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5 things to discuss before marriage
In Athens under Pericles (495-429 BCE), bachelors were excluded from certain public positions, if not had a wife and children.
Image: Public library of Boston, CA. 1870-1900.
There are things that are important to discuss before marriage, on the shore, so to speak. I get a lot of emails from married women, where women complain about husbands who don't want to have joint finances or wasting money, drinking, cheating, don't want to have kids, etc ... And I want to ask, why play with the marriage of Russian roulette to get married on the impulse of the heart and in fact find that then it is impossible to coexist?
In marriage a lot is accepted, the trade-offs are very important, spouses are imperfect people and there will always be things in one's spouse that annoy the other, and which do not want to put up with.
But there are 5 fundamental things that makes sense is deeply and sincerely to discuss before marriage. They can become intractable stumbling blocks in the future.
Children
Religion
Money
Loyalty
Alcohol
If one spouse wants children and the other not, this can be a real problem which does not solve within the marriage. Hope that spouse will change his mind, not worth it. If you can not find a compromise, it is better not to marry.
Religion is more complicated, there are lots of options. For example, the husband may be a fairly religious Jew, and his wife's an atheist, which is still that the husband is religious. If both are satisfied with it, then this situation can work. It is important to ask yourself and your groom/bride, ustraivaut whether such views. When I got married, I already knew that you will not be able to be married to an atheist or a dogmatic religious person of any denomination. I could only live with a man who like me is looking for spirituality regardless of schools and religions, and accept people with different belief systems.
Money.
It makes sense to discuss how will be managed the finances in the family, and not current, but in General. What if one spouse will not be able to earn? Or Vice versa rich. Who will own the apartment will be shared or joint account? How will the decisions taken on spending. The alignment should make both. The most harmonious solution is joint finances. But other solutions also exist.
In my life this question once played a critical role. I had a prospective fiance who proposed to me, and I to it looked. I asked him how will look our finances after marriage. He said that finances will drive his mother that she is good at it. What we all earned money to give her, and she will be their to give us a spending. At first I thought he was joking, and asked what if I want the money I earn to buy a car. He said that the mother will most likely agree. And if you do not agree? Well then, we better beg. It turned out that he was serious, and in his previous marriage it was. And so ended our wonderful relationship. If a man is married to the mother, the wife do not belong there.
Loyalty.
It is important to discuss what both spouses have expectations in this area. Is loyalty an important value for both? It is understood that the marriage will be without change? For me it's almost obvious value and for my husband too, but it is not for everyone. And it is important to discuss in advance that the marriage is expected to change if it suits the other side, then fine (this marriage is very unstable), but if both satisfied, then the flag in his hands.
Alcohol or any other serious addiction (drugs, casino, computer games, etc.). For example, alcohol. The groom drinks nearly every day (within the "norm" — a bottle of beer or a few glasses of wine). Whether it is satisfied with a woman? If she understands that it will last a lifetime? We cannot expect that the man would drink less after marriage or the birth of children is how to count the arrival of Santa Claus for the New Year.
(I've discussed everything except alcohol, which almost led to divorce immediately after marriage. I didn't notice that my husband has a problem with alcohol (he drank so rarely that it actually did not get to the courtship period). Good thing he found within himself the will and threw it away.) published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.livejournal.com/magazine/956905.html
Image: Public library of Boston, CA. 1870-1900.
There are things that are important to discuss before marriage, on the shore, so to speak. I get a lot of emails from married women, where women complain about husbands who don't want to have joint finances or wasting money, drinking, cheating, don't want to have kids, etc ... And I want to ask, why play with the marriage of Russian roulette to get married on the impulse of the heart and in fact find that then it is impossible to coexist?
In marriage a lot is accepted, the trade-offs are very important, spouses are imperfect people and there will always be things in one's spouse that annoy the other, and which do not want to put up with.
But there are 5 fundamental things that makes sense is deeply and sincerely to discuss before marriage. They can become intractable stumbling blocks in the future.
Children
Religion
Money
Loyalty
Alcohol
If one spouse wants children and the other not, this can be a real problem which does not solve within the marriage. Hope that spouse will change his mind, not worth it. If you can not find a compromise, it is better not to marry.
Religion is more complicated, there are lots of options. For example, the husband may be a fairly religious Jew, and his wife's an atheist, which is still that the husband is religious. If both are satisfied with it, then this situation can work. It is important to ask yourself and your groom/bride, ustraivaut whether such views. When I got married, I already knew that you will not be able to be married to an atheist or a dogmatic religious person of any denomination. I could only live with a man who like me is looking for spirituality regardless of schools and religions, and accept people with different belief systems.
Money.
It makes sense to discuss how will be managed the finances in the family, and not current, but in General. What if one spouse will not be able to earn? Or Vice versa rich. Who will own the apartment will be shared or joint account? How will the decisions taken on spending. The alignment should make both. The most harmonious solution is joint finances. But other solutions also exist.
In my life this question once played a critical role. I had a prospective fiance who proposed to me, and I to it looked. I asked him how will look our finances after marriage. He said that finances will drive his mother that she is good at it. What we all earned money to give her, and she will be their to give us a spending. At first I thought he was joking, and asked what if I want the money I earn to buy a car. He said that the mother will most likely agree. And if you do not agree? Well then, we better beg. It turned out that he was serious, and in his previous marriage it was. And so ended our wonderful relationship. If a man is married to the mother, the wife do not belong there.
Loyalty.
It is important to discuss what both spouses have expectations in this area. Is loyalty an important value for both? It is understood that the marriage will be without change? For me it's almost obvious value and for my husband too, but it is not for everyone. And it is important to discuss in advance that the marriage is expected to change if it suits the other side, then fine (this marriage is very unstable), but if both satisfied, then the flag in his hands.
Alcohol or any other serious addiction (drugs, casino, computer games, etc.). For example, alcohol. The groom drinks nearly every day (within the "norm" — a bottle of beer or a few glasses of wine). Whether it is satisfied with a woman? If she understands that it will last a lifetime? We cannot expect that the man would drink less after marriage or the birth of children is how to count the arrival of Santa Claus for the New Year.
(I've discussed everything except alcohol, which almost led to divorce immediately after marriage. I didn't notice that my husband has a problem with alcohol (he drank so rarely that it actually did not get to the courtship period). Good thing he found within himself the will and threw it away.) published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.livejournal.com/magazine/956905.html
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