The deficit of parental love. Invisible (or very visible) consequences in adult life
This that often goes unnoticed. The deficit of parental love – how to evaluate it there or not? When a child has few toys – all clear. It can be seen, the toys can be touched, to touch, to estimate their cost and quantity. Parental love, like feelings in General – is intangible, and only manifested in the form of some actions, words, taking many different forms.
The parent and his support is very important for a child at each age. Lack of in very young age the child forms a sense of mistrust to the world at large. A little over the lack of parental love and support turns into addiction, dependence, infantilism.
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A little older turns out to be a lack of faith in their forces and possibilities, sorry for anything and everything. In the Junior school age is fraught with complex of inferiority and apathy to learning and work. In adolescence, the lack of adequate parental love and support creates difficulties with self-determination, understanding yourself. In the end, the overall isolation of the child, the inner loneliness has roots in the lack of parental love.
When I talk about shortage. I mean it is a form of parental love. I have no doubt that the parent loves the child. But it is the form in which he expresses this love, may not be appropriate at a particular stage or not match any given situation. And then the child doesn't have the ability that love to receive and "absorb". For example, love in the form of shaming for the sake of raising a decent person or hyperopic in large quantities — is very poorly absorbed by children and creates a deficit rather than fills.
In order to fill emotional hunger and "relieve anxiety" the children find some objects (or their parents) as a "substitute" of parental love. Computer.games, social.network, overeating, Smoking, fantasies and more. This forms dependent behaviour. When the living is warm, but not parents (for whatever reason) the child chooses the inanimate, but it is available object.
Of how my parents love the child formed his own attitude. Boy or girl learns to relate to himself — to love or to dislike, often blame themselves, feel guilty, do not pay attention to their wants and needs, etc.
Child deprived of love, that is not the one who "build" or watch over, and he who has lost all hope for warmth from parents, student "according to the opposite." That is, he is so lonely and hurt that he himself does not admit, whatever may be "abandoned" again. It has a lot of mistrust and passivate and at the same time, the inner desire to be loved that in adulthood they can be a little picky in relationships.
"Ostavlenii" not receiving love in the right way the child can be angry, protest in various (often obscure the parent) forms, can feel strong, chronic depression that stretched in some cases for several years.
It is impossible to compensate for the shortage of love that's already happened. Then why not give once will not give now. You can certainly lose situation in my mind and imagine how you'd change then, or how good it would be... but nevertheless, assistance is possible only of the "present".
For example through the realization of the deficit which is and understanding how you now fill in (food, alcohol, workaholism, dependent relations, etc.). And what do you with those items about which I spoke in the beginning – what do you think about yourself, think about yourself what you've been missing. What you do not like it? What can change, and where the dead end and you need help.
By the way, about psychological help written a lot of books, but none of them will replace the adequate therapy in which you learn to understand yourself and accept yourself, as well as none of the toys can not replace the mother's or father's presence in a child's life. published