Do not correct children's mistakes

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I saw recently an article where a mother talked about a different approach to learning. That she scribbles in red pen in a notebook his daughter, but rather allocates green paste the most beautiful letters and the correct answers. This allows her daughter to not be afraid to make mistakes, to focus on the good, to see strengths in all. The essential quality in the modern world that few of us possess.

And then I wondered how often we are to teach children to "thinking errors". Come to see them. And only them. And then our children, as adults, suffer from blame, and the inability to be happy for his success (because he's not perfect), are all criticized in life, people only see the disadvantages.

For example, the child begins to speak. And he says, "atomos" instead of "bus". We are constantly improving and adjusting. The child is offended. Sometimes for some time may no longer do to say that word. Even if now he says "atomos" — does this mean that in twenty years he too will speak? Most adults words distorts. They say it should. Then why torture a small child, poking his nose in mistakes?

Or consider a baby book. My middle son sometimes calls tigers lions and mice – rats. Correct every time? Why? I play by his rules, on his side. Let this lion be a tiger, and Mickey mouse – rat. If he prefers it that way. After some time he realizes that a mouse is a mouse. And even correct me if I am in the habit of calling it rat. The most valuable thing for me here is that he understood it, it is not I poked him, don't I explained to him how to live, but he himself. Himself. Without prejudice to the self-esteem and cognitive process.

Or the child says he sees something, and you don't see. What should I do? To say that he's wrong that he is cheating that there is nothing? But children's imagination is very alive. They see things adults don't notice. Remember how little he saw all the trains, and airplanes – even if they were very far away. I didn't see them, and told him nothing. It was closed at some point – because I don't believe him. And then we found that in this place he is never wrong. Trains and planes always there where it shows, and we're not even looking.

I am very sensitive when children corrected. Especially the little ones. Especially very rudely and abruptly, edifying teacher's tone. On your middle son – he is very emotional – I can see his whole body immediately shrinks into a ball. And then produces different reactions. If he did something for the first time, or let the person close, and he pointed out a mistake – he offended. Crying bitter tears, is hammered under the table. Stops communicating with this person immediately and permanently. If he is confident that rights may be issued by the aggression, arguing. And still more people don't fit. Will not be long to come.

But there is a way to convey information to him – if it's important. If right is very critical here now is to correct him. In a quiet voice, with love, beginning with the words, "Yes, you're right." And then tell something that important. For example: "Yes, you're right. The tiger growls as a lion. And tiger stripes and a lion with grooooan mane, huh?" That's enough. Then he will process the information and give the answer.

But I prefer not to correct and not to point out the mistakes. But to focus on what he did well. The fact that he turned out fine. What he is strong. I try to notice only that – strengths. To speak only about them, to focus only on them them to encourage.

When children grow, we continue to poke them in error. Those friends chose bad passed the exam, got admitted, did not arrive at all where it is necessary, fell in love with, gave birth early, late... it is Obvious that such communication destroys all relationships with our children. It all starts with the little things, with a "bus" and usually ends with that and you are wrong, doing everything wrong.

Why is it important?Teach children to realize, to notice their mistakes by making them the focus – only on them, we shape their attitude to life. The girl who used to be afraid of corrections in his notebook with a red pen, will be very afraid to do everything wrong. She will cut myself for every mistake, error. And she will not be able to get pleasure from the process – any process. Because it is tense, trying not to make a mistake.

If we the child is a child give the message that the most important is the errors that attention should be directed only at them, then he gets used to live like that. Getting married and starting to look bad in a partner. Note to yourself, tell him to fix it. Women guilty of this more often – maybe because boys usually allow so many mistakes that parents tired to notice each of them? Or boys know how to turn a great number of our notations in the "white noise"?

And then these women have written in letters that they have nothing to thank her husband – well, Yes, working, earning, helping, taking out the trash, suffers. But he is in fact a tube of toothpaste does not close, snores, and has a Lisp. And taking out the trash not once, but three times a day. Instead of seeing the good in your husband's behavior and to do this accent for myself and for him, we focusareas on the faults. Would say thank you for taking out the trash. Though once in three days. The effect would be different.

We are accustomed to such evaluative perception, "thinking errors" — and survive him is very difficult. Allow yourself to be imperfect, to make these same mistakes. And allow others to be different, to make mistakes, to continue to them after that to be good.

Why is it so important to do it right?

Right = familiar, of course, All people wants a stable condition. Stable is what is familiar, what already works, what we did several times. It is supposed that if the right – it is not dangerous. Thus we are trying to instruct the child on the right path, and the path we are personally familiar. That absolutely does not mean that this path is true.

Correctly = as in allWe not only are afraid that something is not as it should be. But still overcoming to common our children fell out. Because they are part of our image, our history. We can either be proud of or ashamed of. The third is not given. Your mistakes they are like hinting to us – I have to be ashamed of. And then we are horrified by such a prospect, try again baby to return to "Normal".

Who else will tell the truth!The strangest misconception. Like, all around is silent, smiles, and does not say. And I'll say I can! It is an illusion. Because the mistakes that you need to fix, life itself will show. Show more gently than we do. Yes, can be hit on the head, but comes at one time without constant sudia over the ear. We fear for the future of their children and trying to somehow this is the future to predetermine and correct. Thereby only breaking the hearts of our children and destroying relationships.

We are well educated – and nothingBut what! Look at us and how we treat our mistakes (avoiding them, afraid of fire), other people's mistakes (sometimes like a magnifying glass stare at people in search of), how are we happy, successful and how easy is it for us to enjoy life, learn and build relationships. And all will become clear. If we were raised is not a reason to continue these traditions, especially because they lead nowhere.

We ourselves do not forgive errorsHere, perhaps, the saddest moment. In order for the stop notice error, we need to go through a huge transformation. And stop to see the mistakes in others and learn to forgive their own. To ensure that our children do not have the same features of a face, we need to get into your own heart and to hold a General cleaning. To learn when to shut up. And then do a normal facial expression. Learn to see the good – not so easy and not so fast. But worth it.

And just one story. Once I was struck by its simplicity. This story is about a wise mom of one girl. The story she told the girl.

"When I was in school, and after dinner came to help my mom. I liked it. Mom worked in a warehouse and I was helping her count the number of item, packing it, to get out of there. I was twelve years old.

One day my mother was counting. That is, she had to count and report to the authorities. We spent there the whole evening, I thought one part of the product. And another mom. Then she turned in the forms and we went home. The next day mom got called to work, even though she had the day off. It was not long, came back very tired. And said nothing I just had to go.

A few years over tea at my mother's friends, then her and I worked together, I heard a story about how he and my mom spent the whole day looking for shortage in the warehouse, I didn't know what happened to so many of the goods. Was so scared that I'll have to make. Almost gray, cried, tore his hair... And then it turned out that just on the inventory counted wrong...

I immediately remembered the case and said that it was looking for. It all came together. It was my mistake. Mom trusted me to help her because I asked nicely. Haven't checked because he trusted me. And spent a whole day and a lot of nerves in search of – because of me. But you didn't tell me.

When I asked her why she was silent, mother smiled and said:

-Why say something? You have ceased to believe in yourself and stop trying to help and to do something.

Since I respect my mom even more for her wisdom and love."

We should all learn to respect their children, their abilities and their future...

After all, if respected, not corrected the mistake, and saw in them the good which they so much.published

Author Olga Valyaeva from the book "destiny to be a mother"

Source: www.valyaeva.ru/ne-ispravlyajte-u-detej-oshibki/