We're masters of illusion. We often are in it and still trying to deceive others. Almost all who have children talking about how children are important. How much they mean. That is their main value – the family.
Sounds nice. But it is not very clear if all the children is so important, why aren't there more kids? And why children are not particularly happy – as are the parents who say this? Why do kids spend less time just trying to shove in kindergarten or grandmothers?
With a friend we decided to conduct an experiment. She has two children. She says that children – the most important thing in her life. She really loves them. And we decided to count how much time she spends with them and what is everything else. All day she took notes, trying to behave as usual, not trying to fake anything.
The result was that 8-9 hours a day is work. Still two hours to the trip. In the morning she runs away when the kids are still asleep. Max manages to kiss. In the evening she has an hour before they go to sleep. And what is she doing? She cleans the apartment and prepares a meal for tomorrow. Maybe even peek a glimpse in the diary of a senior.
As a result, in a typical day the kids get from her ten minute bedtime story. Another kiss in the morning, three or four calls on the phone during the day.
For purity of experiment we wanted to perform and its Sunday. But it turned out that on Sunday the children always takes a grandmother. And she does the cleaning, shopping, meetings with friends, sometimes even manages to communicate with her husband. And with children the same ten minutes in the evening.
"But I work for them!" she says, almost crying, though I am do not blame her.
"First, you still have a husband, remember? And secondly, the children need it? You've asked them about this?" — I respond very carefully.
"Recently the younger child drew a picture in kindergarten. He called it "leaving my job". We are all together in the Park...." — and then don't need to explain anything to her, she understands.
How is it that they are most important to us, but time and attention is getting the least? Maybe we just kidding ourselves? We know that it would be right if they were the most important to us. But in fact my own pleasure, thought and work for us much more important than their eyes, and games.
The problem is not that we don't like them. Rather, we do not consider the time spent with them, something important. Important is something else that we do for them – pay for their schools, camps, vacations, toys. But is it really all that important?
We don't know what to do with them, and if know, sometimes these classes seem useless. What is useful is that I'm sick forty times, and the child – the doctor? What is useful to carry back and forth with cars? To collect a hundred times the same puzzle or to build another house? The hut-it is still blazing, and the horses gallop and jump. And I'm here, doing some kind of nonsense.
We don't have enough time, its always on what is missing. All the time not to children. At least – not to play with them. And we ask them to wait – because once their case is for us less important, so can wait. Wait, wait, then, now here's a smart article to write, now delicious dinner will cook, I'll teach you how to read and write, that will make you a man... and the child grows. And someday when we finish everything and we are ready to talk and play with him he is already married (or getting married).
We have no extra attention we could give to a child. Even being with him, we will be mentally somewhere at work or on TV. Or even physically can at the same time texting and checking social network. Even being with him, actually we – no. We are not, because our attention here and now not. And whether you want the child to its parent body, the mind which is far away, shipped and where it is unclear it is not clear when will be released?
We never have enough children of the force. Because we already gave away your power to anybody – a boss, a neighbor, TV annual report. So you, dear child, wait. Others can't wait – and you wait. We unwise use of their resources, do not protect their hand. And often we feel tired barely awake. Because they do not get enough sleep per night. And sleep just. The baby is sleeping — sleep. And we "Vkontakte" sit instead – it's more important than our health, our sleep and our children.
One friend complains to me that she had no power for six months. Ask what makes every day. Nothing special, as usual – life, child. Well, the TV. What's in the TV? So the news is about the war in Ukraine. No, it doesn't concern it. No, affect is it can not. But can not see. Already as a dependency in the morning, afternoon, evening and even at night. Just as it is, without me this is happening! Well, be aware, of course. But then without you going on with your child?
So we handed out right and left unnecessary and unimportant relationships, people, events. As children grow up. And one day come to his senses, wants to embrace — and later, certain. Later because they have their own life. And as we were once, now they have no time. Once and why. Now you wait, mother. The same as waiting for your child. And one day, maybe he wants to hug you. However, at this point, you might not be....
It turns out that actually children are not included in our scale of values. They're somewhere on the margins, in the last place, after all, very important work, the Internet, TV, neighbors, repair, soup... anything. There is a saying: "If you believe that there is a God, then why live as if It is not." Similarly you can say – if children are so important to you, why live like you does not matter to them?
We simply do not see meaning and value in our children. Talk about it, talk a lot, but behave differently. Sad.
It is sad that many children go to kindergarten in a year, and in a few weeks are left without mothers with nannies and grandmothers. And mom still go to get some rest. I will never understand. Why break from the kids? I have three of them. When I offer them "pass and play" — I have it only causes confusion. I never get tired of children. From life, Yes. From work — can. From the kids and husband — no. Otherwise, why a family? Children – it's not a hell of a job by pulling bricks from which it is necessary to relax. Children is the purest love and the opportunity to open my clogged heart.
But happily, more and more mothers Wake up. Mom left work, mom read books about attachment, think about the future, teach children at home, spend much time with them. More and more fathers begin to understand the true value of parenthood – and now more and more dads who play with children on the streets. Not all of us lost. We have a lot of possibilities to realize the imbalance in the value system and correct it.
Now, when I realize how many years I was a mom on the machine, I want to greedily absorb every minute. We cook pasta with princesses and cars and spend hours poking around in them. Who eats green, who houses and who the flowers. Sit and watch cartoons together. So I'm in the cartoon to put the necessary emphasis – what is good and what is bad. Lying together – we Valeeva, we love most together to lie. Read together, draw, play sports, cook. All together. All the time together. And I'm enjoying every moment. Try to soak, to penetrate, to drop all the stupid voices inside my head and just be in the here and now – with them.
And in these moments I am filled with energy even more than if I went for a massage. I rest stronger, fuller and more harmonious. With kids. Whom I love very much and who give me every day the chance to change your heart, learn to enjoy today.
And now try to quit as soon as you will approach the child. All your super-important things to leave unfinished. To show him that he is very important to you. Super important. To respond to his call immediately, instantly. Without the "wait" and "not now." Make a gift to yourself and your child. Try. You will not regret. published
Author: Olga Valyaeva, Chapter from the book "destiny to be a mother"
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©