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12 lessons I learned in 12 years of marriage
In 12 years of marriage my wife has seen a lot. We got married before I graduated from College. Soon my wife got pregnant. I graduated from College. There was a baby. Two miscarriages. Another four children. When the youngest was born, we had five children under the age of 8 years.
During these 12 years we have learned a lot. About themselves. About each other. About the importance of marriage. And on why he should fight.
After 12 years, we have learned 12 things about marriage:
1. The desire to share responsibilities equally — disappoint
For some time we considered marriage as a game. Competition. If I do it — you should do this. Meet me half way, do a little more here. If you do 20 things, and I'll do 20 things. This kind of game. But the real work is done when one of you is unable to reach the middle. The extra mile when necessary to pass another. Maybe that ratio is 90/10, if the spouse is ill or depressed. Don't look at marriage as numbers. So someone always loses.
2. Save a place for adventure in life
At the beginning of the novel with Brookie I tried. We have made long walks, dinner by candlelight, I worked a lot to win her over. When we came over the years and the commitments I gave to the fire between us die many times. The fight to ensure that the fire is not quenched, is not necessarily a trip to Paris. This may be an unexpected outing to a local hotel suddenly hired a babysitter for an evening or even a hand written note. Find your marriage an adventure.
3. First kiss each other
I'm not perfect at this, but I try to kiss Brooke immediately when you come home from work. Before I kiss his children. These small details really are essential. For me, being a great dad is important, but even more important to be a first-class husband. Otherwise, we will become neighbors at home who are bringing up children.
4. Aging are often the best description for love
It was easy to love Brooke when we were newlyweds. She was easy to love me when all was well. But it is much harder to fight for love, when you lose a child. Or suffer huge financial setbacks. Or confess a really ugly secret your. Tales good for the movies, but real life is often confusing, it is chaotic and messy. Be patient, when it becomes difficult.
5. Real life is made of little moments
The birth of a child, purchase of a dream home... Important events in the marriage a lot. However, most of the days routine. I blame the fact that I missed a lot of little moments, while working, in order to achieve large. I realized that life is in these small moments. Now I'm learning to love the journey as much as the destination.
6. Proximity and presence is not the same thing
Come home early, hire a babysitter to go with your wife on a date, and even a vacation — it's all cool stuff. But to be physically closer, it does not mean to be closer emotionally. For me emotional intimacy is, instead of constantly staring at your iPhone, look into the eyes of his wife, and instead of perusing instagram and reading Twitter — listen to her heart. When you have the opportunity to be together physically to be together emotionally.
7. Comparison kills your joy
In an era when people are constantly portrayed in the social network edited the facades of his life, it is easy to feel that your marriage sucks. As if you beat the Jones family. When I start to compare our Bank accounts, home, behavior of children and marriage with others — I'm a loser. It deprives me of joy. There will always be others who have bigger, better, more interesting. Do not play this game.
8. Each of you has the opportunity to quit
We all know the marriages that end in pain, and not holiday. Divorce is dancing on the 50 th wedding anniversary. Brookie we understand that there are days when it is much easier to give up than to keep fighting. But every day we continue to choose each other. We remain honest about where we are wrong. Because it's worth it.
9. Take the initiative into their own hands for the benefit of another
We often in our family discussed whether we are those who give or those who are inclined to take. Do we give and serve? Or just take and use? I am convinced that it is better to spend your life, when you serve for the benefit of another.
10. Live in the community
Marriage is a complex and hard thing, but nevertheless it is beautiful and worth it. When you live in isolation, there is always the temptation to give up. But when you're surrounded by family and friends who know about your strengths and your struggles, you feel the constant support.
11. Will you forgive me?
Let's face it: in marriage we are unfair to each other more often than are willing to admit it. We lie to, we forget about important dates, we get angry. A million other examples. Rather than transferring the blame or to shirk responsibility, ask "will You forgive me?" — then your marriage will be stronger. This question is much more than "Excuse me", leading to reconciliation.
12. Love wins
This list can be very long. I have not touched on such things as honesty, the need to carve out time for Dating and to emphasize the strengths of your partner. But all the lists in the world will not strengthen marriage as much as love does. In the end, love wins. She conquers all. It eliminates doubt. It helps to cope with fear. It pushes to do great things. Love wins.
