Why many women in love are older children Bashny.Net

There is a huge gap between true love and love addiction. Many people confuse these concepts and drive themselves into a psychological trap. This is stated by Elena Mitina – Gestalt therapist. Elena Mitina told what mental dependence on a person is and how it affects our mental and emotional state. Today we will try to understand what true love is and how to distinguish it from unhealthy love. love addiction.



Psychologist believes that some people due to the lack of personal resources simply can not really love. Simply put, they have not grown to true love. So many people fall in love and become addicted to the object of passion. At first, everything looks quite rosy - the person is happy, he is full of strength and energy while he is with the object of adoration. But it happens up to a certain point.



Signs of love addiction

1. Reproductive instinct Activation of sex hormones is necessary for a person in order to have time to replenish his family. If a person has not learned to cope with his instincts, he will follow their lead. All that remains of such a person is to chase the object of love at all costs.
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Attention deficit Parental care plays a very important role in the development of a psychologically healthy personality. If a person has not received the care, attention, praise, support from his parents, he will try to make up for all this with the help of the person with whom he is in love. As a result, praise, recognition, support of the beloved will cause euphoria. You'll want more attention. In this situation, it is clear that a dependent person will not succeed in quenching his thirst. He will try to subjugate the object of passion so that the sense of satisfaction from attention does not fade.
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Mixed feelings “The entrance is a ruble, and the output is a million,” says Elena Mitina. The more a dependent person gravitates towards the object of adoration, the more he will hate himself and lose self-esteem. So rapidly growing passion will be replaced by hatred. Because a person begins to lose his own self, voluntarily submitting himself to another person. And the more contradictory the feelings, the harder it is to get out of this trap.
   
   
   
   
   
   

The principle of psychological dependence on another person alone. Pleasant experiences of pleasure from falling in love inspire a person. It seems as if the sun is shining brighter, and you are ready to conquer any peaks without a drop of fear. The only fatal catch is that this whole fairy tale can only collapse because it depends on the other person.



The problem is that the object of adoration is always idealized by the subconscious mind of the addict. That is, positive traits are extolled and negative ones ignored. While falling in love grows, the addict can still switch to everyday activities. But the less he is fond of hobbies, communication with friends, the faster he will be absorbed by love addiction.



People are literally trapped. He ceases to control his emotions and behavior. From now on, all dreams, plans, hopes are subordinated to the object of love. Then there is panic and fear of losing the only source of pleasure in life. From this, the addict attaches even more to the object of adoration. Eventually, the object of love will want to escape.



If this happens, it is important to understand that your personality needs to develop. After all, only self-sufficient people can build strong and healthy relationships. This is the only way to come to mutual love, respect and understanding between lovers. To love and unselfishly care for another person can only one who has become independent and psychologically mature.



"People are older children who think they're adults," the psychologists say. And in order to get out of this state, and there is psychotherapy. Mental dependence is a serious condition from which it is very difficult to get out alone. Only with the help of a good specialist will you get an adequate look at the real world. Until then, this person remains infantile and weak, he does not control his life.

It is only when a person stops feeding himself with illusions and begins to work on the relationship that he begins to truly love. But first you have to take care of yourself.