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Get away from toxic people, including toxic relatives
The decision not to make contact with a family member is a deeply personal.
For some of us healing the mother wound is possible only in contact with the mother. In this scenario, the healing creates a new, deeper connection between mother and daughter, and it is infinitely beautiful. I saw it happening, and it is truly inspiring.
But for some of us impossible to heal by staying in touch with her mother.
The removal of a member of the family is still considered taboo, especially if we are talking about mother. Sometimes it is enough a little distance and a short-term suspension. In other cases, the suspension may be permanent. It takes incredible strength and courage to get through this.
Christian Schloe
That may lead to suspension?
There are many reasons why people make such a decision. But the root of it – in the realization that the dysfunctional behavior of your mother is your emotional and mental balance, and you're simply not able to pay this price.
I believe that such decision is not taken out of carelessness or bravado. Most often it comes after many years of trying different ways to keep that connection and translate it to a higher level. At some momentane gets too high, and you need to make a decision.
This can be the most difficult decision in your life. And at the same time the most liberating.
The family is a complex system. When someone stops playing their normal role, the system is sort of depressurization or chaos. Conflict can lead to transformation of the whole system and the transition to a higher level, if family members are open and willing to grow and learn. But, unfortunately, sometimes the willingness to grow and try to bring changes meet resistance family. In this case, a person who wants to grow, have a choice: to remain in a toxic and dysfunctional environment, or to leave an unhealthy system. The choice to interrupt the contact is most commonly done when it is obvious that healing in the family system is impossible.
Daughter often plays the role of a mediator, the scapegoat, the Keeper of secrets or guardian of emotions. If the daughter is on the way to adulthood and wants to go beyond the typical family roles (may become stronger, forming the border, refusing to tolerate bad treatment, etc.), its solution inevitably leads to change. The degree of chaos in a result indicates how in this whole dysfunctional family system.
If family members are relatively healthy, stable and open, the family can come to equilibrium without much chaos. However, if the family members themselves deeply injured and wounded, the development of her child can be perceived as a serious threat to family system. In this case, chaos can deeply destabilize the situation, and very difficult to handle. It is very important support.
An unconscious attempt to keep the balance and to resist change may lead to attacks on the daughter. A common and dangerous reaction is to "pathologizing" daughter. Then the cause of the conflict is seen as some sort of pathology daughter.
Generates the following message: “Your inability to continue in the family system in the role assigned to you indicates that something is not right.” It is based on the humiliation of the message – in fact, the refusal of the mother or another family member from an honest understanding of their own behavior and take responsibility. The level of mental stability daughter, her sexual activity, her past mistakes, everything in it can be openly questioned, but the role of the mother in conflict.
It's amazing how fiercely people resist to look inside yourself, and what are they willing to go to remain in denial, even rejection of his own child. It's actually an unconscious attempt of resistance to change by projecting the entire conflict or "badness" for the one who initiates the transformation of the family system.
In the end, it's nothing personal. Just so happens when people who turn a blind eye to its internal state, confronted with his repressed pain through catalyzing event. For example, such catalyst may be a woman, which becomes predominant in the family dynamics, generations to keep the family system in balance.
We can't save their mothers. We can't save our families. We can save only themselves.
You don't need an understanding of your mother (or another family member) to fully heal.
The realization that the mother (or family) are simply unable or unwilling to understand you, can break your heart. No matter how you explain or how many times I try to convey their motives, it all goes nowhere. You seem to be speaking different languages. They can unconsciously block understanding you, because it poses a big threat to their entrenched beliefs and values.
Understanding can cause a seismic shift in the Foundation on which are built their worldview and identity. It hurts to realize, but it helps to create a special power of the spirit. It becomes clear that you need to be satisfied with their own understanding of themselves. The main becomes your own opinion about yourself. You acknowledge that you may be all right, even if others don't understand you.
After you leave, your life may start to improve in all directions. I watched leave chronic diseases, neurotic fears, and patterns of a long lifetime. In fact, sometimes it's hard to accept, how enjoyable was your life. Each new level of success, intimacy, joy and freedom reminds you that your family cannot share it with you. It is in these times we can experience emotion and grief. Nothing to do but feel the grief that comes, and allow yourself to move on.
