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5 types of fathers who make their children from notorious losers
Let me read this article to my father! With it, your parent will understand why he raised you wrong. And if you do not want to repeat his mistakes, he read.
Ideal Fathers does not happen (remember that Jesus had to endure because of his wayward dad). I think you, too, is no exception to the rule. However, the sad thing about this situation is that you can not know what the teacher of you did not. Find an error in your own parenting style Usually parents as difficult as the vampire to find on his forehead pimple using a mirror. Often, any difficulties which arise are interpreted as abnormal behavior of the child in relations with adult children. To stop blaming on fragile shoulders of children and to understand to what errors you are inclined to the process of education, find themselves at a distinct signs among 5 patterns of upbringing. Please note: one stereotype does not exclude the other. You can be, for example, "eternally dissatisfied authoritarian father-bodyguard».
Explain what you are wrong, and give you instructions what to do, we have asked our regular consultant, leading specialist of "We" the center of family psychology, candidate of psychological sciences Tatyana Sviridov.
Eternally dissatisfied father
Special signs
Such a father is almost impossible to please. ( "Papa, papa I found a gold nugget the size of a horse's skull!" - "Where in the shoes on the carpet ?!") "Such a rejection of her own child usually works on a deep subconscious level, - says Ms. Sviridov. - Even if it is not expressed in loud reproaches expressed by the father still unconsciously worried that his offspring are weaker and less successful than the other children. " The habit to assess your child's contrived standards leads to the fact that even his real progress will remain unnoticed. For example, for a conditional Pope-athlete this species first place in the French horn competition, which took his son sniveller means absolutely nothing. After all, this deadhead can not even catch three times! Especially holding his precious horn in his mouth.
All in father
Rejects the child grows up with low self-esteem. "He can not show independence, since it is not sure in their own abilities," - explains the regularity of our consultant. In addition, such a stereotype of education can lead to stubbornness, and other varieties of children's disobedience. Do not give the father's love, the child begins to behave specifically to annoy parents: "Since I am such a bad, then here you!»
On the road to reform
Of all the five described "wrong" type of the most difficult to correct. Parental love is blind and, in principle, work without additional recharge indefinitely. The reason for the deviation from the exact genetic givens will find only a professional psychologist. The origins are very different: they can be in the child's father, who also rejected the parents, in the existing marriage of because of "aerial" in the overwhelming suspicion that the child is not "your", etc. If you get into this.. category of fathers try to look at their behavior from the outside. Literally. Let the camera records everything that happens at home: a family breakfast, cooperative games. "Since the rejection often works on an unconscious level, playback will not only help you to provide documentary evidence to the unpleasant truth that you deny the child, but also, perhaps, understand for what reason you experience irritation," - says Tatiana
<. br> Father-bodyguard
Special signs
When "Bodyguard" is about her baby, he did not hesitate to use the word "we" and its derivatives. ( "We have a temperature," "We'll go to school", "We again crap one's pants today, well, more accurately, just me, ha ha.") His life as a father treats only in the child's context: it is not just making money - he works for the future of his heir. "In psychology, this is called a" symbiotic relationship ". They tend to people who do not feel the other person's borders. The child, for simbiotika is a continuation of the father of the person who does not understand that his child - it is a separate entity with its own interests and characteristics, "- explains Tatiana. If at school there was some sort of incident with teachers or classmates, "bodyguard" run deal, as perceived the incident as a personal drama.
All in father
As a result of too close contact symbiotic type of child depends on the mood of an adult. If the sad father - is sad and son. ( "No, I will not let you go with the boys to the yard. We will sit together in the dark room, staring at one point, and grieve that I have forty-five years, and I still occupy the shameful position of vice president of the bank, and in fact could already be its president. ") But the worst thing a child will have when it enters an independent life. Having the wrong relationship experience, in the future it will be in vain to reach for people to get the same sharp and overpowering emotional contact as a child. Well, if it will fall simbiotik the same, but it is likely waiting for a series of disappointments. Psychoanalysts believe that just such a person more prone to all dependencies: alcohol, drugs, gambling. Symbiosis abhors a vacuum. But this vacuum easily filled drinks that are always at hand and never let you down.
