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Parent CODE — read for ALL parents!
I want to write about those rules that I learned from childhood and are now trying (when not included my mother) to observe them with their children. I'll write up a list (that you remember), and you, my dear readers, add. So we will make a collective parental code.
1. Mom — the whole world.
Never say: "Then I won't love you". This includes the phrase: "I wish I'd never gave birth to You, it is one punishment (losses)" "So I don't need you!" and so on. These phrases evoke the fear of death. Why? Because the second after fear of death fear of being expelled, thrown out, separated, and then die. One child will not survive in the world. And the mother is the whole world for a child. First, we will deal with her as with the world, then we grow up, we begin to communicate with the world, as a mother, proving that he is worthy of her love, acceptance, living with her.
I often say to my children about love, they me too. I often tell them how they are important to me that my life has become much better and more interesting with their birth. They sometimes do ask for it, beginning:"Mom, really good that you gave birth to me? If I wasn't, who would you help....(the following is a listing of their usefulness)?"
2. Not to alienate your child when he climbs on hands, cuddle, kiss.
For me there is no question — to teach or not to teach a child to the hands? Physical contact is very important, even for an adult. And the child it is necessary as air. My mother dismissed me with the words: "Get off your calf tenderness, you're a big girl" And petting with the Pope was ban from a very early age.
Max — to sit on my lap. Still I keep physical distance with the people is very tough, but if we are to seize upon caresses, voracious. His mom, I was able to hold only three or four years ago. How to tell her that I love her. If anything, I consciously worked on this. Up to this point it seemed to me that this is unrealistic.
3. Never doubt the goodness of your child.
Believe in him. Who would not say that I hadn't seen your eyes first come to find out everything from it, understand, why he did something or did not do. But always, always, always mean that it initially light and all his thoughts are pure. But if I see blatant evil, it is implied that he did it for good reasons, which are involved in the sense of self-preservation. It is necessary to look at the child with the eyes of God. The word love is the People of God Wedowee, that is, who look at each other like to perfection.
In my childhood there were many cases when the mother doubted me and talked to me like I'm some monster. I was very bad in those moments. She didn't hear me, she had it all figured out, what I am and what me to do. And I felt betrayed. Questioned. In General, I am often asked how I manage so unconditionally believe in their children. I'll write about it in any detail, because this topic requires a separate discussion. Yet I will say that I do not tire of repeating in my seminars – where there is fear, there no faith. And where there is no faith, no love.
4. Not to continue the fight and not hold a grudge on each other for more than 30 minutes.
The person next most valuable, that we're each other prove. Need to put up quickly. Because all garbage. In any case, not to declare "boycott" to your child. My mother could keep ignore me for days, seeking my humiliation, tears and begging to admit that I am. At such moments, the child feels like a zero, a nonentity.
Due to the fact that he lives fast, he can not remember the beginning of the conflict, who is right and who is wrong. He suffers that his resets, he died. In adulthood, the demonstrative refusal to communicate with me, I equate his death to this man, but I got used to die for the mother, I is not touching.
I was just leaving. I stopped playing this game when a mother two years ago, after another conflict declared ignore me. We then lived together and some of my questions, requests and so she didn't react, considering I did nothing. I got sick with scarlet fever, began to die in the literal sense. It didn't work, I have no one rushed to save, and I decided — to hell with you goldfish.
We haven't talked in six months, living in the same apartment. I'm not being angry or offended. I was ready to talk, and the children explained that native people can pass through different stages and that my grandmother still understands that this is a stupid and useless game. At some point we just started talking, as if nothing had happened. Since she didn't do it.
5. Not to go to sleep if there is a soul in something bad.
Worse than not, when you lie in childhood, quite alone, after the shout "Go to sleep!" with a bunch of ideas, and the future frightens his uncertainty, because dragging it in the trash. It is necessary to say goodbye for the night with each other, releasing all the bad things that happened during the day and taking the next day only the good.