The feeling of sadness does not mean you made the wrong choice. In fact, it is a sign of health and healing.
Take root in the worldview that gave you the strength to leave a toxic interaction. Otherwise, you can pull back through guilt or shame. It is very important to get support and give yourself time and space to work through all the emotions that are associated with this choice. Take root is, why you made that choice, and use the opportunity to start a whole new phase of your life.
The suspension is a launch pad for strength.
Maybe you'll discover something deeply important:you realize that you can survive even when your mother rejects you. Very few people come to this realization. It may take you to a new level of inner freedom and determination, to initiate a quantum leap in your life. It can spur a commitment to the truth and to bring integrity, which will affect all areas of your life. It will ignite in you the fire of truth that was always there, but only now can burn at full strength. You will feel your inner source.
Sadness, sorrow and more sorrow will lead you to... FREEDOM.
Sadness can occur at each transition to a new, higher level, which never entered your mother (family). This can be the sorrow, corroding the bone, almost tribal and ancestral grief care forward without them. But over time it becomes easier. I believe that the more loving we allow ourselves to grieve, the more our life of miracles, beauty and joy.
There is something deeply sacred in the mount that comes with this choice. It can open us the opportunity to deeply connect with your truth and put it on the deepest level. Need to find a new sense of this loss and use it to improve their lives. This is the key to long-term healing.
Your integrity becomes the solid Foundation for the rest of my life.
“You don't need to become poor to help the poor people, or sick so sick healed. You can only influence from a position of strength, clarity and alignment.” Abraham
Christian Schloe
Perfectly normal to walk away from toxic people, including toxic relatives.
Healing birth trauma can be a lonely path. But in the new space you created will appear and soul ties. The need for attachment is the strong need of our human nature. To be face to face with rejection means to deal with their deep pain, humanity, and to declare the value of his life. Our biggest fear is to be alone. But loneliness, we fear, already present in the wounds of our race. I'm here to tell you that you are not alone, that over time, there are mentally people close to you, able to see and appreciate the real you.
Removed daughter's spiritual warriors.
In a world where women expect reticence, and care for the needs of others, which is not recognized with the dark side of motherhood, experiences of alienation can be the initiation of the transition to a new level of awareness that is not accessible. The area is cleared in order to enable you to Shine in its entirety. What will you do with the light shining in you?
The outcast daughter find each other, creating a new line of mothers; the combination of authenticity, authenticity and truth in each supports the increasing awareness in all. I saw that the camaraderie between women who followed this path. Such more than many can imagine. You are not alone!
You need to do what's right for you. Trust yourself!
Suspension does not necessarily mean you do not love your family. This does not mean that you are not grateful for all the wonderful things they gave you. It just means that you need space to live my own life the way you want. Women who see no other option but to refuse contact with their dysfunctional mothers create the gap because it's the only way a strong message: “Mom, your life is your responsibility, and my life is mine. I refuse to be a victim on the altar of your pain. I refuse to die in your war. Even if you are not able to understand me, I have to go its own way. Should I choose life.”
Healing trauma the mother is the process of initiation into your full womanhood.
Patriarchal culture promotes dysfunctional relationships between mothers and daughters. In our culture there is a ritual for adult natural separation from the mother and initiation in their own lives. (For men, this ritual either.)
How to get out of the maze of uncertainty aboutwhat my strength and what my weakness
Healing maternal trauma is a process of initiation is necessary, whether you are in contact with the mother or not. I dream that once maternal trauma will become a rarity, most women will be cleared from the Patriarchal messages like "inferiority", and both mothers and daughters will feel able to open up and receive the fulness of his power and potential by connecting to the heart, but remaining free and separate individuals. Personality daughter will no longer feel the mother risk because she will have enough love and respect for yourself and daughter.
Healing maternal trauma, we create a new world for themselves, for women of the future and for the earth.published
© BethanyWebster (Bethany Webster), translation Annie Petrosyan
Source: 9journal.com.ua/%D1%83%D0%BF%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BB%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%B5-%D0%BD%D0%B5-%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%BD%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%BA%D1%82%D0%BE%D0%BC/
For some of us healing the mother wound is possible only in contact with the mother. In this scenario, the healing creates a new, deeper connection between mother and daughter, and it is infinitely beautiful. I saw it happening, and it is truly inspiring.
