Many people wonder how to understand that this person we will burn out? That's it I will live a long and happy life?
Because the cost of failure, as it seems to many, is very high. So choose a partner very carefully. We can say, it is necessary not just to choose, and — calculate.
Thanks to some experience working with people, I established three key points that you need to look when evaluating "podhodyaschesti" candidate. Of course, to look at them, no one will — as will seethe the flood of feelings, it will carry downstream.
However, consider this text useful.
The desire to negotiate
The first thing you need to watch is the willingness to negotiate. Please note — it is about desire and not about skill. People (especially young age), as a rule, do not know how to negotiate — they do not teach. Therefore, it is naive to expect from a potential partner honed skills of finding mutually acceptable solutions.
Enough so that people understand the necessity of the agreements sought to these arrangements — and the ability will be added with time.
Just as important is the reverse — if the person bends or flexes, to deal with him very dangerous. He who bends will tend to this more and more as it is very convenient — all do what you want. Beauty. Any resistance to such person will meet the pressure, increasing it over time. Can and physical to reach.
The one who always bend first, sabotaging and hurting quietly. Second, sooner or later, a man tired to bend over backwards and explode. It is unlikely that the explosion will appeal to both of you.
Therefore, it is better to look for a partner who seeks to negotiate.Positive attitude to people
The second important point — the relationship of man to people. If a person speaks badly about everyone — from neighbors on the porch and ending with former partners, this is a very alarming signal.
If the person is dissatisfied with all, this means that one is not the day he will become unhappy and you too. No matter how it happens. It is important that this will happen, will happen.
It is not necessary to amuse itself illusions, they say, is the rest did not understand and could not see, and even to you-that person will always be very good, because out like like.
No, dear friends, will not. The ubiquity of manifestation of a phenomenon is one of the signs of malfunction of the psyche. If the man is bad to all people except you and two or three is such a good application for the ubiquity of symptoms.
Normally, people love some, others no, just put up the third, four hate, respect the fifth and sixth — a bit of everything.
But the ubiquity (or if you prefer, the totality of) the symptoms, the lack of flexibility — it is alarming. It does not mean that the person has a psychiatric problem, but it means that sooner or later you too will be among all these bad people.
It is necessary to you?A willingness to acknowledge your contribution to the fight
For people one of the core values is self-righteousness. We, sometimes, so can't admit they were wrong that perpetrated the most savage deeds, if only to prove that we were wrong then, wrong now, and never wrong.
Of course, in life together such a love for righteousness all the spoils. A fight always create two people — and end up also two.
As is often the case, fell out, right around the corner, and then someone decides to make peace, choice, and the second, or refuses to accept or graciously accept the apology. Say, finally you deigned/La to recognize their mistakes, so be it, I forgive you.
Your love has value only for youVyacheslav Gusev: Any problems, including diseases are just folded wings
For a long term relationship this is not an option. For a long term relationship is important to both recognize their contribution to the situation. When one comes up and says, well, I was wrong, the second says, they say, and I do too. This is what helps to create and maintain long-term relationships, to make them happy.
Total. The choice of a potential partner — a thing difficult
to create clear rules in this area are difficult. I distinguish three important settings that you should pay attention in the first place: the desire to negotiate towards other people and finally the recognition of his contribution to quarrels and disagreements.
Of course, no one will follow up on this and use this knowledge — the flood of feelings will not allow. But that is no reason to abandon the writing of such notes, right? published
Author: Pavel Zygmantovich