Child sneak: What to do

Tattling is only a means to achieve what I want

It is considered that the Snitch is bad. Why is a child there is a desire to inform adults about what peers are doing? And how else the child can learn from parents, good or bad act is committed by any person, about what he says?

The three-year old child's mind is in the formative stage. To evaluate the action, the toddler can only looking at the reaction of adults. When he informs the parents or caregiver: "nick pushed me off the swing, and it was my turn," then actually trying to Express two thoughts to tell of injustice and to know if what I did nick, bad. On the other hand, if the child complains too often, it may ruffle anyone. But in any case shy away from that. It is better to try to understand what's behind it.

Until the child was 3 years old, to say the word "sneak" is simply meaningless. To Snitch, need at least to be good at to talk, and to foresee the consequences of their actions.

And at the age of 3 years children first, only gaining vocabulary and learning to understand the meaning of spoken words, and, secondly, are unable to predict the consequences of some action or word. Good or bad they did, the kids just think by the reaction of an adult. So that the baby likely came to tell my mom that he so well could explain in words what he sees.

At this age, if you suspect symptoms of bednesti, just switch the child's attention: "Roofing felt watching a cartoon? What are you doing? In playing with cars? Build a garage, and then I'll show you!" But if you immediately go to punish older, thus lay the first brick of the true arenicola. Or a typical situation where a child runs to an adult with the message that someone took his toy. It is also not tattling. Just as long as the child is hoping for more help from an adult than on their own.

With 3 years old child enters pre-school age. In the foreground, her Majesty Game, and the game is collaborative, requiring the ability to communicate with other children. There comes a "social" period of development. Great "levels" comes into its own, the child wants to be told "how", "what" and "why." He sees different patterns of behavior from mom, dad, grandma, the teacher and tries to apply them. And it is so important to explaining the adult about "what is good and what is bad"!

Parents whose children are aged 3-5 years, you need to understand what the child is telling you about something or someone, often has no "low" goals. He just shares information! Because in a family you also tell your husband that "created" the child or told you the mother-in-law. If someone say you Snitch, then you get angry, they say, no, I'm just sharing impressions, emotions, facts!

The child observes this and sees the complaints nothing wrong with that. It is also necessary to share experiences, and emotions, and facts. Your task is to discuss with him, rightly or wrongly, behaved the other children, himself and how best to behave next time. Will be even better, if you incenerate tell the baby the situation with the help of toys.

Child on the road to home tells how the teacher scolded the boys and they even put them in the corner. How the boy doll looked like a girl called her "turtle"... Tattling? Likely not. The apparent paradox in the behavior of a child under the age of 5 years, is that it could realistically only be assessed by someone else's behavior.

This is the period when "in another's eye see the speck, but in its logs do not notice", but that's developing psyche. This is a necessary stage, and then to learn to evaluate their actions, but this happens later in 5-7 years. That is why children talk about others ' misdeeds. It is important that mum thinks about it. It is through the mother they learn social norms of communication and learn to evaluate their behavior as well.

What if the mother will abort the child categorically "don't complain" and "don't tattle"? Child, several times after receiving such a response, digs in and won't tell my mom about life in the garden. The child will not get the answers to his questions, his "hunger for information" will not be satisfied.

Well, if there will be understanding and willing to talk to the grandmother, the aunt or the teacher. And if not? Yes, the immediate problem is solved, the child will cease to "Snitch", but longer term Outlook is far from rosy — the lack of a trusting relationship with the mother, problems in communication with peers, which no one to consult. With 3 to 5 years the period of "trial and error", and it is very important that with the child was understanding parents, always ready to help.

In the preschool age children develop ethical standards, to follow them in their behavior. The child is able to imagine what kind of reaction will cause one or the other of his action (this is called emotional anticipation). While the child to think about whether to do something, before his inner eye arise angry, sad, joyful or a rapt face of a loved one. And, on the basis of the presented emotion, the kid already applies or not. Therefore, if the mother is invariably prohibits "Snitch" and "complaining", do not understand the situation, the child will avoid talking "heart to heart", afraid to say something that will cause my mother's discontent.

Probably all readers will agree that to judge the situation only in her understanding. What motivated this or that person at one time or another? What was the motive? In relation to bednesti "motive" is the key word.



Tact and courtesy: beyond "please" and "thank you"7 oral games, developing thinking

Tattling is only a means to achieve what you want. This element of the tactics used to achieve some goal, the satisfaction of needs. Basic needs to be in a situation with tattling: the need for security, in the preservation of their "I", the approval and respect of an adult, the desire to avoid undeserved punishment. These requirements are well grounded, that's just a tactic (tattling) chosen is wrong!

Therefore it is very important to show your child a different, better way to meet your needs. Also tattling can result in hard demand to follow social norms (e.g., always tell the truth) and blackmailing the model of behavior in the family. However, it is necessary to distinguish between true and tattling what it is not.


Boris Bach "Your kid's personality. Practical tips for parents"


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©



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