a relationship that the man did not want to lose them.
Many women's sites give specific advice: what to do, what to do to save the relationship for a long time.
These recommendations are important, but the question is, how long will you be able to follow them. Many women are inspired by the fact that, finally, read the "secret" of how to behave with a man, try to do it exactly as written.But after a while all the "rolls" to the usual for her behavior. It is not enough simply to follow the recommendations.
In the relationship of the couple has changed, it is necessary that they first occurred in the soul of the woman – intellectual, sensual, emotional level.
One of the common misconceptions of women is that relationships should be "set" once and they will always stay at this level. In fact, a relationship with a man (and all people) can change every minute. They are not so static, not constant, that I can one day become quite the opposite. That's why they say in family life the relationship you need to work hard every day and every minute.
But I don't want to intimidate women. Actually work on a relationship – rewarded. And the best part is that if man and womanhave reached the level of closeness and trust -these relationships are very difficult to destroy by any incorrect movement. Probably work on the relationship can be compared to building a brick house. Every minute is put the next brick – or on the contrary, the brick falls down. But impossible to have a half-built house in one of the dropped brick to destroy the whole building.And Vice versa – putting only two or three brick — it is impossible to build the house.
My mother said...what kind of men you choose, and how you and them develop a relationship depends largely on you. First, you can unknowingly lead those family stereotypes all your life you have observed in your parents ' relationship.
For example, in your family it was considered normal that the mother works two jobs, while still watching the kids, the house, husband.
And unconsciously you will try to such a scenario, even if you don't like.
And men will come across the same type – believe that their function in the family is only one – to go to work. Thus, you have in your life can be somewhat similar to a marriage or simply a relationship in which you – "the workhorse" and your man – "a lazy gentleman." And they will all end with a gap (say, all tired, better be one!).
This "maximalism" is dooming you to unhappiness in any case: in the case of relations, and in the case of loneliness.
Another option is to be able to, being in relationships and not tearing them down, to create for themselves a comfortable living environment. This is probably the hardest and most important thing in life. In this "scenario" you on one side remain by itself, on the other – close to your loved one. Many people to get rid of the "parent plants" turn to psychologists, because the self is not always easy to do.
But so far that hasn't happened yet, I suggest you do self-aware, observing yourself and doing the following exercises.
WorkshopTake a piece of paper or notebook, divide the sheet into two columns. In one column on the top write "My parents", another "me and my man".In the first column describe the relationship of their parents. What do you like or liked a pair that gave you the anger, hurt, helplessness, frustration.Try to delve into memories and record as many aspects of the detail and as accurately as possible.
In the second column, describe your relationship with the man. What do you like about them and what I would like to change and how. There is also the important details, the precision, specifics. For example, "I don't like the fact that there is no harmony", and "I don't like the fact that when I want to talk to him heart to heart, he goes to the other room." Try as specific as possible to describe everything that comes to your mind.
Now look at two columns simultaneously. Read several times that you described in the first and second. Is there something similar in these respects?If Yes, then know this: you follow the script your parents. As far as you're satisfied with this behavior? If the second list is quite similar – it means that you follow "antistenai" of the family. That too may not be very positive, because your actions are aimed to make "it's not like your family" and not to do what you the most comfortable. After all, for example, your mother is not at all acted wrongly, much of her behavior can be useful for inheritance.
After analyzing all the information on the following sheet of paper, you can already describe your desired relationship with your man.Deliberately, like an adult. It is possible that some of this will match the behavior in your parental family, but you choose consciously, on their own.
And what is self-esteem?The quality and duration of relationships with men may largely depend on your self-esteem and attitude. Your partner largely does not happen to you. So, in this period of life you need that person to work on them. Because, surprisingly, he is the mirror and reflects to you what is in you. For example, you're mad that he's sloppy, undisciplined.Actually you necessarily have this trait, but you don't want her to notice and accept yourself. Take means to see her, agree with her. The same can be about things like that. You loved the sense of humor of his men – hence, you have this quality, and you accept and cherish yourself.
After observing the partner and behind you, in fact, can make many amazing discoveries. We will continue our workshop.
On the next page of your journal also recerti two columns.
In the first write down everything you like about your partner. Including every little thing – for example, "learning to dress," etc.
In the second column write down everything you on the contrary, do not like to feel annoyed, angry, depressing. Can fill these two lists. They fully reflect your personality! The first column is what is in you and what you do, love yourself, and love others. The second column is a guide to action, to work on themselves. Your zone of proximal development – the points of the second column to start to consider those "opposite" qualities and try to adopt them and then to change, to transform. Perhaps at this stage you may need the help of a psychologist.
Starting to change itself, you'll see how to begin to change and your man.Perhaps, then, your relationship will truly become strong and they will not break anything. And most importantly – they will last a long time. published
Author: Elena Mitina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: elenamitina.com.ua/publications/otnosheniya-s-muzhchinoy-nadolgo.html