On the road to reform
If you find the features of the "bodyguard", our expert recommends that you try to get excited about something else besides the dearest child. More time for collecting compasses - less time to spoil the child's life. In addition, the process of adding Strengthen separating off the old duties. For example, a contract with the child, that help him solve math homework now you absolutely will not. Since symbiosis - a problem between two people, the main thing - to give a child the experience of communicating with others, so that he got acquainted with different types of behavior. Such a society will give sports section, a summer camp, the nurse or kidnepery.
authoritarian father
Special signs
authoritarian fathers typically come from families in which authoritarianism is also manifested (therefore every son of an authoritarian father also is also the grandson of the authoritarian grandfather). Communication with the child at such a parent is always limited by strict rules and strictly regulated. Notice that this is the vaunted authority is not based on merit or skills of his father, but simply on the fact that he is older, taller and with a mustache. ( "I will not eat this stew!" - "You will!" - "I will not!" - "I said, you will - then you will!" - "Papa Well solvable then at least open to this tin can!")
All in father
The child, a child crushed by his father's authority, and accustomed to the fact that can not be capricious, likely never learn to express their emotions in words. "This creates the risk that any grief they will experience harder, he can not help himself," reserving "it. And this is the first step towards the emergence of psychosomatic problems, "- says Ms. Sviridov. On the whole, of the children who were brought up in an authoritarian family, obtained the perfect slave. They are very pedantic, diligence and devotion. If you are the head of personnel, it is pick up the such will not lose. However, they lack the courage of creative thinking and flexibility, but clearly defined tasks they will perform and out.
On the road to reform
If you had enough willpower to stop command himself to command the child, and gait. However, once you convert themselves unlikely. And therefore try to drive yourself to the favorite you frame the rules. Most play with the baby in the game, which does not depend on your age, personal, power and opinion. Suitable and "Monopoly", and bingo, and Russian roulette, if, of course, the gun is not too tight for the child's trigger. So how to win in these games can be anyone of you, you're not going to push his exaggerated reputation. To balance your character and the game in which the child will command you. You can play the horse, fumbling at his restive, unbroken ridge heir. And if he is older, just ask him to explain to you how to deal with iTunes. Going against his authoritarian nature, you will be hard, but you must always show your child that daddy is and others.
Father-sufferer
Special signs
The child "sufferer" can stand on his head (including his own), but his father never rebuked him. How can you! Let him only two years, but it already formed personality! You probably have met a similar product of education: in the plane of the young bawlers usually planted just behind your chair. Daddy-sufferer never sees the problems that gives the surrounding child. If someone else makes a remark (such as a child hears them from strangers constantly), his father did not get offending varmint, and a stranger. Instead of looking for the cause of disgusting behavior is sought and, by itself, is an excuse indiscretions.
All in father
"The child, who was not at the time set boundaries of behavior, Mowgli grows in a social sense - labeled as our consultant. - The Company will not accept this savage, as most of his actions will be perceived as rudeness and arrogance. Indulgence in any of his "want" forms a psychopathic personality, which will be tough to break any rules and regulations. " At the same time he "Mowgli" never guess what he gets all, and did not think to ask for forgiveness. His sense of empathy and was not developed, so he does not understand that it may be angry and offended.
On the road to reform
From now on, your mind must prevail over emotions. It will be easier to achieve if you will be watching for any act of their child as if through the eyes of an outsider. The son threw you into the pocket bra educators? What a cute joke! But how would you have done if it did not your heir, but someone's stranger dunce? Yes, of course, in the end you will forgive her son, but in any case not at once: after any misdemeanor child should receive feedback. Do not swallow even the smallest insult. You have to explain every time, why this or that act is good or bad. If you are so weak creature, that you each time the heart bleeds when it is necessary to punish the child, hiring a nanny is very strict and give her full authority over the child. If Carlson for a child keep an eye Bok, the tale would have been boring, but the baby cakes and a steam machine would remain intact.
