Dad, please stop "breaking" of their children. Please. I keenly felt the need to write about this after what I saw today in the store. Please forgive me for the tone of the article, but just can't – I'm overwhelmed with despair and anger. Please read – I know it's pretty lengthy, but it is necessary to say and to share.
Today, when my son and I stood in line at the store, I saw before us a father with a boy about six years old. The kid is very timidly asked my dad if I can buy ice cream on the way home. Father looked down at him and barked so he couldn't distracted him, he stood next to a wall and kept quiet. The boy immediately wilted and shrank into the wall.
Our turn is closer, so the boy went back to the father, quietly singing a children's song. He seems to have forgotten about that temper tantrum that a few moments ago descended on him. But the father turned and cursed the boy for the noise. The boy shied away from him, and again shrank back into the wall.
I was taken aback. This man could not see what I saw? He could not see this wonderful creature in his shadow? Why he did not hesitate even for a minute, "knocks out" all the happiness of their own child? Why he doesn't appreciate that brief time when you can be everything for your son?
There were three in front of the cashier and the boy again moved away from the wall and approached the father. The father abruptly left the line, grabbed his hands by the shoulders and squeezed so that the child winced: "If I hear another sound or you will depart from the walls of the house get!" The boy stuck to the wall and no longer moving. Didn't make a sound. His beautiful baby face suddenly faded, and ceased to Express emotions. He was a broken man. Dad didn't want to mess with it and break the baby – the simplest way of "education".
And then we wonder why children grow up "broken".
Will sharp. Many people see how I interact with my son and sing my praises because I love my son more, than other fathers love their children. Damn it! I don't know and probably will never understand. To love a son, raise my son, play with son's tasks, which can handle not only super-dads. Anyone can father. Always. No exceptions. I am no one special. I am a father who loves his child and will do anything for his well-being, safety and health. I would rather get a shovel in the face or a hammer on a finger than humiliate or "put in place" his son.
I'm not a perfect father. But hell, good enough to give his son to understand that when any life difficulties they may feel at altitude. Why? Because we realize the influence of the father on the child's life and his level of confidence. I understand that everything I ever do or say to my son, will be imbibed it as a sponge for the benefit or harm. I do not understand only one thing – how is not aware of the other dads?!
Fathers! Light up your face when you see a child in the morning or come home from work? You understand that the moral values of your children are based solely on what they see on your face?
Do you understand that the child believes that what you called them? What people often begin to match them is stuck on labels? How often do you say to a child: "This is the most stupid thing you can think of", "This is the most ridiculous thing you can do." You believe that your child is an idiot? Because he already believed. Bravo! Think about it.
Fathers! Do you think that someone would believe that you can't move for 20 minutes from a computer or a TV to play with your child? Don't you realize that the level of trust to parents, will entirely depend on whether they are playing with them and how they are involved in the process of the game? Do you realize the harm caused to children when not playing with them every day?
You think someone will buy this stupid and cheap excuse that anger sometimes or even often necessary in the process of education? You understand that anger is almost always an emotion for people who want to control others, but unable to control themselves? You know that there are awesome books and entire courses to teach you more? And most importantly – do you notice how quickly a child breaks down or goes out of obedience, when the family is ruled by anger?
You are so hardened and ceased to feel the child's soul that don't even feel depressed when they flinch or cringe in your presence? Is this the only thing you want from them? So they obeyed you and were afraid of you?
Dad! Don't you realize the power of touch? You don't know what occurs when you stroke the child's back or stomach, putting to sleep? Wake up, dad! These unique precious souls entrusted to your care, and this sensitivity. All you have to say or not say, will appear on their abilities, success and happiness later in life.
Don't you understand that children will make mistakes, many mistakes? Don't you realize the harm caused, poking repeatedly with the nose of your child in his misconduct or failure? Do you have any idea how easy it is to humiliate a child? About the same as to say "What have you done, you fool!?" or "Idiot, how can you repeat..."
Let me ask you: you had to look into the swollen eyes of the parents whose child just died?
Have you ever wept at the funeral of a child?
Have you ever touched a wooden box, inside of which was a child? The child whose laugh you'll never hear?
I had been touched.
And pray to God that no one else had to do this.
Dad! It's time to tell the children that you love them. And say it all the time. It's time to rejoice in their 20 thousand questions a day and their inability to do everything as quickly as we would have liked. Their facial expressions and incorrectly pronounced words. Time to enjoy everything, what are our children...
It's time to ask yourself: "What can I do to be a good father?" Prioritize. And truly become them.
The time on the example to show the sons how to treat a woman and her daughter show what she should expect from men. Time to show generosity, compassion and empathy. The time by example, not words, to show children what a healthy lifestyle, gender roles, proper social norms. It is time to understand that labels like "Tomboy" girls or "Lily-dipping" for boys is not normal. Children have their views and preferences and we should not impose stereotypes.
Fathers! Speak softer with his sons. Speak quieter with his daughters. What do you want for your child? That he in school, had no friends, no respect for himself? Or that he was elected class President and he felt that he was more worthy? Do we not see that to give to children to understand this – in our government? Do we not realize that we can give our children tools for social survival?
And do we not see the influence exerted on children when we say believe in one thing and do another? When there is so little help the children decide on their choice, to openly share his point of view and to live according to their own principles? Not for us to tell the children what to think. But we can help them to think correctly. And if we do this, don't worry about what they would choose for themselves and how strongly they would defend their choice. Man true to his beliefs all his life, and other beliefs – only as long as not burnt.
Hell, dad! Each child has an innate right to ask ice not to be humiliated for it. Each child has an innate right to ask ice not to shrink in the corner because the man who should be his hero, is actually a small little man. Each child has an innate right to be happy, to laugh, to have fun and play. Why don't you let them? Every child on earth has a right to a father, who at first thinks and then speaks; the father who realizes what great power he was given – to shape another person's life; a father who loves his child more than TV and sports games; a father who loves their child more than their stuff; a father who loves his child more than his time. Every child deserves a dad-superhero.
Perhaps the truth is that not all fathers deserve their children.
Perhaps the truth is that many fathers are not fathers at all.
I apologize for the harshness in his statements. I guess part of me feels like a coward because of the fact that I said nothing to the man in line at the store. Let this be my repentance. I guess part of me feels that if even one father will read the text and decide to become better, if the life of even one child will be a little easier because my words touched his father, every second of time I spent on writing this article, was not in vain. published
Article By Dan Pierce "You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations"
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©