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Why work on a relationship is useless
Ninety five million two hundred seventy five thousand four hundred thirty
Relationships are complex and messy, and they often, many problems arise. A psychologist and the author of the portal SNCMedia Andrey Yudin has published an article in which finally placed all points above i.
The first and only relationship problem is that this problemdoes not exist. At all. Everything that people take for the problem in relationships is a manifestation of inner distress. In the process of communication in pairs of two problems interwoven in one huge multi-colored knot, which is constantly and rapidly growing.
Wheel of samsara As a rule, everything begins with two people, almost without thinking, what they want, and not wasting any effort in searching for a suitable partner to enter into a relationship.
Then, when it starts more or less routine conversation, there comes a trance, in which the body seems to be in a relationship, and the soul increasingly avoids this contact and lived in isolation from feelings and needs. At this stage in the arena a couple's life comes a whole army of "cockroaches": the inability to respect partner and his needs, inability to feel, the habit to manipulate and shift the responsibility.
Suddenly it turns out that building a healthy and strong relationship — adult complex taskto which we are not prepared either mentally or technically. We have not actually learned to sit and to hold the head, and we are already required to skillfully operate a jet fighter.
And at that moment, rather than to start to understand themselves and to develop the missing skills, we choose the most inefficient method — start to treat the partner as it makes a small child: to sulk, to sulk, to take offence and throw a tantrum. We begin to act like a partner — our thing that can not turn around and leave. Only this "thing" is not just to leave, and often does, leaving us in surprised disappointment.
Die slow. Ease out, novelty and playfulness, and instead are arguing about who is right. It then fades intimacy, and partners become neighbors. Ends with the fact that someone does not stand up and gain the courage to admit the obvious: GAME OVER.
The path of awakening And if you still the exception to the rule and you have a problem with pairwise relations, which does not lead to your personal problems? For example. If you fast on his feet, calm and balanced, without childhood traumas, successfully realizing its potential, engaged in interesting work, financially secure, able to be a good friend and business partner who knows exactly what you absolutely do not owe anybody, then, Yes, the problem exactly is not you.Personally, I have never in my life encountered: the above-described type of persons with relationship is usually all right. But those who declares a big problem in the relationship, always, without exception, found a whole heap of personal problems at the basic level.
Man can't build with someone relations more healthy than his relationship with himself. If a relationship has problems, it is pointless to hope that you will be able to change partners or to learn how to control it. The only thing that can and should hope for is to understand themselves and to solve their own problems, and this is really a real challenge that for sure one way or another will solve the problem. But such a strategy there is one important side effect: most likely, at some point, your old relationships will fall apart and give place to something what you could not imagine in my wildest dreams.
Source sncmedia
Photos on the preview kino-nik
Author Andrey Yudin
See also
According to scientists, strong relationships are based on only two qualities
12 steps to relationship that will delight all my life
6 brutal truths that will make you better
via www.adme.ru/articles/6-zhestokih-istin-kotorye-sdelayut-vas-luchshe-467305/
Relationships are complex and messy, and they often, many problems arise. A psychologist and the author of the portal SNCMedia Andrey Yudin has published an article in which finally placed all points above i.
The first and only relationship problem is that this problemdoes not exist. At all. Everything that people take for the problem in relationships is a manifestation of inner distress. In the process of communication in pairs of two problems interwoven in one huge multi-colored knot, which is constantly and rapidly growing.
Wheel of samsara As a rule, everything begins with two people, almost without thinking, what they want, and not wasting any effort in searching for a suitable partner to enter into a relationship.
Then, when it starts more or less routine conversation, there comes a trance, in which the body seems to be in a relationship, and the soul increasingly avoids this contact and lived in isolation from feelings and needs. At this stage in the arena a couple's life comes a whole army of "cockroaches": the inability to respect partner and his needs, inability to feel, the habit to manipulate and shift the responsibility.
Suddenly it turns out that building a healthy and strong relationship — adult complex taskto which we are not prepared either mentally or technically. We have not actually learned to sit and to hold the head, and we are already required to skillfully operate a jet fighter.
And at that moment, rather than to start to understand themselves and to develop the missing skills, we choose the most inefficient method — start to treat the partner as it makes a small child: to sulk, to sulk, to take offence and throw a tantrum. We begin to act like a partner — our thing that can not turn around and leave. Only this "thing" is not just to leave, and often does, leaving us in surprised disappointment.
Die slow. Ease out, novelty and playfulness, and instead are arguing about who is right. It then fades intimacy, and partners become neighbors. Ends with the fact that someone does not stand up and gain the courage to admit the obvious: GAME OVER.
The path of awakening And if you still the exception to the rule and you have a problem with pairwise relations, which does not lead to your personal problems? For example. If you fast on his feet, calm and balanced, without childhood traumas, successfully realizing its potential, engaged in interesting work, financially secure, able to be a good friend and business partner who knows exactly what you absolutely do not owe anybody, then, Yes, the problem exactly is not you.Personally, I have never in my life encountered: the above-described type of persons with relationship is usually all right. But those who declares a big problem in the relationship, always, without exception, found a whole heap of personal problems at the basic level.
Man can't build with someone relations more healthy than his relationship with himself. If a relationship has problems, it is pointless to hope that you will be able to change partners or to learn how to control it. The only thing that can and should hope for is to understand themselves and to solve their own problems, and this is really a real challenge that for sure one way or another will solve the problem. But such a strategy there is one important side effect: most likely, at some point, your old relationships will fall apart and give place to something what you could not imagine in my wildest dreams.
Source sncmedia
Photos on the preview kino-nik
Author Andrey Yudin
See also
According to scientists, strong relationships are based on only two qualities
12 steps to relationship that will delight all my life
6 brutal truths that will make you better
via www.adme.ru/articles/6-zhestokih-istin-kotorye-sdelayut-vas-luchshe-467305/
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