Michael Labkovsky: make sure the baby was dressed and fed is to care, not education

We publish the collection of statements of family psychologist with thirty years experience Mikhail Labkovsky. In his lectures Mikhail Alexandrovich talks about simple and major things that we often overlook, trying "to grow a child into a man."

1. Being unhappy, you will not be able to build a relationship with the child, so he was happy. And if the happy parents, and to do nothing.

Michael Labkovsky

2. Many believe that they, the parents, everything is fine, and problems only in their children. And wonder, when one family grow up two completely different babies: one confident, successful, excellent combat and political and the other a notorious loser, always whining or aggressive. But it means that children are differently felt in the family, and some of them not enough attention. Someone was more sensitive and needed more love, and the parents did not notice.

3. To ensure that the child was dressed, shod and fed is to care, not education. Unfortunately, many parents believe that caring is enough.

4. How do you communicate with the child in his childhood so he is going to treat you in your old age.

5. The school must teach not so much math and literature, how much of life itself. From the school it is important to get not just theoretical knowledge but practical skills: the ability to communicate, build relationships, be responsible for themselves — their words and deeds, to solve their problems, negotiate, manage their time... It is these skills that help to feel confident in their adult life and earn a living.

6. Excessive feelings of the child because of bad grades is just a mirror of the reaction of adults. If the parents react calmly to the pair or failure in sport, even some failures if the parents smile and say: "My good man, do not worry", then the child is calm and stable, definitely is aligned in the studies and finds where it all turns out.

7. If the elementary school your child is unable to cope with the program, if you have to sit with a child on the lessons — the problem is not the child, and in school. Harder does not mean better! The child mustn't overdo it, trying to catch up with the programme drawn up by the teachers. In the first class preparation homework should take from 15 to 45 minutes.

8. To punish children is possible and sometimes even necessary. But we need to clearly separate the child and his actions.

For example, you had agreed that you came from work he will do lessons, eat and clean up after themselves. And here you come home and see the scene: a pot of soup is untouched, the textbooks clearly did not open, on the carpet some papers lying around, and the babe is sitting nose in the tablet.

The main thing in that moment not to turn into fury, not to shout about the fact that "all children as children" and that of your child will grow up to be zero without sticks.
Without the slightest aggression come to the child. Smile, hug him and say, "I love you very much, but the tablet one week you're not gonna get it."
And yell, insult, offense and to talk — this is not necessary. The child has weaning gadgets.

9. Pocket money should be, the child has the age of six. Not large, but regularly issued the amount, which he manages himself. It is very important that money not become a tool for manipulation. Don't need to monitor what their child is spending and put the amount of tranches dependent on his academic achievement and behavior.

10. It is not necessary for children to live their lives, to decide what to do and what not to solve their problems for them, to push them their ambitions, expectations, instructions. You'll age, as they themselves live it?

11. All over the world to study at universities are only the smartest and the richest. The rest go to work, look for yourself and earn a higher education. And we have that?..

12. I am against the continued close monitoring. The child needs to be confident that the family he is loved, respected, considered him and trust him. In this case it does not contact with the "wrong crowd" and will avoid many temptations, to whom can not resist peers with a tense situation in the family.

13. When I was in school, the Day of knowledge, said that it is necessary to learn though, because for the work head to pay many times more than physical labor. And that learned, you will be able to work and earn money for what they love to do.

14. The mess in the boy's room fits its inner state. So outwardly expressed the chaos in his mental world. Well even if he cleans up... to Demand to "restore order" only if the baby stuff is spilling outside of his room.

15. To educate does not mean to explain how to live. It's not working. Children develop only by analogy. What is and what is not, how and how not to do the children understand not the words of the parents, and exclusively of their actions. Simply put, if the father says that drinking is bad and he does not dry out — there are many chances that the son will become an alcoholic. This is the most striking example, but more subtle things children catch and adopt not less sensitive.

16. Talking with children about life in General, and not about how we should live. If a parent can talk to the child only about the problems — he has a problem.

17. If a child tries to manipulate adults — he's just a neurosis. And we must look for its cause. Healthy people are not manipulated — they solve their problems, acting in a straight line.

18. In conversation with the child does not criticize him, do not touch the person, do not go beyond the analysis of his actions. Do not talk about it and about yourself. Not "you are bad", and "I think you did a bad thing". Use the wording: "I don't like when you...", "I don't like when you...", "I wish..."

19. The child should feel that parents are kind but strong people. So that they can protect him in some way to refuse, but always act in its interests and, most importantly, love him very much. published


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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Source: factroom.ru/life/michael-labkovsky


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