In the arms of Bluebeard: married to socialim

Have you ever met anyone without flaws? But he at first appears to be. Elegant, helpful, knows the etiquette and gladly listens to your wishes. Fast enough calling in marriage — the envy of friends whose Boyfriends pulled and pulled with that decision. Family life seems almost perfect, but there is something subtly strange. And you may think that you go crazy... Sitting on a powder keg.

The same thing could be in female version. She is cute and mysterious, she goes out of her way, your first novel is like a fairy tale, you finally met someone that understands you. But then you catch yourself thinking that you want to kill. Why? Where?

In such a situation was the hero of the film "Disappeared". And this is probably the worst movie I've ever watched. Scary movies? Yes nonsense! It is clear that the world is a little bit fancy. And in the case of socially-skilled psychopaths, the victim loses the most important thing: the right to reality testing.

In social networks there is a special group, in which the word "sociopath." There is humor specific, but still not devoid of common sense. But the real sociopath is krovojadnyi diagnosis, it cannot be cured by love, because the changes happened here and at the level of physiology, at the level of the psyche. And most importantly, have to change a sociopath's motivation that's how much: none.

Who are the sociopathsWhat kind of animals are these — sociopaths? Why are they so terrible?

I found the following metaphor. Remember George Orwell's "1984"? Room 101 is a terrible place where people are exposed to the most horrible torture, break them dramatically. And they lose their ability to empathize, to love and to feel empathy. They can't see anyone but themselves. They don't feel anything except their own terror. They have no love, no conscience, no external object. Since we are talking about psychiatric diagnosis, the internal world of the psychopath is the world is largely illusory, they are constantly "knocks" from reality, they simply can not stand.

The world is a sociopath reminiscent of the nightmare of the concentration camp where "or I'll bend this world, or this world gall me." In General, in fact, it's a prison. Many psychopaths subconsciously in prison and seek (remember bisesero Moriarty from "Sherlock"? And Sherlock... — approx. ed.).

The difference of education only affects how the article will be for them the most attractive. But they will all revolve around power and submission.

People caught in a web of socialized psychopaths, once you realize that they have to play the role, which has given them a spouse, and they or will obediently read, or they too will be dragged into room 101 to break down and be forced to be obedient. Sociopaths once they themselves become a victim of Big brother and try the same thing to do with all those deemed suitable for the role of partner. In the midst of a game called "I have a perfect life, Yes, and I'm normal."

You can fake an orgasm, even a delicious soup. And sociopaths feign a normal life. To trick the main tormentor in and say ha, but I have everything in order. However, in this game there is not an ounce of self-affirmation. We are talking about survival. These people have onlyone sense — i.e., toxic shame. A shame — it is a deep acceptance of themselves in the face of Big brother, still watching you.

And this contradiction between the internal aggression and need to be normal really scare themselves sociopaths and just in shame and expressed. After all, aggressive = bad. Because outwardly, they look too perfect, and the house creates an unbearable emotional background.

You too will feel the shame. Because your role is to give feedback that he's not crazy, and all around. To cure him from his own shame. He will consciously do things that you didn't abandon him. The subconscious will dictate completely different requirements, and unconsciously he will take you out.

So you didn't run away, you will be encouraged helplessness. You will forget to pay the rent, where to get food (they will themselves grow in the fridge). "Babe, it's not your problem!" Yes, you will be called baby, baby girl. And control-control-control. You suddenly find that you have a common account, they have access to your email, pin-codes cards. The husband knows what pads you use, how much sugar put in the tea. You almost have no secrets, and personal life.

And in response to such immense care, you must be able to withstand periodic terrifying rush of uncontrollable emotions and prove: "No, don't be ashamed, I love you and this love." You will have to forget about yourself and become a hostage forever. Or...

How to understand that you are in the company of a sociopath , Imagine that you were the only healthy society Blue Beards. Most of those that enchant cute innocent girls, and then when the poor things have the power to see men as they really are, kill them. Because he knew too much.