Father-nurse
Special signs
Such parents are easily recognizable by walking beside the three-year man, who in his later years still does not let the infant mouth pacifier. Father-nurse treats a child under his real age. Blowing dust from the fumes typical of any parent. Remember how you touching care of your child when he is sick and is in blinding you pity. ( "Expel the room boring pony and invite fresh clowns? Now, now! Do not get up!") I remembered? Here are just a father-nurse refers to his own way - every day. Besides the fact that such an excessive desire to protect the child from any difficulties associated with the natural love for his offspring, often burdened with internal problems of his father. "It could severely shake any misfortune happened to the child. For example, it is very long and very sick or nearly hit by a car - suggests Tatiana Sviridov. - Or, for example, the father simply feels for something his guilt in front of him. By the way, causes awareness turn you into a nurse-father - is the first and biggest step to correcting
situation. " All in father
Because, do not correspond to its real capacity requirements, exhibited to the child, it will grow very moody. The surrounding people, especially parents, spoiled child will always be perceived only as a means to meet their needs. At the same time, while others will suffer from his selfishness, he will have difficulty adapting to the circle of peers: the whole group have already been built in pairs at the door, and he was still waiting for the teacher will tie him shoelace. Haha, like Nelson said, pointing at this mama's son.
On the road to reform
The easiest way - to read at least one book on robust standards of child development and believe what it says. If clever people have written that a child of two years should be able to build (without your help!) Tower of eight blocks, the way it is. (By the way, it is a pity that these standards come to an end at the school age. It would be interesting to know how tall a tower of cubes should be able to build a man, say, forty-two years.) And, as noted, that the founding fathers of nurses are most often found in families with one child, you can make a couple of children. However, then you will not be soon time for our magazine. So just in case, say goodbye to you.
Source: maximonline.ru
Ideal Fathers does not happen (remember that Jesus had to endure because of his wayward dad). I think you, too, is no exception to the rule. However, the sad thing about this situation is that you can not know what the teacher of you did not. Find an error in your own parenting style Usually parents as difficult as the vampire to find on his forehead pimple using a mirror. Often, any difficulties which arise are interpreted as abnormal behavior of the child in relations with adult children. To stop blaming on fragile shoulders of children and to understand to what errors you are inclined to the process of education, find themselves at a distinct signs among 5 patterns of upbringing. Please note: one stereotype does not exclude the other. You can be, for example, "eternally dissatisfied authoritarian father-bodyguard».
Explain what you are wrong, and give you instructions what to do, we have asked our regular consultant, leading specialist of "We" the center of family psychology, candidate of psychological sciences Tatyana Sviridov.
Eternally dissatisfied father
Special signs
Such a father is almost impossible to please. ( "Papa, papa I found a gold nugget the size of a horse's skull!" - "Where in the shoes on the carpet ?!") "Such a rejection of her own child usually works on a deep subconscious level, - says Ms. Sviridov. - Even if it is not expressed in loud reproaches expressed by the father still unconsciously worried that his offspring are weaker and less successful than the other children. " The habit to assess your child's contrived standards leads to the fact that even his real progress will remain unnoticed. For example, for a conditional Pope-athlete this species first place in the French horn competition, which took his son sniveller means absolutely nothing. After all, this deadhead can not even catch three times! Especially holding his precious horn in his mouth.
All in father
Rejects the child grows up with low self-esteem. "He can not show independence, since it is not sure in their own abilities," - explains the regularity of our consultant. In addition, such a stereotype of education can lead to stubbornness, and other varieties of children's disobedience. Do not give the father's love, the child begins to behave specifically to annoy parents: "Since I am such a bad, then here you!»
