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The moderate selfishness — YOU will LOVE it!
I was recently reminded of a phrase we hear every time, they find themselves on the plane: "If you are traveling with a child, first secure the oxygen mask yourself and then the baby." In a situation of flight it usually "disappears" from the focus of consciousness as something very familiar. But here the situation was different, the phrase has launched a process of reflections and questions. Yes, it is a rule of safety, but whether for travel? Perhaps it makes sense to use in normal life?
First and foremost, come to a head, parents (often mothers), and their attitude to their personal needs, or rather, disregard those in favor of the convenience of the child. I specifically used the word "convenience" and not "welfare", because deny themselves in many ways, that has no relationship to the basic needs of the child (which, of course, every parent must meet).
"Feed first child (which actually gets food regularly), then himself (no, I ate the last time something unrecognizable and don't remember when)". "Entertain first child, and only then, when neuroethological coincidence obstoyatelstvam something nice for yourself." "Not to leave the house to be there upon request of the child, as "three out of the casket." Etc., etc.
Friend, like, all, the principle of "happy mother – happy child" remains some alien slogan. Where is the security? It's simple.
Sooner or later (but not necessarily) in a child's life and parents can sometimes be a kind of psychological "turbulence", which requires adults adequate protective actions (e.g., "emotional containerbase" — this is now much to read a must-know technique for all moms and dads). Now, for this moment, "mother-who-is-absolutely-not-selfish" is already in such a deep psychological "out" when not what about the baby, and even take care of yourself can not.
At the consultation I often see women exhausted not so much by the process of child care, how many attempts to give him all that without giving this to yourself. There is no satisfaction inside — not create it outside.
This idea applies to other forms of relationship such as affiliate.
Priority attention to your needs is quite unusual and definitely not always convenient for the Other. Especially considering the commonly held view that selfishness is bad. It would seem that we have a long and confident stride from the psychology of collectivism, the psychology of individualism, but self-flagellation on the topic "I am selfish" is still quite common.
In relationships it is combined with the criticism of "You're selfish(ka)! How could you do this?! (watch the output movie is mad boring traditional communication with relatives/ to choose a profession according to interests and not in accordance with the expectations of parents/ spend money on old version and new version of the fridge)".
What danger there may be?
At least two options. First, the regular preference of the interests of another (even a very loved one) can lead to the buildup of internal dissatisfaction, the emergence of the feeling of "I cheated".
Ultimately, this leads either to quite naturally the question "do I need it?", or to join the psychological game, "I live for you. And, in the end, presented the bill".
On the other hand,the rejection of selfishness robs a person of feelings of self-care, internal resources associated with a sense of satisfaction. The less resources, the lower the resilience. Don't expect a person in such a state of adequate actions in case of "disaster": "the oxygen mask" will have to put on by yourself.
If you want to apply the idea of the article in life, it is recommended to conduct a psychological experiment.
Within 30 days daily (ideally 3-5 times a day), ask yourself the question "I feel right now?" If the answer is "Yes", and there's no indication that you anathematized, then everything is fine. Right now you are laying the Foundation for further give it a "good" family.
If the answer is "no" then your next question is "how can I indulge in minimal prejudice to the interests of the family?". Find this method (Yes, it is easier to recognize that it is not, but brainstorming with yourself has not been canceled) and implement it.
If you are a "Sprinter life", and the distance in a month scares you, reduce it to 14 days.
At the end of the estimated effect. The criterion is internal: how do you feel after a full 30 days in the moderate selfishness? Probably you will like it. Assume also that and others you will be treated favorably (satisfied people tend to be tolerant).
As thought shapes the destiny of man
The point of no return
The external criterion: ask loved ones how they felt around you during this period? If they are still around and are even willing to talk to you, the reply you can no longer consider J, the testing of your selfishness they were J.
Here you can confess about the nature of the experiments and offer to switch places. You also want to have someone around who can take care of yourself? published
Author: Anna Kuznetsova, especially for
Source: kuzcenter.ru
First and foremost, come to a head, parents (often mothers), and their attitude to their personal needs, or rather, disregard those in favor of the convenience of the child. I specifically used the word "convenience" and not "welfare", because deny themselves in many ways, that has no relationship to the basic needs of the child (which, of course, every parent must meet).
"Feed first child (which actually gets food regularly), then himself (no, I ate the last time something unrecognizable and don't remember when)". "Entertain first child, and only then, when neuroethological coincidence obstoyatelstvam something nice for yourself." "Not to leave the house to be there upon request of the child, as "three out of the casket." Etc., etc.
Friend, like, all, the principle of "happy mother – happy child" remains some alien slogan. Where is the security? It's simple.
Sooner or later (but not necessarily) in a child's life and parents can sometimes be a kind of psychological "turbulence", which requires adults adequate protective actions (e.g., "emotional containerbase" — this is now much to read a must-know technique for all moms and dads). Now, for this moment, "mother-who-is-absolutely-not-selfish" is already in such a deep psychological "out" when not what about the baby, and even take care of yourself can not.
At the consultation I often see women exhausted not so much by the process of child care, how many attempts to give him all that without giving this to yourself. There is no satisfaction inside — not create it outside.
This idea applies to other forms of relationship such as affiliate.
Priority attention to your needs is quite unusual and definitely not always convenient for the Other. Especially considering the commonly held view that selfishness is bad. It would seem that we have a long and confident stride from the psychology of collectivism, the psychology of individualism, but self-flagellation on the topic "I am selfish" is still quite common.
In relationships it is combined with the criticism of "You're selfish(ka)! How could you do this?! (watch the output movie is mad boring traditional communication with relatives/ to choose a profession according to interests and not in accordance with the expectations of parents/ spend money on old version and new version of the fridge)".
What danger there may be?
At least two options. First, the regular preference of the interests of another (even a very loved one) can lead to the buildup of internal dissatisfaction, the emergence of the feeling of "I cheated".
Ultimately, this leads either to quite naturally the question "do I need it?", or to join the psychological game, "I live for you. And, in the end, presented the bill".
On the other hand,the rejection of selfishness robs a person of feelings of self-care, internal resources associated with a sense of satisfaction. The less resources, the lower the resilience. Don't expect a person in such a state of adequate actions in case of "disaster": "the oxygen mask" will have to put on by yourself.
If you want to apply the idea of the article in life, it is recommended to conduct a psychological experiment.
Within 30 days daily (ideally 3-5 times a day), ask yourself the question "I feel right now?" If the answer is "Yes", and there's no indication that you anathematized, then everything is fine. Right now you are laying the Foundation for further give it a "good" family.
If the answer is "no" then your next question is "how can I indulge in minimal prejudice to the interests of the family?". Find this method (Yes, it is easier to recognize that it is not, but brainstorming with yourself has not been canceled) and implement it.
If you are a "Sprinter life", and the distance in a month scares you, reduce it to 14 days.
At the end of the estimated effect. The criterion is internal: how do you feel after a full 30 days in the moderate selfishness? Probably you will like it. Assume also that and others you will be treated favorably (satisfied people tend to be tolerant).
As thought shapes the destiny of man
The point of no return
The external criterion: ask loved ones how they felt around you during this period? If they are still around and are even willing to talk to you, the reply you can no longer consider J, the testing of your selfishness they were J.
Here you can confess about the nature of the experiments and offer to switch places. You also want to have someone around who can take care of yourself? published
Author: Anna Kuznetsova, especially for
Source: kuzcenter.ru