Thirty four million two hundred eight thousand one hundred twenty
When you become a mother of many children in Russia, you have to deal with the paradox. And the main paradox in the attitude of people around. Although for a long time I don't care what anyone thinks, sometimes things are unsettling. In the plane this time.
We fly five of them, in the hands of my Bow. Luke is crying and I try to calm. Back dad persuades Danny to buckle up, Dan vs. This is after 13 hours of flight and 3 hours waiting for takeoff in the same plane. Matthew just fell asleep. On the armrest. And passing by the flight attendant decided to release a very pertinent comment: "well you, mother, didn't know! The baby sleeps like you've got it!". I have on hand a crying baby back and naughty senior. It's about time. And pretty bizarre. I even to react not have time.
And I'm sure if the child was one or even two – tone it would be different. And the review would not exist. And here. And despite the fact that our children are 16 hours in the plane behaved very well. Almost no noise, the cabin is not running. Pack its trains under the seats, watched cartoons, ate, did not prevent to sleep to neighbours.
It's weird, but I have encountered this. When you have one baby-a baby that you are willing to help, miss, hold, forgive. When you have two babies, you'll get respectful looks. And again using – two is not easy!
And the third begins another song. In views often read pity. Poor unfortunate. Or another option – aggression "Ponarozhali!" And just do ponarozhali themselves and do what you want. Thank God, I get in these situations is rare, we don't get out much with the whole family somewhere, while Luca baby. But I have large friends who themselves pick up the kids from daycare, take them to the store. And many other places across this type of attitude.
What's the problem? What is the reason? After all, this attitude does not help women who wanted more children. I would like to – but do not give birth. Afraid of condemnation, afraid to be not such as all. And condemnation enough.
Someone said that give birth to children for benefits. Maybe there are such people. But I don't know. We're not made out, because I don't like to walk on such organizations. And even the maternity capital – because now we can not use. Many of my friends with many children do not receive any benefits, because to implement them and not so easy to get. Yes and not worth it.
Someone thinks that large families are proud of and try all around things. No queue to get in kindergarten for free or at sea. Again to avoid standing in line, waving his badge large. Maybe this happens, but I have not seen this. Most often, they just live. And stand in line along with all. When I can.
Someone large calls the "mushrooming poverty". Although I personally know many families where many children and prosperity. Wealth, not a surplus. For me it is important that the children were not poor spiritually. Toys, clothes, entertainment – that's what you can save, and quite simple. While children are young especially. I'm not talking about inheriting things and toys. As my husband says, it's just a different management, and other tools.
Someone is associating with a large Roma, alcoholics and parasites. Live on the child benefits do not work, give birth, and don't do kids... I do not know, among my friends there are none to large. Although I understand that it happens, and orphanages, many children of such parents. But a well-dressed woman with a pretty kids – it's clearly not the case, right? And the attitude is the same.
Difficult, when disagreements with friends and family. When you have three children, you will rarely somewhere to invite (well it's all to feed it!), will rarely give gifts (in a Horde!). Parents may not understand and to be persuaded to have an abortion...
My girlfriends and girl friends who accidentally got pregnant for the third time, in the beginning I was terrified and didn't know what to do. It seemed that the world collapsed. Now none of them regrets that child running side by side. Running around and happy. Although their calls and messages they wrote to me then, was full of terror and despair. All because of the myths about large families.
I see that as the case with many children in other places, and I see a different attitude. Other programs. Where many children of the mother will perceive a calm, familiar, relaxed. Where the woman will help with any number of children. Whether one or five. Where flow in the queue mom with any number of kids. And so on.
It turns out that our Russian feature? And what are the causes?
Several of them. Of those that I see. When I realized this, it became easier to live.
1. Generic memory.
Earlier all families were large. People 10 children – it's not even three. And on the basis of such large families, many were injuries. Mom died in childbirth, kids died from childhood diseases. Not enough food, clothes. Ancestral memory is strong within us, she yells – a lot of kids — a lot of danger!
One of my friend's mom was against the birth of the second, third, fourth and fifth grandchildren. It became unbearable – my own mother! The quarrel passed all conceivable borders. And all because my grandmother, mom's mother, died in childbirth, giving birth to their sixth child. And my mother was the fifth. "It's dangerous" — and hangs her head. Still. Although it was another level of medicine and culture. Anyway.
2. A woman must work to establish ourselves as a professional
Remember the breast-feeding every three hours and not more often? It came up with Krupskaya to women after childbirth once worked. The woman had no children. The decree was short-lived.
When a family already had two children – was considered, and it was time to go to work in full force. Mother has become, have a job to do. Otherwise you're a charity case. It's a shame and horror. Husband and wife do not need to be, and she will become a chicken... there Was a time even when the abortion by force. Because enough of you.
But when did become a chicken surrounded by a large number of loved ones? When deprived brain, if you need all the time to think of something, to find an approach to each? Maybe you'll forget how to calculate the integral and to perform chemical experiments, but you learn a bunch of recipes and learn to display different types of stains...
Do all women actually want to work and make a career? Hobby and outlet is necessary for all without exception. And work and career? Is there anyway those who regular office schedule and load are not bothering to educate at least one child and keep harmony in the house, the relationship with her husband?
3. A lot of kids – lots of problems
We think that with two children is two times harder than one, but three, three times. Not true. With two children of trouble more times in half, and with three or two times maximum. If you compare one baby. Not take into account the fact that children are growing up. And older willing to help mothers, when their mothers asked. Ask, but not require.
And yet the amount of love increases. Exponentially. Because not only mommy and daddy love the new baby, but his brothers and sisters. It's a different feeling of happiness. It becomes much more. Every time.