Sleep is a small death. Night divides our lives into lots of little lives. We have a boys have no such rituals that are important to a small child. But to say goodbye, to hug each other and say something warm, say all concerned, to dream is necessary.
6. You can't start the morning of the child with words: "You're going to Wake up? How can you Wake up!", thus pulling off a blanket.
For me the awakening was always very important. As I Wake up and the day will go. I know how important it is "to meet" from a dream. It's like you are born. But the mother accompanies her in a dream and meets from a dream in the childhood. Of such trifles there is a feeling of stability of physical reality. Or, to put it simply: "Everything will be fine!". Younger I the lark and gets up before I do.
He wakes up and some time lying in bed. Then resorted to me, kisses me and goes about their business. Senior the same Sleepyhead as I am, so I Wake him up for Breakfast. I sit him on the edge of the bed and begin to think of something funny to say. He smiles, still not opening his eyes. Then stretches, and wished me good morning. Sometimes he woke up, waiting, when I come in to Wake him up without getting up. No, when he had to get up early, he wakes up and he wakes me up already dressed and washed. Wakes gently. Taught.
7. To go to walk to the door and to meet at the threshold when I came in.
This is what I wrote. The feeling of home like the fortress in which you are always waiting for and love should be everyone.
8. Never put material above the child.
Well, here I'm talking about hysterics concerning the broken Cup or the torn pants. My mom was convinced that berating me for the bad thing, it instills me thrift. Nothing but the understanding that I am not important to her, she is not instilled. Since then, I decided that in my world, people are more important than things, no matter how much these things cost and how to be memorable they were. Thrift comes or when it's important to you or important to you when the joy of another person. But not swearing.
9. Talk with your child honestly, on all topics, and calling a spade a spade.
10. To ask the views of children on matters that affect their lives.
11. To observe personal space.
Namely (and including), not to read emails, chat, texts, listen to conversations and ask what he wants to say unless it affects your life and security.
Teach children to dream and not to be afraid of...What do the smart people, while the others hoisted their children on the needle tablets and samrtphonesWell, that's all I remember. Of course, there are exceptions to these rules. I'm alive. published
Author: Elizabeth Kolobov
Source: vetka0.livejournal.com/151850.html
1. Mom — the whole world.
Never say: "Then I won't love you". This includes the phrase: "I wish I'd never gave birth to You, it is one punishment (losses)" "So I don't need you!" and so on. These phrases evoke the fear of death. Why? Because the second after fear of death fear of being expelled, thrown out, separated, and then die. One child will not survive in the world. And the mother is the whole world for a child. First, we will deal with her as with the world, then we grow up, we begin to communicate with the world, as a mother, proving that he is worthy of her love, acceptance, living with her.
I often say to my children about love, they me too. I often tell them how they are important to me that my life has become much better and more interesting with their birth. They sometimes do ask for it, beginning:"Mom, really good that you gave birth to me? If I wasn't, who would you help....(the following is a listing of their usefulness)?"
2. Not to alienate your child when he climbs on hands, cuddle, kiss.
For me there is no question — to teach or not to teach a child to the hands? Physical contact is very important, even for an adult. And the child it is necessary as air. My mother dismissed me with the words: "Get off your calf tenderness, you're a big girl" And petting with the Pope was ban from a very early age.
Max — to sit on my lap. Still I keep physical distance with the people is very tough, but if we are to seize upon caresses, voracious. His mom, I was able to hold only three or four years ago. How to tell her that I love her. If anything, I consciously worked on this. Up to this point it seemed to me that this is unrealistic.
3. Never doubt the goodness of your child.
Believe in him. Who would not say that I hadn't seen your eyes first come to find out everything from it, understand, why he did something or did not do. But always, always, always mean that it initially light and all his thoughts are pure. But if I see blatant evil, it is implied that he did it for good reasons, which are involved in the sense of self-preservation. It is necessary to look at the child with the eyes of God. The word love is the People of God Wedowee, that is, who look at each other like to perfection.
