The joy and idiocy of human communication: what is the meaning of your relationship with difficult people

There is nothing more inspiring and at the same time, as stupid as human communication

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On this subject almost ashamed to say it, but it constantly POPs up and in business consultation and personal coaching. Here is a typical example, or rather two.

First example: the relation parent – child.

Nice lady complaining about her daughter: "I said to her-say, but she doesn't listen to me...". I ask: "What do You want for your daughter?". A nice lady answers that she wants her daughter alone find your way in life. At the same time, she continuously tells her what to do.

Funny contradiction. Isn't it? The person wants to achieve from an independent teenager and adult behavior, at the same time depriving him of any opportunity to manifest their desires and initiatives. The most amazing thing is that the nice lady does not see any contradiction. It's slipping away from her consciousness. What do you think, will she be able to achieve the desired goal and make daughter independent adult?





The second example is conflicts at work.

The leader complains that all his subordinates are passive "honolua". I ask what he does with them, in order to turn them into proactive "negovelov"? He cheerfully replies, "I yell at them and constantly put a "muzzle on the table"! I asked the following question: "what happens to them in these moments?". The head immediately and confidently replied: "They are the eyes of the even more dense"!

Can the actions of our wonderful leader to lead his subordinates abruptly wiser, will gain the initiative and business acumen? What do you think?

What is the meaning of communication between people?

A nice lady, and an experienced Manager to enter into communication with other people. They put him in emotions and energy. But the result is invariably the opposite of what they want to. Probably they never heard, and if heard, did not pay proper attention to a well-known wisdom: the meaning of communication is determined by its results, not intentions.

 

The meaning of communication is determined by its results, not intentions.

 

Get a grasp in this phrase. It seems absolutely clear as saying "Captain Obvious". The trouble is that this evidence does not affect the daily behavior, almost 100% of the inhabitants of the earth!

In the course of communication we want something from our interlocutors. At the same time, we perceive them simultaneously, as telepaths, and robots.

Why telepaths?

Yes, because a huge number of our posts that we "ship" of the interlocutors, are a continuation of our thoughts or internal dialogue. When communicating with each other, we like the donkeys, are in conviction that our communication partners understand what was going on. And when they do not, we are extremely surprised and angry. It's all so obvious! Our self-centered mind can't think that a poor source is absolutely not aware of what you were thinking before you opened your mouth and something spoke. It happened inside us. And only there. And no one else knew nothing about it.

What is the result of this communication? Irritation, confusion, often conflict and quarrel. You want it?

Why robots?

Because we perceive our interlocutors, as creatures devoid of emotions, has 100% memory and switching speed. Furthermore, we deny that they have habits, meanings, systems, beliefs, life situations, etc.

Here's how it looks.

The angry boss yells at a subordinate, "I told you that the report is impossible to write"!!! By default, the chief suggests that:

• the slave is unable to forget anything,
  
  
• he had no habits,
  
  
• he can learn something new the first time.
  
  

And, most importantly, it ignores the fact that the shock of shouting and insults does not always contribute to the positive perception of information.





What will be the consequences of such communication?

The slave is finally convinced that his boss — the cattle, ham and tyrant, from whom better to stay away. He may pee his pants or get a light neurosis. Furthermore, with high probability, will be lowering his self-esteem, there is self-doubt and guilt.

Whether the employee "the best version of myself" after this conversation? I have on this account is highly questionable.

Isn't this situation reminiscent of the behavior of the idiots-parents who beat the child for deuce? They want their child is a good student. And for that build communication that binds together school, violence, humiliation and lack of margin for error. Whether this communication will, in fact, the result they want? Think!

A small exercise to understand the meaning of your communication with difficult people.

If in your environment there are people who are malicious way you do not hear, do not perceive, do the opposite, etc., think about it:

• What you actually want to receive as a result of communicating with them?
  
  
• What you get in fact?
  
  
• What do you do in order to get what you want?
  
  
• Why do you think that these actions will allow you to get it?
  
  

 



5 unusual languages, changes the perception of reality5 types of thinking

If you're writing a answer these questions and be absolutely honest with yourself, you will almost surely face severe open or even shocks. As an example, I can say that the Manager who yelled at subordinates, as a result of this exercise realized that he just likes to humiliate people and their background appear to be "Mr. perfect". This understanding has become a serious test for his self-image. Fortunately, he was able to handle it.published

Author: Mikhail Kazantsev

 



Source: mkazantsev.ru/radosti-i-idiotizm-chelovecheskogo-obshheniya/