What is the congruence, or harmful than good manners

I thought of La Rochefoucauld about the cold, the danger of improper gifts and why the wingman should be congruent.

"Congruence" is the word which we know from the school curriculum in geometry. Geometric shapes (or solids) are congruent, if one of them can be translated to another using a motion shift, rotation or mirroring. But, after high school, we learn that this term can have other meanings, including in the sphere of human relations. Let's try to understand them.

The Latin word congruō means "I coincide, I agree." And in the natural Sciences as well as in precise congruence implies equivalence of the items to each other. But going to the Humanities literal "coincidence" begins to take on a new, metaphorical meaning. So there was a psychological definition of congruence.

This pattern formulated La Rochefoucauld: "it Should fool us to praise as he does not seem so stupid."Its history began in 1955, when he published "the Theory of congruence" of American psychologists Osgood and Tannenbaum. Its main thesis was that in order to overcome cognitive dissonance (the conflict of ideas and views in the mind of the individual), people at the same time changes his attitude towards the two conflicting sources of information.

For example, you have N friend, to which you have a great attitude and I consider him smart and a good person. And then he praises some phenomenon that you don't like — for example, a new bill. This creates a contradiction: you used to positively assess the judgments of N, but its position has ceased to coincide with your. To restore harmony, you may decide that a) N is a fool and you're disappointed in him b) N smart, and your position should be reviewed in) N something is wrong, but your position is not so correct. The last option is the best way to restore the harmonious balance of assessments, which the authors of the theory called a congruence.

This example works in the opposite direction — let's say you like a man and suddenly discovered that he is crazy for your favorite artist or appreciates your accomplishments. And it seems he is not so unpleasant, isn't it? This pattern was formulated in the XVII century writer françois de La Rochefoucauld: "it Should fool us to praise as he does not seem so stupid."

Another American psychologist Carl Rogers developed a theory of personality, where the concept of congruence has a very different meaning than in social psychology. For him, "congruence"— "the term we use to denote an exact match of our experience (feelings) and awareness".

And again here is an example. Imagine that you find out the relationship with the loved one and feel a clear irritation and anger that you are unable to hide. But since become subjective and "losing face", succumbing to emotions is to show weakness, you don't want to admit his anger and continue to believe that only logically defend their point of view. At this moment you are incongruent, you lost your compliance experiences, his awareness and expression.

Interestingly, from the psychology of congruence migrated to NLP, and from there to the theory of the charge. The developers plans for the subjugation of women believe that congruence is a necessary quality for self-confident alpha male.Or, say you wanted to get on birthday scooter, and friends unexpectedly hand you a set of poker. You don't want to upset friends and, sourly smiling, thanking for the wonderful gift. In this case you understand that feel, but cannot Express it — the congruence is obvious.

And then there is a serious contradiction between ethics and psychology. Rogers believed that congruence — the key to inner harmony of the personality: the person cannot suppress anything not deceive himself, and thus becomes himself and better understand their desires. On the other hand, if we begin to Express what I think and feel, we will deliver a lot of discomfort to others and will certainly violate a number of secular conventions. And the point of balance then everyone chooses for himself.

Interestingly, from the psychology of congruence migrated to NLP, and from there to the theory of the charge. The developers plans for the subjugation of women believe that congruence is a necessary quality for self-confident alpha male. But, unlike the theory of Rogers are just being themselves there's still not enough for happiness.

"If you're weak, and uninteresting gray mouse, then you can be supercongruences, showing who you are, but you're not cool," says one pikeperch guidelines. — If you're cool, but not congruent, it means you're trying too hard (trying to be what in fact you are not). Again by. For what would you consider attractive, you should possess both characteristics." I must give credit to the author is a certain logic in this.

How to speak

Wrong: "Why are you yelling at me? What is an incongruent reaction?". That's right: "inadequate"

That's right: "You need to strive for congruence and admit their true feelings"

Correct: "These two congruent silhouette — one is a mirror image of the other" published

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: theoryandpractice.ru