4. Stocks health and beauty of women from childbirth are reduced
Even without childbirth every year we get older – and thus more diseases, wrinkles and old age facial features. But somehow, some natural force of time ignoring, blaming motherhood. Again, this is generic memory. And another stupid standards of beauty when beautiful is 90-60-90, makeup and short skirts. When you're embarrassed about your stretch marks, temporary excess weight, breast shape, bags under the eyes.
Once it was true. Women could not take good vitamins and lost teeth. Was not able to take care of myself, working in the fields. There is generally no beauty did. Is that before marriage. And now we have so many opportunities to be beautiful! And assistants, who give time for this. Washing machine and dishwasher, slow cooker, robot vacuum cleaners... the only Question is, where are we this time going forward? And if you want to take care of yourself?
But in Ayurveda and is described that childbirth is a special procedure in which you run a complete rejuvenation of a woman's body. Can you imagine? To do this, birth should be natural, and the postpartum period – continued. And everything else nature will make itself. Personally, in my opinion, every child every woman is beautiful. If she allows it. After all, beauty really is in the eyes. If the eyes reflected the heart of a woman – she's beautiful. And if not – then no makeup her beauty not make. Every child a woman's heart opens. In its own way. Its methods and with different force.
For me it was a revelation a study conducted among the elderly. It is in Russia. They were asked what they would do differently. 90 percent said that they gave birth to more children. They was scared of something or make a career. Or it was just not accepted. But it turned out that that's all that matters.
Have large families is something special. Attractive, elusive. This is not to understand until you're out of this system. Difficult mother one year old baby to understand that with three it is possible to do everything and be beautiful. Picture a mother seems strange and unnatural. But in this picture there is something alluring. Whether the glitter of her eyes, or the feeling of command...
And many condemning large families, actually are jealous of the twinkle, the excitement. I am jealous of the amount of love. Do not wanting anyone to serve. Fear. Not finding the right person. Not being able to go against the views of society.
Realizing that the man gives me no your reaction, and, for example, ancestral memory, I rest easier. I find it easier to deal with such people. It's easier not to pay attention to such comments. And understand how important it is to surround yourself with like-minded girls in this matter too. How important it is to large to be friends with many children. To share findings, problems and their solutions. To speak the same language. And to spare each other, not to whine and not to be surprised. Just be yourself.
For me, mother of many children – just the mother. Same as mother of one or two. She just has such a big heart and she can and wants to give love more. The only difference in this. (I'm talking about those mothers who do not just give birth and hand over to the orphanage. And those who are raising children then) by the Way, before large was considered the mother of five children – and I think it is more reasonable and correct. Three kids is quite a bit. And even four.
We don't need sympathy. This is something strange for me. To be pitied because of the number of children. And this happens often come in the shop the whole crowd, listen to what the poor and miserable. Why feel sorry for me? I am so happy that I have three sons and a husband. My children is my happiness in the morning until late at night. So generally younger sun, who with his smile melts my heart. What I regret?
I sleep as much as before. Sometimes even more. I have less free time, but I have much more. In my life more love and tenderness, more pleasant for me to worry about. Yes, a little more dirty dishes and noise. But I love it. Love your mother's care and routine. Love. In good moments and in difficult times. I love my boys and when they are grimy, and when they fight, and when they are capricious. It's the little things. Because with them I become a mother, a woman.
I always wanted a big family, and continue to want. Nothing has changed. Except that now I want more children.
Next to the boys I'm learning to be a Princess, to ask for help, to praise, to inspire. It's much easier with four than thirty years, believe me! They are like a litmus test that will show you your feminine inconsistency, or Vice versa. I like to play in their game where I am the Princess you want to rescue, and they defeat dragons, snakes and other vermin. I like to ask for their help because it helps them to become stronger. In the eyes of the elder son is revealed as a man. With the birth of a baby, he became more active in helping me.
In a large family, the child may get fewer toys and care, it's true. But do children need to be Hyper? When you're running around with spoons and plates, trying to persuade to eat a spoon for mom and dad. When they to ten years to tie your Shoe laces and walks. When they are shaking and heal any common cold with antibiotics. If they need a lot of toys that litter our home? In a big family the child learns to communicate, to interact, to help, to be useful, to love and to receive love. Learning to be one of the team. To frame elbow close. To grab his hand. For me it is more important.
I do not call anyone to the many children – each decides for itself. This should be ready, to want, to have fun like this. But the number of children is not what should survive and what should be afraid of. The family becomes stronger with each new child. A woman becomes deeper and wiser the man the stronger, the more those whom it is necessary to take care of. Tested on himself and friends.
We, mothers of many children, not heroine, not the victim and not even fools. We're just moms who love their children. Three, four, five... Who as God gave. I signed on to instagram for two wonderful moms, one of six children, and the other four. Their photos and comments always make me smile. Because love their families more. Not twice, but twenty. These moms are very beautiful and young with so many kids!
A mother with many children don't need pity. And do not need condemnation. It will not be the perfect mother. Neither will be any other mother. Therefore is no need to RUB it in. She doesn't need praise for performance. Much more helpful will be the assistance that you offer. The care that you surround her (just her, not her children). Help in the home. Dialogue on an equal footing. Attention. Them the opportunity with the husband to go alone while you sit with their children. That is, all the same that is required of any mother, regardless of the number of children. No difference in requirements there.
Every woman your way. And its "detailst" — the number of children required in order to open up as a woman and a mother. The number of children measured again. Adjusted by the woman not to go crazy and not to torture the children with their injuries. Someone needs many children someone enough one.
And it doesn't matter. No. We are all moms. We are all different. Special in their own way. I only wish you could see more babies and myths connected with it, through different eyes. And maybe to someone it will be useful and relevant.published