On the road to reform
Of all the five described "wrong" type of the most difficult to correct. Parental love is blind and, in principle, work without additional recharge indefinitely. The reason for the deviation from the exact genetic givens will find only a professional psychologist. The origins are very different: they can be in the child's father, who also rejected the parents, in the existing marriage of because of "aerial" in the overwhelming suspicion that the child is not "your", etc. If you get into this.. category of fathers try to look at their behavior from the outside. Literally. Let the camera records everything that happens at home: a family breakfast, cooperative games. "Since the rejection often works on an unconscious level, playback will not only help you to provide documentary evidence to the unpleasant truth that you deny the child, but also, perhaps, understand for what reason you experience irritation," - says Tatiana
<. br> Father-bodyguard
Special signs
When "Bodyguard" is about her baby, he did not hesitate to use the word "we" and its derivatives. ( "We have a temperature," "We'll go to school", "We again crap one's pants today, well, more accurately, just me, ha ha.") His life as a father treats only in the child's context: it is not just making money - he works for the future of his heir. "In psychology, this is called a" symbiotic relationship ". They tend to people who do not feel the other person's borders. The child, for simbiotika is a continuation of the father of the person who does not understand that his child - it is a separate entity with its own interests and characteristics, "- explains Tatiana. If at school there was some sort of incident with teachers or classmates, "bodyguard" run deal, as perceived the incident as a personal drama.
All in father
As a result of too close contact symbiotic type of child depends on the mood of an adult. If the sad father - is sad and son. ( "No, I will not let you go with the boys to the yard. We will sit together in the dark room, staring at one point, and grieve that I have forty-five years, and I still occupy the shameful position of vice president of the bank, and in fact could already be its president. ") But the worst thing a child will have when it enters an independent life. Having the wrong relationship experience, in the future it will be in vain to reach for people to get the same sharp and overpowering emotional contact as a child. Well, if it will fall simbiotik the same, but it is likely waiting for a series of disappointments. Psychoanalysts believe that just such a person more prone to all dependencies: alcohol, drugs, gambling. Symbiosis abhors a vacuum. But this vacuum easily filled drinks that are always at hand and never let you down.
On the road to reform
If you find the features of the "bodyguard", our expert recommends that you try to get excited about something else besides the dearest child. More time for collecting compasses - less time to spoil the child's life. In addition, the process of adding Strengthen separating off the old duties. For example, a contract with the child, that help him solve math homework now you absolutely will not. Since symbiosis - a problem between two people, the main thing - to give a child the experience of communicating with others, so that he got acquainted with different types of behavior. Such a society will give sports section, a summer camp, the nurse or kidnepery.
authoritarian father
Special signs
authoritarian fathers typically come from families in which authoritarianism is also manifested (therefore every son of an authoritarian father also is also the grandson of the authoritarian grandfather). Communication with the child at such a parent is always limited by strict rules and strictly regulated. Notice that this is the vaunted authority is not based on merit or skills of his father, but simply on the fact that he is older, taller and with a mustache. ( "I will not eat this stew!" - "You will!" - "I will not!" - "I said, you will - then you will!" - "Papa Well solvable then at least open to this tin can!")
All in father
The child, a child crushed by his father's authority, and accustomed to the fact that can not be capricious, likely never learn to express their emotions in words. "This creates the risk that any grief they will experience harder, he can not help himself," reserving "it. And this is the first step towards the emergence of psychosomatic problems, "- says Ms. Sviridov. On the whole, of the children who were brought up in an authoritarian family, obtained the perfect slave. They are very pedantic, diligence and devotion. If you are the head of personnel, it is pick up the such will not lose. However, they lack the courage of creative thinking and flexibility, but clearly defined tasks they will perform and out.