You do not beat and do not like being humiliated around you. But... you are depriving yourself.

It happens gradually. First, most likely, will start bad dreams. One woman told me that before the wedding of her nightmares, where it turns out that all this time my husband was holding a knife behind his back and now will kill it. Another described a fantasy where she is forced to read badly written book and admire her. The third was just surprised that in the presence of her husband constantly sleepy, like around dispelled the hypnotic gas.

However, often to understand that you're in trouble, it happens only in relationships. It can happen with everyone, and blame yourself for the carelessness is not necessary. Around too much guilt and shame. Have pity on yourself and pack your things. Out of these relations — is one more quest. Be sure that you are going to curse, try to destroy the morale and frazzle nerves in full, and in the intervals between the scandals and indignities you will have to appease and completely swept away the last remnants of personal boundaries and common sense. But liberation is worth it.

The out-of-relationship Friends will twist at a temple, and the former spouse is suddenly so suddenly transformed, that you really will think you have gone crazy. You will blame and shame from all sides, to push, to frame. Under the slogan "it's for the good of us all, you idiot!".

You will be very sorry for this man because he will show how he'd be lost without you. One wife of a sociopath told me that her husband literally filled up it with flowers and repeated the mantra: "I need You, I need you." In between colors, he forced her to sign documents renouncing share of community property and beat the dishes. Did not beat her, he should know better.

Really want to pity the unfortunate. But then or deteriorate the ball, or to spoil you.

Another issue that prevents good girls and boys come out of a relationship is the need always to wear white and the coat and forever in this, excuse me, white coat to remain. To get away from the alcoholic is not so difficult. From a stud — even more so. Drinks, beats, walks. But even here words really do not describe what is happening.

Will have to learn to be a bad girl and remember that out of a bad situation a good yield does not happen. To begin with, to call reality by its name. For example, that you are subjected to emotional or financial abuse.

Very often on leaving the relationship victim of a psychopath very upset as she could not see blue beard, clearly sticking around the bright face of a loved one. However, if your family attended the emotional violence, that it is impossible to do. Although such relations will cure you forever from the world of illusions and carefully landed. And that's good news.

Another good news — after breaking up with a sociopath, the world will sparkle with new colors. As in that joke about "now sell the goat". A lot of effort was spent on servicing foreign cockroaches. Even life in the communal apartment the cost of living will seem to be joyful just for the fact that no one else tries to engage you in the world of illusions.

You can see what you see. To hear what you hear. To feel what you feel.

Instead of an epilogue to See a sociopath can only be long-term communication, when you have become quite an important man, and he slowly began to assert you rights. He is afraid that you will bite, so quickly you want to get. Will offer you assistance, you may be obliged to do something for him in the future, may give a large sum in a loan or help to get a job. Of course, immediately offered to move in with him and get married.

Because the only advice — take your time. Refuse expensive gifts and see the reaction. Normal men can do, but they also normally experiencing a failure, though, and upset. And exactly, rather, take a step back. A sociopath, on the contrary, will make ten steps forward and begins to push. Remember, he knows how to behave like normal men, but is afraid to show his blue beard.

I like one cartoon. He's scary as a life with a sociopath. But, unlike the "Disappeared" — with a good ending. Called "Coraline in Country nightmares". The image of the "other", "good" mother is one that plays a sociopath. The girl, deprived in the childhood of the attention, love and support, it is hard to resist and not believe that here it is finally, the man who loves you and fully accepts.

But then it turns out that for the life of him have to sacrifice his eyes. Instead they sew very beautiful buttons. Because I always play very good partner impossible. As it is impossible to build a completely illusory world. And then will crawl out the inconsistencies, the lies, the pressure. And it really want to unsee, to return to the world where it was so beautiful.

But I beg of you. Even if you suddenly ended up in this sticky web, if you see the truth about Bluebeard, leave his eyes. They will help to understand where the truth and a lie.

Take care of your eyes! Stay away from 101 room.

Avatr: Lydia Sideleva


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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