"To teach means to praise": a mother of three children bad grades, and unhappy teachers

I am 37 years old. And fifteen of them I make good money writing lyrics. And price know yourself. See the confirmation of his own success in the world.

But if I found an editor who does not like my articles which gets them over and over again with the requirement to rewrite, reduce, to be careful (as if I'm not careful the default), test, finally, all the data (as if I don't check) and subtract all the commas — I'm starting to doubt myself.

And if you imagine me being up the person who is watching as I write every sentence and commented: "Again, you start a sentence with "but"! How many times have I told you not to do such big paragraphs! You can't remember that long phrase in the announcement is invalid?" — I doubt that they are able to write at least a page.

I know — I know how to write lyrics. But when I criticize, I sizzle up and not capable of anything.

I'm not the only one. Several successful friends went from their high and Oh-Oh-Oh-very well paid positions for only one reason — they are cursed. And they didn't want to. Not because they are delicate flowers, not at all. Just when they were reviled, they started to suffer. And work worse than you do not respect yourself.

I see shrugged adult men, when you tell them: "figure out how to do it, you're better than anyone can do it!" and they rolled up the mountain. Not for the money. And not for the position. But because they saw what they believe in, and become heroes.

And they, just yesterday, has made incredible, talented, adventurous, and beautiful — face, shoulders, with the meeting at which they explained what they nothing.

The same happens with the famous, past copper pipe producers, who, having gone through a shaft derogatory criticism, are closed and not immediately find the strength to proceed to the next movie or the play. With the actors. With all the people. Which in principle I do not like, do not want, and avoid situations when they are not satisfied.

I'm here to what. I can not imagine how our young children learn.

When we teach our children — small, very unprotected neither from the world nor from us, the adults, and all-powerful — we often criticize them. Too often.

Blame is stupid. But it's easy. Praise — much more difficult. And much more important.

Over the past month in our family there was two stories directly relevant to question, to criticize or praise. They so clearly showed the mechanism, I do not understand it was simply impossible.

In secondary school my girls-the twins are so-so. First, because we treat it carelessly and strongly inculcated disregard for the estimates, and secondly, because children often get sick and miss school, and thirdly, because something like that happened.

The school occupies in our lives is exactly the kind of place that, in our opinion, and needs, is not the most important.

So to all, and, but a month ago, the teacher told Lida and Maria, he wanted to put them on the school Olympics.

What happened! Children as a substitute! Notebooks have become neat job in the diary written legibly, and the thirst for knowledge which was formed! The first student class began! Seriously! We do not at first believed, but when I called cool and became our children, to extol, we've delved into — really, I got all a's. How can you not praise!

For the Olympics they were never nominated, but this habit well they have already formed. And now without the Olympics they learn well. In any case, much better than before they began to praise.

In music school my girls were the first pupils. But suddenly the teacher of solfeggio became their curse. Something she actively did not like, and she began to find fault with everything and notes they write and sing not commercials, and do not write dictations, and with the two trouble. All this, of course, not alone, but with the whole class. And not just once.

When I asked what was the matter, the teacher said that the girls, of course, is good, and the data is great, but they must prove worthy of this school.

And claim, they say, needs to motivate them to learn better. She nowhere claims. They do not do everything perfectly.

It was the truth. They did not all perfect. I would even say that they are pupils of the second class, did everything imperfectly. And I thought that this is actually normal. They are also learning. And if they are not to blame and to praise, the results will be much better.

But then my teacher didn't match. And she continued to scold them.

And it ended up that my children rested firmly: "I will Not go more on ear training!" — hysteria video. I resisted, convinced, bribed and begged, but when Mary said that the teacher dreamed of her at night, and began every half hour to run to the toilet, I realized — Yes, we're not going. Despite excellent data.

Because when children are regularly abused – it's not working. At all. And why teachers don't understand it — one of the biggest mysteries for me.

No, I know the answer.

Praise is difficult. Much easier is to blame. Cursing, you do not assume any responsibility and involvement in what is happening in the education of the child. When criticized, to separate themselves, smart, from him, always guilty: "I still have several times explained!" (if you're a teacher), or "Again the two got! Idiot! Yesterday two hours were taught!" (if you're a parent).

You are an adult, you get all white and fluffy, and very correct, and the baby was coming out idiot, unable to show the desired result.

And he's not an idiot. He was distracted. Or afraid of a fluorescent lamp, which began to flash and the entire class suddenly started to crackle. Or afraid that parents again, estimates will not be satisfied.

But any child can learn. Only for this we need to praise him. Because children are people too. And they too, like us adults, looking for approval and support. They want to be admired. Their victories were happy. They are ready to move mountains for the sake of it. Not for the sake of ratings.

Praise be to the only properly written letter "u" in all lines of division.

Cut around it sinenky and praise again. And then the grandmother to show when the child — look, well, kind of done as good written the letter "u".

To praise for what she remembered that tomorrow it is necessary to take glue and scissors to school.

And that hung the school uniform.

And for sharing Breakfast with a classmate who this Breakfast forgotten.

And for the fact that the exercise did not cry like last time, and ran with them.

When it seems that there is nothing to praise, you have to invent reasons and still support, to encourage, to lift above the abyss of disbelief. To create a sort of cushion for inner self-awareness of the child safety cushion of the approval, faith and praise, which will protect it from the attacks of such here — as we met on ear training — teacher.


Also interesting: How I stopped being angry at their children

Lyudmila Petranovskaya: Most theories of education.

My children were small airbag. And she was not saved. We are very upset, but the conclusions made. Have removed this teacher from our social life, all the time and for all the praise of children.

Let's see how they will survive a collision with a negative next time. I, an adult, 37-year-old, still stand the negativity is bad.published


Author: Katerina Antonova


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: ponaroshku.ru/blog/uchit-znachit-khvalit-mama-troikh-detey-pro-otsenki-nedovolnykh-uchiteley/


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