Justin Ricklefs
Source: za-mugem.ru/blog/15.html#cut
During these 12 years we have learned a lot. About themselves. About each other. About the importance of marriage. And on why he should fight.
After 12 years, we have learned 12 things about marriage:
1. The desire to share responsibilities equally — disappoint
For some time we considered marriage as a game. Competition. If I do it — you should do this. Meet me half way, do a little more here. If you do 20 things, and I'll do 20 things. This kind of game. But the real work is done when one of you is unable to reach the middle. The extra mile when necessary to pass another. Maybe that ratio is 90/10, if the spouse is ill or depressed. Don't look at marriage as numbers. So someone always loses.
2. Save a place for adventure in life
At the beginning of the novel with Brookie I tried. We have made long walks, dinner by candlelight, I worked a lot to win her over. When we came over the years and the commitments I gave to the fire between us die many times. The fight to ensure that the fire is not quenched, is not necessarily a trip to Paris. This may be an unexpected outing to a local hotel suddenly hired a babysitter for an evening or even a hand written note. Find your marriage an adventure.
3. First kiss each other
I'm not perfect at this, but I try to kiss Brooke immediately when you come home from work. Before I kiss his children. These small details really are essential. For me, being a great dad is important, but even more important to be a first-class husband. Otherwise, we will become neighbors at home who are bringing up children.
4. Aging are often the best description for love
It was easy to love Brooke when we were newlyweds. She was easy to love me when all was well. But it is much harder to fight for love, when you lose a child. Or suffer huge financial setbacks. Or confess a really ugly secret your. Tales good for the movies, but real life is often confusing, it is chaotic and messy. Be patient, when it becomes difficult.
5. Real life is made of little moments
The birth of a child, purchase of a dream home... Important events in the marriage a lot. However, most of the days routine. I blame the fact that I missed a lot of little moments, while working, in order to achieve large. I realized that life is in these small moments. Now I'm learning to love the journey as much as the destination.
6. Proximity and presence is not the same thing
Come home early, hire a babysitter to go with your wife on a date, and even a vacation — it's all cool stuff. But to be physically closer, it does not mean to be closer emotionally. For me emotional intimacy is, instead of constantly staring at your iPhone, look into the eyes of his wife, and instead of perusing instagram and reading Twitter — listen to her heart. When you have the opportunity to be together physically to be together emotionally.
7. Comparison kills your joy
In an era when people are constantly portrayed in the social network edited the facades of his life, it is easy to feel that your marriage sucks. As if you beat the Jones family. When I start to compare our Bank accounts, home, behavior of children and marriage with others — I'm a loser. It deprives me of joy. There will always be others who have bigger, better, more interesting. Do not play this game.
8. Each of you has the opportunity to quit
We all know the marriages that end in pain, and not holiday. Divorce is dancing on the 50 th wedding anniversary. Brookie we understand that there are days when it is much easier to give up than to keep fighting. But every day we continue to choose each other. We remain honest about where we are wrong. Because it's worth it.
9. Take the initiative into their own hands for the benefit of another
We often in our family discussed whether we are those who give or those who are inclined to take. Do we give and serve? Or just take and use? I am convinced that it is better to spend your life, when you serve for the benefit of another.
10. Live in the community
Marriage is a complex and hard thing, but nevertheless it is beautiful and worth it. When you live in isolation, there is always the temptation to give up. But when you're surrounded by family and friends who know about your strengths and your struggles, you feel the constant support.
11. Will you forgive me?
Let's face it: in marriage we are unfair to each other more often than are willing to admit it. We lie to, we forget about important dates, we get angry. A million other examples. Rather than transferring the blame or to shirk responsibility, ask "will You forgive me?" — then your marriage will be stronger. This question is much more than "Excuse me", leading to reconciliation.
12. Love wins
This list can be very long. I have not touched on such things as honesty, the need to carve out time for Dating and to emphasize the strengths of your partner. But all the lists in the world will not strengthen marriage as much as love does. In the end, love wins. She conquers all. It eliminates doubt. It helps to cope with fear. It pushes to do great things. Love wins.
Justin Ricklefs
Source: za-mugem.ru/blog/15.html#cut
