In my life people are often faced with aggression, inexplicable attacks, criticism and hate from both strangers and close friends and even relatives. If you respond to all this, you can ruin your life, says James Altucher known American trader, investor, entrepreneur and writer, author of numerous books on self-development and personal growth. We translated the article from his blog on how to deal with those who you can't stand.
To get strangers to hate yourself is very simple: it is enough to have your own opinion, be creative and be yourself. Your a hater can be anyone: a relative, friend, colleague, teacher, boss or just a stranger on the street or on the Internet. Former friends can suddenly become enemies. Need to know what to do in such situations. Most of the haters invisible, anonymous, they're trying to get to you in the head because they have such a peculiar method of communication.
Example: someone recently left a comment on my audiobook.
"It's just terrible... the author should never read aloud my own book. He's lazy, lowing manner of speech, so it is very difficult to believe what he says. In his voice as if there is no interest like a burden to him to pass on these valuable shoots of knowledge we, the poor miserable audience."
I'm not hunting for compliments. Some of them like my audiobook and some don't. Once in school, in 7th grade, we read aloud one book, and when it came to me, one girl said, "Oh no! Not only his voice..." Maybe she left the feedback? Whatever we do in life, some will hate us, others are laughing or gossiping, and others attack from the back, someone will take money or attempt to destroy our reputation, someone to threaten, tease or intimidate.
So listen: there are rules that help defeat the haters, the anonymous, virtual and real, among colleagues, family and those you love.
It's complicated. I don't always succeed, but I gradually improved. And when I am successful to follow these rules results in life improving. I hope you too will succeed.1. It's a little corny, but it is. Any anger is fear.
Anyone who hates it at the same time afraid of something. This does not mean that you should say, "Poor thing, he's just afraid". But it is necessary to note this fact.
For example, in the above example, the woman who wrote the opinion, said, "the poor unhappy listeners." Maybe she's afraid to be poor and miserable, so it is everywhere heard these words. It's her problem in life.
Often people say, "don't worry, they're just jealous". Possible. But maybe not. We can't read their thoughts. None of my business why someone me this or that opinion.
But in these people's lives is something that causes fear. And this fear is expressed as aggression towards you. They are projecting their own fear on you. For a short time you become this monster who was sitting inside of them. Anger is simply released out of fear.2. The problem is you
On many of his haters I don't even think. But some manage to press the right buttons. Some random climb to me in soul. Or not accidentally. As, for example, a relative who knows exactly what buttons to push. If someone finds the right button, I get angry and start to defend themselves. But it's not because people told me something terrible. And because of thick armor of anger hiding my fear is that they may be right. I may not even admit it to myself. In the end, they are the first raised "the knife," so I can blame them. But the reality is that I continue to put this "knife".
Take again the same example. I pulled it out of the hundreds of other examples, not because he's some kind of particularly unpleasant. I just realized that then you will be able to tell a story about how a girl in 7th grade made fun of my voice. Maybe I'm actually just really worried that I have some kind of strange voice. It is important to note this for myself.
When you constantly say something for yourself, you, at least, allocate these things out of the endless stream of thoughts. You remember them and keep in mind separately. Therefore, in the future they will be easier to learn and to cope with them. Maybe it will even help you learn more about yourself.3. The 24-hour rule
If someone attacks you, you can experience negative emotions. If the attacks occur in public, other people may also have unpleasant emotions. They may think, "Jane said about James, so he must be an idiot." Attacks can also be part of office politics or personal relationships.
The 24-hour rule works almost in any case. If you do not respond to the first attacks, it will disappear after 24 hours. But if you answered at least once, reset the timer. It will take another 24 hours to the aggression subsided in the web of human communication. Why some conflicts last for years. Participants reginout on attacking each other, and all this continues until one of the opponents will die. And according to the magazine the Onion, the mortality rate in the world is holding steady at 100%.4. The 30/30/30 rule
I had a few posts in which I used the same illustration found on the Internet: a woman does yoga on the beach. I was criticized because I always use pictures with sexual women. Also, I was criticized because I used these pictures without reference to the author.