But for some of us impossible to heal by staying in touch with her mother.
The removal of a member of the family is still considered taboo, especially if we are talking about mother. Sometimes it is enough a little distance and a short-term suspension. In other cases, the suspension may be permanent. It takes incredible strength and courage to get through this.
Christian Schloe
That may lead to suspension?
There are many reasons why people make such a decision. But the root of it – in the realization that the dysfunctional behavior of your mother is your emotional and mental balance, and you're simply not able to pay this price.
I believe that such decision is not taken out of carelessness or bravado. Most often it comes after many years of trying different ways to keep that connection and translate it to a higher level. At some momentane gets too high, and you need to make a decision.
This can be the most difficult decision in your life. And at the same time the most liberating.
The family is a complex system. When someone stops playing their normal role, the system is sort of depressurization or chaos. Conflict can lead to transformation of the whole system and the transition to a higher level, if family members are open and willing to grow and learn. But, unfortunately, sometimes the willingness to grow and try to bring changes meet resistance family. In this case, a person who wants to grow, have a choice: to remain in a toxic and dysfunctional environment, or to leave an unhealthy system. The choice to interrupt the contact is most commonly done when it is obvious that healing in the family system is impossible.
Daughter often plays the role of a mediator, the scapegoat, the Keeper of secrets or guardian of emotions. If the daughter is on the way to adulthood and wants to go beyond the typical family roles (may become stronger, forming the border, refusing to tolerate bad treatment, etc.), its solution inevitably leads to change. The degree of chaos in a result indicates how in this whole dysfunctional family system.
If family members are relatively healthy, stable and open, the family can come to equilibrium without much chaos. However, if the family members themselves deeply injured and wounded, the development of her child can be perceived as a serious threat to family system. In this case, chaos can deeply destabilize the situation, and very difficult to handle. It is very important support.
An unconscious attempt to keep the balance and to resist change may lead to attacks on the daughter. A common and dangerous reaction is to "pathologizing" daughter. Then the cause of the conflict is seen as some sort of pathology daughter.
Generates the following message: “Your inability to continue in the family system in the role assigned to you indicates that something is not right.” It is based on the humiliation of the message – in fact, the refusal of the mother or another family member from an honest understanding of their own behavior and take responsibility. The level of mental stability daughter, her sexual activity, her past mistakes, everything in it can be openly questioned, but the role of the mother in conflict.
It's amazing how fiercely people resist to look inside yourself, and what are they willing to go to remain in denial, even rejection of his own child. It's actually an unconscious attempt of resistance to change by projecting the entire conflict or "badness" for the one who initiates the transformation of the family system.
In the end, it's nothing personal. Just so happens when people who turn a blind eye to its internal state, confronted with his repressed pain through catalyzing event. For example, such catalyst may be a woman, which becomes predominant in the family dynamics, generations to keep the family system in balance.
We can't save their mothers. We can't save our families. We can save only themselves.
You don't need an understanding of your mother (or another family member) to fully heal.
The realization that the mother (or family) are simply unable or unwilling to understand you, can break your heart. No matter how you explain or how many times I try to convey their motives, it all goes nowhere. You seem to be speaking different languages. They can unconsciously block understanding you, because it poses a big threat to their entrenched beliefs and values.
Understanding can cause a seismic shift in the Foundation on which are built their worldview and identity. It hurts to realize, but it helps to create a special power of the spirit. It becomes clear that you need to be satisfied with their own understanding of themselves. The main becomes your own opinion about yourself. You acknowledge that you may be all right, even if others don't understand you.
After you leave, your life may start to improve in all directions. I watched leave chronic diseases, neurotic fears, and patterns of a long lifetime. In fact, sometimes it's hard to accept, how enjoyable was your life. Each new level of success, intimacy, joy and freedom reminds you that your family cannot share it with you. It is in these times we can experience emotion and grief. Nothing to do but feel the grief that comes, and allow yourself to move on.