In my childhood there were many cases when the mother doubted me and talked to me like I'm some monster. I was very bad in those moments. She didn't hear me, she had it all figured out, what I am and what me to do. And I felt betrayed. Questioned. In General, I am often asked how I manage so unconditionally believe in their children. I'll write about it in any detail, because this topic requires a separate discussion. Yet I will say that I do not tire of repeating in my seminars – where there is fear, there no faith. And where there is no faith, no love.
4. Not to continue the fight and not hold a grudge on each other for more than 30 minutes.
The person next most valuable, that we're each other prove. Need to put up quickly. Because all garbage. In any case, not to declare "boycott" to your child. My mother could keep ignore me for days, seeking my humiliation, tears and begging to admit that I am. At such moments, the child feels like a zero, a nonentity.
Due to the fact that he lives fast, he can not remember the beginning of the conflict, who is right and who is wrong. He suffers that his resets, he died. In adulthood, the demonstrative refusal to communicate with me, I equate his death to this man, but I got used to die for the mother, I is not touching.
I was just leaving. I stopped playing this game when a mother two years ago, after another conflict declared ignore me. We then lived together and some of my questions, requests and so she didn't react, considering I did nothing. I got sick with scarlet fever, began to die in the literal sense. It didn't work, I have no one rushed to save, and I decided — to hell with you goldfish.
We haven't talked in six months, living in the same apartment. I'm not being angry or offended. I was ready to talk, and the children explained that native people can pass through different stages and that my grandmother still understands that this is a stupid and useless game. At some point we just started talking, as if nothing had happened. Since she didn't do it.
5. Not to go to sleep if there is a soul in something bad.
Worse than not, when you lie in childhood, quite alone, after the shout "Go to sleep!" with a bunch of ideas, and the future frightens his uncertainty, because dragging it in the trash. It is necessary to say goodbye for the night with each other, releasing all the bad things that happened during the day and taking the next day only the good.
Sleep is a small death. Night divides our lives into lots of little lives. We have a boys have no such rituals that are important to a small child. But to say goodbye, to hug each other and say something warm, say all concerned, to dream is necessary.
6. You can't start the morning of the child with words: "You're going to Wake up? How can you Wake up!", thus pulling off a blanket.
For me the awakening was always very important. As I Wake up and the day will go. I know how important it is "to meet" from a dream. It's like you are born. But the mother accompanies her in a dream and meets from a dream in the childhood. Of such trifles there is a feeling of stability of physical reality. Or, to put it simply: "Everything will be fine!". Younger I the lark and gets up before I do.
He wakes up and some time lying in bed. Then resorted to me, kisses me and goes about their business. Senior the same Sleepyhead as I am, so I Wake him up for Breakfast. I sit him on the edge of the bed and begin to think of something funny to say. He smiles, still not opening his eyes. Then stretches, and wished me good morning. Sometimes he woke up, waiting, when I come in to Wake him up without getting up. No, when he had to get up early, he wakes up and he wakes me up already dressed and washed. Wakes gently. Taught.
7. To go to walk to the door and to meet at the threshold when I came in.
This is what I wrote. The feeling of home like the fortress in which you are always waiting for and love should be everyone.
8. Never put material above the child.
Well, here I'm talking about hysterics concerning the broken Cup or the torn pants. My mom was convinced that berating me for the bad thing, it instills me thrift. Nothing but the understanding that I am not important to her, she is not instilled. Since then, I decided that in my world, people are more important than things, no matter how much these things cost and how to be memorable they were. Thrift comes or when it's important to you or important to you when the joy of another person. But not swearing.
9. Talk with your child honestly, on all topics, and calling a spade a spade.
10. To ask the views of children on matters that affect their lives.
11. To observe personal space.
Namely (and including), not to read emails, chat, texts, listen to conversations and ask what he wants to say unless it affects your life and security.
Teach children to dream and not to be afraid of...What do the smart people, while the others hoisted their children on the needle tablets and samrtphonesWell, that's all I remember. Of course, there are exceptions to these rules. I'm alive. published
Author: Elizabeth Kolobov
Source: vetka0.livejournal.com/151850.html
