5 brilliant comic sketches about Israeli grandmothers

The Israeli grandma is unlike any other grandmother? That overwhelming desire to feed, to warm and to take care of (regardless of the desires of others and other small factors) in Israeli grandmother combined with rare zest for life, a large ego and strong confidence that all that doesn't kill you, too, should feed. The website offers the reader some sketches of Yuki, a woman of Israeli grandmothers.





When I grow up, I will be an Israeli grandma.

First, it is beautiful.

One day my mamulek came to challenge the 95-year-old grandmother: she complained of dizziness. Grandma was sitting in a chair under the air conditioner in full regalia — that is, makeup, complicated hairdo, dress with a deep neckline, high heels, nail Polish, cigarette.

— Well, how old do I look? — the first thing my grandmother asked, dodging the stethoscope. — Don't lie.

Mamulek thought. Natural age grandmother had known. "If forty, to please, take about five years, and fifty — ten, if she is now ninety-five..." mummy has always been bad with math.

— Seventy! — mamulek said confidently.

Well, for a couple of years you're wrong, ' replied the grandmother. — OK, watch me carefully, watch the hair.

Second, Israeli grandmothers always know.

You can ask them about anything, grandma will be answered quickly and confidently.

For example, in Park child sees an elderly but vigorous Dachshund and asks:

— What is a dog?

— Shepherd, responsible grandmother.

The child thinks, Dachshund, slowly wagging butt, sniffs eucalyptus.

— Why is she so small? — asks the inquisitive child.

Grandmother looks disapprovingly at the Dachshund.

Because bad eat, — said the grandmother. — Everyone who eats poorly, does not grow.

Even if an Israeli grandmother or what not to ask, she still knows everything. A grandma is useless. Early one morning the phone rang, I picked it up because the parents were at work, and out of the tube I cried

— Lucy, where are you going, this is my grandmother, she's worried.

Is not Lucy, politely I replied.

— So call me Lucy, what are you messing with me!

— Sorry, there's no Lucy.

— So she went where?

— No, there are no Lucy, you got the wrong number.

— That I made a mistake, I'm here every day calling. So where is Lucy?

— You still have the wrong number.

Tube for a second, pauses, and then asked suspiciously:

— And what are you?

I'm lost and mutter:

I'm not Lucy.

Tube grandma inside is irritated.

Yeah I hear what you're not Lucy, too Lucy, and Lucy somewhere?

— You have the wrong room, Lucy's not even here patiently I say.

— Oh, no, you didn't tell me! shouts the tube. Okay, I'm going to call you back.

The second call from Lucenay grandma I could not wait cowardly fled to the sea.

And on the beach — wind, waves, the black flag on the booth lifeguards, the sand is rammed in his ears and everywhere, we sit with a child a Child wrapped in a towel, and breathe, we need it, we have two days to fly back to Moscow. Next to grandma is struggling with a huge striped umbrella and grandfather, who inadvertently criticizes the grandmother:

— I have sciatica, I'm not going to sit here.

— It will clear up soon — meets grandmother.

And I knew that it will be, even on the radio — wave height of two meters. What about you? You said — great weather, Bob, let's go for a walk, — whines grandfather.

Grandma wins the umbrella, smooth on grandpa gray curls and said:

— What are you complaining about, Bob? Or we don't ventilate?

Third, Israeli grandmothers always have food. And they always want to feed. It doesn't matter where you met grandma at the beach, on the bus, in the desert — you have to be prepared for the fact that now there will be food, lots of food, lots of food. To resist does not make sense, you just have to relax and eat.

Once I flew to tel Aviv with my grandmother and felt sorry for her in advance — I'm honored aerophobia, can uncontrolled cry, turn blue, unable to cling to what's closest. Once I broke the armrest.

While the flight attendants were smiling and making sure everything is fastened, the grandmother sat quietly. As soon as the plane began to taxi on Vzletka, grandma took a bag with pies and sandwiches.

— Well, — said the grandmother as if to nowhere — we'll eat right away.

I was just reaching for a special bag so it can breathe.

— Take the cake, ' said my grandmother.

I shook my head. Because we're supposed to take off, what pies I teeth to unclench could not.

— You look pale, grandma said, — you have here in Moscow, of course, all pale, it's because you eat poorly. You must have anemia. When anemia is, you have to eat fat, everything they say about the cholesterol, but I will say this — the child needs to eat well. Take the cake.
I'm almost forty years, and the anemia I do not suffer.

'Well,' said Granny loudly, referring to the neighbors on the side, front and back. — Look, she doesn't want pie!

Some of the neighbors looked concerned. The plane buzzed and took off, grandma was relentless.

— Or you take the cake — or I don't know, ' she said.

I took the cake. And I ate cake under the approving gaze of his grandmother, and then another pie and a sandwich, and pie. When the flight attendant brought lunch, his grandmother is angrily rejected.

— We have our own, she said. — See the girl eats, even eating, we got a long way to go.

Four hours grandmother told me about his family. She has seven children, nineteen grandchildren and (so far) only four great-grandchildren.

— Every Friday they come to me to dinner, ' said the grandmother. Because who will feed them? But child, remember, always needs to eat well.

When we came in to land on tel Aviv beach — and there's a plane always makes like a flapping wing, I serenely ate a bun with cheese. After all, when the next Israeli grandmother, with the answer to every question and the supply of food, you can be sure that everything will be fine.

Because grandma said so.

via booknik.ru/today/stariki/babushka-tak-skazala/