The feeling of sadness does not mean you made the wrong choice. In fact, it is a sign of health and healing.
Take root in the worldview that gave you the strength to leave a toxic interaction. Otherwise, you can pull back through guilt or shame. It is very important to get support and give yourself time and space to work through all the emotions that are associated with this choice. Take root is, why you made that choice, and use the opportunity to start a whole new phase of your life.
The suspension is a launch pad for strength.
Maybe you'll discover something deeply important:you realize that you can survive even when your mother rejects you. Very few people come to this realization. It may take you to a new level of inner freedom and determination, to initiate a quantum leap in your life. It can spur a commitment to the truth and to bring integrity, which will affect all areas of your life. It will ignite in you the fire of truth that was always there, but only now can burn at full strength. You will feel your inner source.
Sadness, sorrow and more sorrow will lead you to... FREEDOM.
Sadness can occur at each transition to a new, higher level, which never entered your mother (family). This can be the sorrow, corroding the bone, almost tribal and ancestral grief care forward without them. But over time it becomes easier. I believe that the more loving we allow ourselves to grieve, the more our life of miracles, beauty and joy.
There is something deeply sacred in the mount that comes with this choice. It can open us the opportunity to deeply connect with your truth and put it on the deepest level. Need to find a new sense of this loss and use it to improve their lives. This is the key to long-term healing.
Your integrity becomes the solid Foundation for the rest of my life.
“You don't need to become poor to help the poor people, or sick so sick healed. You can only influence from a position of strength, clarity and alignment.” Abraham
Christian Schloe
Perfectly normal to walk away from toxic people, including toxic relatives.
Healing birth trauma can be a lonely path. But in the new space you created will appear and soul ties. The need for attachment is the strong need of our human nature. To be face to face with rejection means to deal with their deep pain, humanity, and to declare the value of his life. Our biggest fear is to be alone. But loneliness, we fear, already present in the wounds of our race. I'm here to tell you that you are not alone, that over time, there are mentally people close to you, able to see and appreciate the real you.
Removed daughter's spiritual warriors.
In a world where women expect reticence, and care for the needs of others, which is not recognized with the dark side of motherhood, experiences of alienation can be the initiation of the transition to a new level of awareness that is not accessible. The area is cleared in order to enable you to Shine in its entirety. What will you do with the light shining in you?
The outcast daughter find each other, creating a new line of mothers; the combination of authenticity, authenticity and truth in each supports the increasing awareness in all. I saw that the camaraderie between women who followed this path. Such more than many can imagine. You are not alone!
You need to do what's right for you. Trust yourself!
Suspension does not necessarily mean you do not love your family. This does not mean that you are not grateful for all the wonderful things they gave you. It just means that you need space to live my own life the way you want. Women who see no other option but to refuse contact with their dysfunctional mothers create the gap because it's the only way a strong message: “Mom, your life is your responsibility, and my life is mine. I refuse to be a victim on the altar of your pain. I refuse to die in your war. Even if you are not able to understand me, I have to go its own way. Should I choose life.”
Healing trauma the mother is the process of initiation into your full womanhood.
Patriarchal culture promotes dysfunctional relationships between mothers and daughters. In our culture there is a ritual for adult natural separation from the mother and initiation in their own lives. (For men, this ritual either.)
How to get out of the maze of uncertainty aboutwhat my strength and what my weakness
Healing maternal trauma is a process of initiation is necessary, whether you are in contact with the mother or not. I dream that once maternal trauma will become a rarity, most women will be cleared from the Patriarchal messages like "inferiority", and both mothers and daughters will feel able to open up and receive the fulness of his power and potential by connecting to the heart, but remaining free and separate individuals. Personality daughter will no longer feel the mother risk because she will have enough love and respect for yourself and daughter.
Healing maternal trauma, we create a new world for themselves, for women of the future and for the earth.published
© BethanyWebster (Bethany Webster), translation Annie Petrosyan
Source: 9journal.com.ua/%D1%83%D0%BF%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BB%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%B5-%D0%BD%D0%B5-%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%BD%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%BA%D1%82%D0%BE%D0%BC/
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