Then I wrote the woman in the photos. I told her that I had received such comments. She told me her beautiful story, which was included in my latest book. But she also said this: for all that you create, a third will love you, one third hate it, and a third will be indifferent. This means that you need to do what you like, and attach this to maximum efforts. You need to improve every day. And when we get critical feedback, just put them in the cart with one third negative.5. To remove
I always happy when with me do not agree. I have nothing against it.
But often people are not able to Express their disagreement, and it manifests itself in nasty and vicious form.
If I can, I delete these people. You can write "remove" in quotes. Sometimes it's not a critic from the blog, and someone from real life. These people I also delete. I'm not talking to those who bring me harm.
And if it is a boss or someone with whom you are forced to talk? Then I am indifferent to them. I let them do what they want. I nod in greeting in the hallways. I don't nizkooktanovomu not whiny, trying to get them to love me. If these people would behave, I will again begin to communicate with them.
And if someone yells at you on the phone? Just say, "I need to go." I was hooked, especially when I was younger, and wanted to shout in response. "Why are you doing this to me?!" Such situations were very painful. But they taught me to behave differently in the future.6. Hatred is contagious
Someone once wrote on Twitter: "James Altucher = jerk" ("James Altucher = #humangarbage"). I don't know why there is such a tweet. I don't know who this man is. But at some point I got angry. I followed the previous advice.
I found this man on the Internet. He works at AOL. I tried to figure out how to fire him. He made 1 tweet and ran in my head 1000 thoughts.
The worst thing you can do with your body is to put a knife in him. Anger is an emotional knife-hand strike to the emotional body. In some religions they say that the enemies need to show compassion. I don't know. It's really hard.
The best I can do is to admit that I don't know this man, and that any additional thought is another way to injure himself with a knife. If I do this, the infection spreads inside of me, consumes me. I don't like to hurt himself with a knife.7. You never know
I could contact this guy and say, "I just need to know why you think I'm a jerk".
But imagine, what would you say in this case, on his deathbed. Never in the history of mankind no one said dying: "I'm really glad I found out why a stranger thinks I'm a jerk". Absolutely no need to know. And even if you eventually learn... it turns out that it wasn't worth it.8. Resistance is futile
let's Say someone has a reason to hate you, but it is easy to refute. For example, someone hates you for what you are from Rhode island but actually you are from Canada. You may say, "But I'm from Canada". And in response we get: "The worse".
No one ever changes their opinions. To change the view difficult. Quitting Smoking is very difficult, almost impossible for many. Hatred breeds more dependency, just imagine how it is difficult to change his mind. The facts mean nothing. Self-defense only worsens the situation (see rule 24 hours).
Even the story of friendship means nothing. You can say We've been friends for 20 years. Are you really gonna let that come between us?" The answer is "Yes". Because people can't help myself. Because sitting in them a fear. Because you have some sort of fear. And they will never converge.9. They look silly when I make love
Is all you need to know about your haters. If you remember this rule every time when faced with anger and aggression, you can forget about all the rest of the rules.10. Time heals
Hatred can't last forever. Often, it becomes a slow boil. The sun that day was so bright, at sunset turns into a purple haze and becomes dark orange. This does not mean that you and your haters are now friends. It simply means that an open wound will finally heal, will leave a small scar and a memory, but no more. No matter if you hate the traitor, former spouse, former lover or a commenter on a blog. It is important to learn to reduce the time.
Some have experienced hate, anger, bitterness and regret over the years. Sometimes a lifetime is not enough to heal the wounds. It's a waste of life. Of course, she also has the right to exist. No one is forcing you to live a life filled with meaning, can easily waste it. And because you will hate more and more people every time you poke your head out of the sand (and I hope you do), you will have many opportunities to ruin his life. Enjoy them.
Sometimes (but not always), the hatred of a people means that you step out of your comfort zone. You create and grow. But I hope that your wounds heal faster and faster. Actually, this post I wrote for myself. I hope that my wounds too, every day heal faster.
In response to the hate I try to use these techniques and learn more about yourself. If nothing new to learn does not work, I try not to cause yourself pain. If this fails, I'm trying to be grateful and move on to the next stage, where they will find love, creativity and satisfaction.published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©