On the road to reform
If you had enough willpower to stop command himself to command the child, and gait. However, once you convert themselves unlikely. And therefore try to drive yourself to the favorite you frame the rules. Most play with the baby in the game, which does not depend on your age, personal, power and opinion. Suitable and "Monopoly", and bingo, and Russian roulette, if, of course, the gun is not too tight for the child's trigger. So how to win in these games can be anyone of you, you're not going to push his exaggerated reputation. To balance your character and the game in which the child will command you. You can play the horse, fumbling at his restive, unbroken ridge heir. And if he is older, just ask him to explain to you how to deal with iTunes. Going against his authoritarian nature, you will be hard, but you must always show your child that daddy is and others.
Father-sufferer
Special signs
The child "sufferer" can stand on his head (including his own), but his father never rebuked him. How can you! Let him only two years, but it already formed personality! You probably have met a similar product of education: in the plane of the young bawlers usually planted just behind your chair. Daddy-sufferer never sees the problems that gives the surrounding child. If someone else makes a remark (such as a child hears them from strangers constantly), his father did not get offending varmint, and a stranger. Instead of looking for the cause of disgusting behavior is sought and, by itself, is an excuse indiscretions.
All in father
"The child, who was not at the time set boundaries of behavior, Mowgli grows in a social sense - labeled as our consultant. - The Company will not accept this savage, as most of his actions will be perceived as rudeness and arrogance. Indulgence in any of his "want" forms a psychopathic personality, which will be tough to break any rules and regulations. " At the same time he "Mowgli" never guess what he gets all, and did not think to ask for forgiveness. His sense of empathy and was not developed, so he does not understand that it may be angry and offended.
On the road to reform
From now on, your mind must prevail over emotions. It will be easier to achieve if you will be watching for any act of their child as if through the eyes of an outsider. The son threw you into the pocket bra educators? What a cute joke! But how would you have done if it did not your heir, but someone's stranger dunce? Yes, of course, in the end you will forgive her son, but in any case not at once: after any misdemeanor child should receive feedback. Do not swallow even the smallest insult. You have to explain every time, why this or that act is good or bad. If you are so weak creature, that you each time the heart bleeds when it is necessary to punish the child, hiring a nanny is very strict and give her full authority over the child. If Carlson for a child keep an eye Bok, the tale would have been boring, but the baby cakes and a steam machine would remain intact.
Father-nurse
Special signs
Such parents are easily recognizable by walking beside the three-year man, who in his later years still does not let the infant mouth pacifier. Father-nurse treats a child under his real age. Blowing dust from the fumes typical of any parent. Remember how you touching care of your child when he is sick and is in blinding you pity. ( "Expel the room boring pony and invite fresh clowns? Now, now! Do not get up!") I remembered? Here are just a father-nurse refers to his own way - every day. Besides the fact that such an excessive desire to protect the child from any difficulties associated with the natural love for his offspring, often burdened with internal problems of his father. "It could severely shake any misfortune happened to the child. For example, it is very long and very sick or nearly hit by a car - suggests Tatiana Sviridov. - Or, for example, the father simply feels for something his guilt in front of him. By the way, causes awareness turn you into a nurse-father - is the first and biggest step to correcting
situation. " All in father
Because, do not correspond to its real capacity requirements, exhibited to the child, it will grow very moody. The surrounding people, especially parents, spoiled child will always be perceived only as a means to meet their needs. At the same time, while others will suffer from his selfishness, he will have difficulty adapting to the circle of peers: the whole group have already been built in pairs at the door, and he was still waiting for the teacher will tie him shoelace. Haha, like Nelson said, pointing at this mama's son.
On the road to reform
The easiest way - to read at least one book on robust standards of child development and believe what it says. If clever people have written that a child of two years should be able to build (without your help!) Tower of eight blocks, the way it is. (By the way, it is a pity that these standards come to an end at the school age. It would be interesting to know how tall a tower of cubes should be able to build a man, say, forty-two years.) And, as noted, that the founding fathers of nurses are most often found in families with one child, you can make a couple of children. However, then you will not be soon time for our magazine. So just in case, say goodbye to you.
Source: maximonline.ru
