You will excuse me, I circle all about the same — parent-child, parent-child, child-parent. It is clear that high suffering of unrequited love, the search for the "one and only", a joyful startups and scaling their unique business, financial freedom and much more to captivate the mind is much stronger than prosaic analysis of interesting nevsegda relationships with parents, grandparents and their behaviors.
What they dig that, right? We do others, we are all different, we are a different generation and their children brought up certainly not so as parents we were raised, but for some reason around millions of stories similar to each other like drops of water.
To the question: "disassemble your parent-child?" the typical answer in most cases is "I have everything is normal, we have a good relationship with parents, there is nothing to parse" or "Yes, there is generally a nightmare to climb and don't want all this." In this article I want to share some of my observations, maybe they will help to reduce the level of uncertainty in your life.
THE STORY OF THE FIRST
About unique, unique, mind-blowing, eye-popping unrequited love, parting is painful when you still love and wait you.
"You don't understand, I with anybody was not like this!", "it's something indescribable," "we of past lives together", "I have an inexplicable resonance with human", "(s) he just doesn't understand yet that we may be all right, I will prove it", "we understand each other perfectly" and all.
Most likely, the story of the breakup or rejection caught some unfinished story from your childhood: one of the parents has left the family or died, my father drank, was socially inadequate, not very implemented in profession, aggressive, not able to Express normal love feelings to no end in past (shame, fear, mountain loss, etc.), why women often choose emotionally inaccessible and distant men, struggling to save them, to win, to prove that they deserve love, and men get stuck in the stories where a woman is constantly puts excessive demands, ad infinitum rejects, humiliates, devalues it and a lot of other things going on in these stories.
It is impossible to describe in one article all the possible options of family drama, but the logic is that you have not lived in childhood to the end of feelings that are supposed to live in pain, fear, loss, etc., is forced to adapt to external circumstances and life struggles to pull you out of the mask, to return to ourselves.
Painful process, but useful if you see us in rejecting the partner is not an indispensable man, and the conductor, which help us to heal.
You need to work with each other and with their scripts, instead of running after those you yet do not particularly need (the possible options, but to begin in any case with myself).
THE SECOND STORY
About mega-super-duper talented, bright, interesting, adoring their job persons who have not arranged personal life because "people like me are not supposed to", "I'm a loner", "where to find a pair such as I?" "it's not that I'm bored with them."
More precisely, the pair can be any, most often of the same gifted and lonely, but usually these stories are full of explanations about the great detachment, free love, in General, is anything but about family, children, a life together until the end of his days, etc.
Women of this type are generally strong, self-sufficient, earn money, did not expect, like to be in control, men next to them well adjusted, able to listen and accept. Men can be sort of open, even financially secure and not very greedy, but to take on further responsibility is too much.
About parent family many of this type people do not particularly like to talk about, because there may be not so bright, smooth and interesting as I would like. Often, examples are the same single parents, or reversed roles, where the mother was the leading dominant, but the Pope is not very strong so meek, lived by themselves, were not able to cooperate, to solve conflicts in a constructive and all that.
Quarrel, who knows what end. In the end, it is much easier for the child to build a world in which love you for your achievements in the work, there's a lot under control and predictable, but in a relationship it is not clear what awaits. Often life will forever push these people "wrong" as long as the topic of relationships will come to one and the main places until the person begins to learn to cooperate, admit their mistakes, not necessarily always to be the best, to lose control, etc. To such income is not everything, but who should, he will get there.
THE THIRD STORY
About the incredibly beautiful fairy tales in which everything starts just wonderfully, and then begin to experience problems with finances, understanding the distribution of roles and a lot more.
Nowadays access to information is so easy to repeat a clever phrase at all-labour is not much. "The man leads, the woman follows him", "every man creates his life", "life should be lived so that... and then a million words", "love above", "good will win" and all that.
And a big problem is that many of us very much likes to listen to beautiful words, but that real evidence of the Affairs there, preferred to close his eyes.
Fall in love with potential, give the man those qualities which it is not wishful thinking — we are big fans. The awakening is usually very painful, and this can be seen in almost every relationship, not only in relations with a man or a woman, but in relationships with children, parents and other relatives.
It is convenient to see the children as they painted them in my imagination, so a huge number of parents prefer to ignore the fact that the child has great achievements in her studies, but the nature of bad, because personal life is not formed in any way, and that he may also drink, to smoke, to be "anomalous" to something else, and do not want to miss.
Very interesting to deify her husband, to live his life, follow each step of his wife, around the clock to solve the problem of parents, children, grandchildren, in short, to do anyone but their own growth and development, to save the whole world, and deciding to save myself.
With what face in the end? That's right, with expectations, with "ingratitude", with the removal of a person from the us with grievances, and many others. Why did life do this to us? To return to ourselves. How all this relates to parent-child? This files most often so that the family for many generations was not made to take responsibility for their own life, and the norm is to pass it on to others (the state with the government, for example), and to engage in someone else's life.
At this stop, the stories are many, but what I want to say. I want to say that it is almost impossible to find in our present processes, not related to the parental family and tribal stories in General. And if you think so, what in the world got besides family?
It would be nice to have to start to examine all these issues to sort out in the subject, not to step to infinity on the same rake. At the consultations, you know, how many stories you can hear from one person who feels that they are all so different he's such an amazing, such an inexplicable, but the basis almost always the same — the unfinished child processes.
That moment when you just need to give up...Everyone pays their debts
It is clear that the soul yearns for fairy tales and miracles, and it's not bad, but if you sort out their child-parent, believe me, miracles will begin to see very different things.
On the healthy side of the relationship much easier to live, the potential to realize, too, learn to love, make friends, build long-term relationships is also better to a healthy mind. Why not work tips "and you don't think about it", "leave it", "you need to appreciate yourself, why do you let yourself be treated", etc., there are mixed much more than it seems.
Prolonged painful processes most often associated with our childhood, because more the concern of our wounded inner child. Long conversations all this, my friends, to continue we understand, but to read books, listen to lectures and to engage in analysis of their world everyone must. Everyone who wants to be healed, I mean.published
Author: Dean Richards