About nail

We sit once Mishka, drink, differently. Mishka says:
 - Here you are, Igoryunya writer. And tell you about anything you can write funny?
 I told him:
 - Yes, about what you want!
 Well, for a long time we had already sat.
 - And I bet there? About the nail can not.
 - I bet. Easily! Look, you slaughter, for example, a nail and a hammer on a finger like myself stopped! Ridiculous?
 - No, - he says - it is not funny, it hurts very much.
 - It hurt you, and the rest ridiculous. Okay, I am a box of nails and drops on his foot. Ridiculous?
 - No. It's a pity you, you're my friend. Unless you say something funny.
 - Well, e-mine! The theory is tested? That's right, the size of a fist theorist. But we'll scientific experiments.
 I went to the closet and brought a hammer and nails.
 - Look, I have to hammer nails. Well, what are you laughing?
 - Yes, funny look at you like you're holding a nail. Who is it holding?
 You take it even with tweezers. Look, right. No, not as some sort of nail curve has got the other batsmen.
 I say:
 - When you hand amputated, the brain is not accidentally touched? You nail the angle at which the wall was holding? It is necessary to train trans-pen-di-ku-but-LNR.
 - Oh, who says it? I do not whether the school repairs came to us?
 At this time, the doorbell rang. Open, it is the neighbor in a bathrobe.
 - What are you, fucking ohreneli at night banging on the wall? On the clock then see people sleep for a long time.
Here Bear fits:
 - Oh, bro, that you judge us, he says - and I have shown - that when you score a nail, it is necessary to keep straight, and I say that angle.
 - Well, you guys, just like children!
 Neighbor comes into the room, choose the biggest nail pinches his fist and ka-ak ambush nail into the wall!
 We Mishka mouths opened. He first came to his senses, rushed to the table, poured into three glasses.
 - Well, - he says - for heroes! Not translated yet on Russian soil.
 Drank neighbor, grunted, said:
 - Is that it isnt the wall here in my cottage wall!
 We drank the walls. A neighbor said:
 - See salabon!
 He took a nail and bent. Bear did not believe it, took a nail in his hands, he turned and put on a finger as a ring.
 - Well, you are! ... When the hell! ... Well, for excellence!
 Became Bear ring finger to shoot, and it can not be removed. It is this way and that, it is impossible to do. A neighbor said:
 - Come on, let me.
 And how will pull the nail itself. Bear shouted, hand pulled, hand and nail neighbor scratched. He became a neighbor to wipe the blood on the shirt.
 I say:
 - Quietly, citizens! Aibolit to the rescue.
 And he went into the kitchen to look for a first aid kit. Bint found, and no scissors, a knife had to take. Here again, the door bell.
 A neighbor said:
 - It's probably my stated.
 And follow me to the door goes.
 Opens - exactly neighbor is. He looks at us in silence and quietly begins to fade. Well, of course, there is a simple oil painting - I have a knife, dear husband of blood. And then there's the voice Mishkin coloring adds:
 - No, I love you, bastard, right now, will score!
 We see again the hammer with nails found.
 The neighbor's eyes bulged, took a deep breath in the mouth and how zaoret:
 - Kill! Police! - And down the stairs two steps jumped, only slippers I have stayed on the mat.
 A neighbor said:
 - Well, okay, let's for another, and go home to calm her.
 Before we bite, they break into an apartment burly men in masks, grab all of us by the collar and throw their noses to the ground. And, by God, do not believe it, I lie in his apartment in a patriotic pose, and I am proud of the entire breadth of the Russian soul of our valiant police, well, it is necessary just as quickly come!
 While figuring out what, and how, until drunk for the native militia, Mishka finger swelled and began to turn blue. Cops say:
 - Sunflower oil is necessary to lubricate. We have so a bloke from handcuffs slipped.
 I brought oil. Dripped on my finger, he poured Bear anesthetic, and slowly the nail removed. The nail of my hand slipped and rolled under the table.
 Bear says:
 - Let's find him. I'm his mother-sell.
 We crawled under the table to look for a nail. While looking, I first lost a neighbor, then Mishka.

In the morning I wake up, the state - ... Well, what to tell? My wife and son are close. The wife says:
 - State had! And imagine our condition, we - all the nails in the wall, the floor in the blood, trodden, my mother was, and you, like in the puzzle, lying in the middle of a stud.
 - Yeah, Dad, Viewtiful! - It adds a son.
 - In general, the way you want them and you to repair, especially as long planned.
 "Okay - I think - the repair is nonsense, but sat notably, and I bet at the Bears won.

Igor Zatein


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