Children - the need for the "number" of mothers

Today I would like to start a topic that concerns both parenting and understanding the origins of some of the problems we face in life. We will talk about the first year of a child’s life, the formation of basic trust in the world, the causes and consequences and the opportunities to change something.

Basic trust is the ability to perceive the world and yourself in it.. This trust consists of the relationship between matter (or the person replacing it) and the child, emotional responsiveness and the ability to care for the child and meet his basic needs (food and warmth).

Each child has its own need for the “number” of mother, and to understand how much a child needs, it is enough to be attentive to his behavior.. If the child during this period receives everything necessary for himself, then:

• He has the right to live fully in this world. I am in this world and the world is for me.
• He is not afraid of the new and unknown, because he has a feeling that no matter what happens, he always has support.
• Through his relationship with his mother, he learns to trust other people. For example, you can hear that my partner is jealous of me for nothing or vice versa, I do not trust people. When you start looking for a reason, it often boils down to the fact that the mother was unstable, often left the child alone or with other people (grandparents, acquaintances).
• in the future it is more resistant to various frustrations, easier to tolerate difficulties;
• It is more adaptive, that is, it will be easier to establish contacts, build relationships with people.

If you are a mother (or a person replacing her), it is advisable to observe with your child in the first year of life:

• feed during (I am an advocate of feeding on demand.) And even in the requirement it is possible to observe the regime)
• be more visible to the child. You may have noticed that children who sit and play are periodically distracted from the game and watch where their mother is. And they prefer to see the face of the mother and her approval, not the back of the mother, stuck in the computer or TV. If you do something around the house, carry the child with you, but so that he is safe (not near a hot stove with oil flying from there).
• More often take the child in your arms. In my opinion, the sling is a great gadget for a modern mom. But always watch the child’s reaction, perhaps he does not want to hand. My child began to ask for arms from four months. That sign was simply tilting your head back more than it normally does. If the child is sitting, do not distract him. He, like you, should have his time.
• be constant. Do not run from room to room, do not run out of the room where the child is. Do not leave your child with other people. Stick to a certain mode (swimming at 9 means always at 9, etc.)
• Be emotionally responsive.yo React to the emotions of the child accordingly: crying, picking up, pity; laugh, laugh together;
• Show your child the world and explore it together..

If you are an adult and you are periodically “covered” by the fear that your partner will leave you. If you are afraid to start something new, look for a new job when the old one is not satisfied, it is scary to do something new, learn from loved ones about your early childhood or, as M.E. Litvak says, start writing a biography.



You might understand a lot:

- That your partner is not your mother and he will not behave like this, will not leave you, will not leave you.. Unless you want to. But "for a happy" coincidence with suspicious things and it happens.

In fact, these "suspicious" unconsciously begin to behave so that their partner quit. And then, if we talk about the scripts, he collects coupons and confirms his script decision “don’t trust”. Leave your partner alone. Look for solutions to the problems within yourself.

- Seek resources to maintain. These can be stories of your kind, when someone somehow managed to solve a problem, start something new, etc. It may be your own experience when you have found a way to overcome difficulties. Which helped you then. This is getting support from the outside, the ability to ask for help (this is not a sign of weakness, but rather strength) and accepting this help.

Do not forget about the "stroking". Write them for yourself if you have no one to tell you, and repeat them every morning. But if you have a support group, depending on the rules of the group, you can get “motherly love” there.

Good luck! Love yourself! published



Author: Lilia Morozova

P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!

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Source: cross-club.ru/vospitanie/181-etot-opasnyy-mir.html