Kate Harding: I gave up dieting and accept your body Bashny.Net

Obese patients are often convinced that losing weight is a good way to combat depression, save a failing marriage, or increase the chances of a successful career. The dream of harmony as the solution to all problems.

The expectations placed on weight loss, to such a degree irrational, that adherence to the diet can be considered almost a superstitious behavior.

"We are moving from childhood to adolescence, leaving home, marrying, finding a new job, having kids, struggling with family problems, getting used to a new life, when our children leave the house, get old — all these life situations may become the hidden cause in order to go on a diet. There are cases when the anxiety about extra weight hiding more serious problems," Wooley and garner, a quote from the article "obesity Treatment: the high cost of false hope."

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When you truly believe that completeness can be taken (and not just going to think it sounds great for others, but you still hurt to lose to such a state, when you, too, will look acceptable), you may find it hard to remember my opinion on this. Just as it is hard to imagine what it's like to receive his fullness, before it really happens.

Several times I wrote about how long he lived in the phase of cognitive dissonance: on the one hand, I found logical that the hype around the "crisis of obesity" unreasonably exaggerated, and diets don't work. On the other hand, still wanted to throw off those extra pounds, lose weight to 50 size, and only then can I begin to accept its fullness. The fact that now I remember almost only at the level of mind and does not remember their experiences: how I feel when I simultaneously believe in two contradictory statements.

But suddenly I thought about the internal protest, which occurs when someone says that diets don't work. It is a protest full of people, which means: "don't you dare deprive me of hope!»

Those who oppose diets, are often accused of complete demoralization, cruelty and pessimism. I could never understand these accusations: we're trying to convey, that you can love your full body instead of hating it, and that you can take concrete steps to significantly improve health, declaring war on weight.

In my opinion, this promise is enough compassion and optimism, not to mention the fact that he is realistic. But there are always people who interpretiruya my thoughts as "I, Kate Harding, himself condemns you to a life complete! Don't even try it fatty. You're doomed! Muahaha!»

And then I thought about how I felt before I really made peace with the body. And that's what it is: a Dream of Harmony a red thread passed through all my life, even when I lost a lot of weight and still remained the same depressed, unfocused and nervous as before (but then again I got fat, because as you know diets don't work). Then the realization that I am now skinny, just not fit in my head because the Dream of Harmony was much more familiar and intuitive. I put on this dream for many years, and lean, there were only a couple of years. The reality didn't stand a chance.

We talked a lot about what the fullness must not interfere with doing what you want to do, but thought it need to lose weight. To wear a bathing suit and go water skiing. To apply for that fabulous job, which is barely enough for your skill level. To invite an attractive guy on a date. To enroll in a gym. Wearing a luxurious dress. All that you've been putting off for "someday." Do it, damn it! After all, this is your life, it is happening right now as we talk.

Unfortunately, such admonitions do not take into account the magical power of dreams of harmony. Understand the Dream of Harmony is not just desire to lose weight as to look "more acceptable". This will become a completely different person, more bold, confident, and successful than the old "thick version». It's not just "When I lose weight I'll look good in a swimsuit" is "When I lose weight, I will be that person who is one who wanders the beach, forcing the men to cry".And:

• When I lose weight, it will be easy to find a partner to revive the relationship with her husband.
  
  
• When I lose weight, I have a job that I always dreamed of.
  
  
• When I lose weight, I'll stop moping.
  
  
• When I lose weight, I will be brave traveler and stop being afraid of countries, whose language you do not know and/or which may not be sewer.
  
  
• When I lose weight, I'll be spending a lot of time outside the home.
  
  
• When I lose weight, I become more sociable and charming, and then I have a bunch of friends.
  
  

 

And so on and so forth. These are examples of my Dreams are about Harmony, but I'm sure you have your.

In this light it is much easier to understand why some lose their composure, when they say: Oh, you have zero chance to lose weight permanently, so you better do your mood and start to enjoy life as it is thick. For a person who is fully immersed in the Dream of Harmony, it means not just "All the evidence suggests that you'll be full for the rest of my life, but there is nothing terrible, but You will never become who you want! Everyone says that you'll never find love, you're not promoted, you will have new friends, you'll never be confident and open!»

If you hear this, when I say, "Diets don't work", then Yes, I understand it's a complete disaster.

The abandonment of the Dream of Harmony is perhaps the most difficult step on the path to adoption of completeness. Maybe that's why my brain blocked out memories of this stage: it was too heavy. Because I had not just come to terms with the circumference of the hips — I had to accept myself for who I am, ceasing to expect that I will magically turn into the person that it represents.

Of course, this is a normal stage of growing up. Begin to understand that this is the end; of course, continue to try new things, live a rich life, but a base context has already been formed. Have the skills, experience, material components, which almost certainly will remain available to you. Point. But this does not mean that you need to give up and stop dreaming, just (as in the parable about the creation of the statue of David) it is necessary to cut off all of what you are not. However, for the complete person it can be especially difficult, because from every angle sweeps that inside of the full man "live lean, which is waiting to get out" and this thin is so much cooler.

In reality, I will never become a person it would be great to live in a tent somewhere in Tibet, because to me, please, the hotel in London with all the amenities.

Most likely, I will never learn normally stand on a water ski (on a normal ski can't even stand up) and do a somersault backward. Sometimes I can be sociable and charming, but I always need time to "recharge" with my dogs and a good book; my life will not be full of social events, it would make me exhausted.

(And although I have learned to hide it in unfamiliar situations I'm always terribly embarrassed.) For all my life, I can learn to speak fluently in one foreign language, but certainly not five.

I will never publish a novel until you write it. I always have to keep in mind my natural inclination to depression and possibly to take medications. My attitude to money will never allow me to give up city life to buy a farm and raise sheep or to change your job and go river rafting as a guide. My chances of marrying George Clooney just negligible.

And all this not for completeness, but because I'm me.

When I lived with the Dream of Harmony, it seemed to me that if I lose weight, it's small and simple (ha!) fact released a brand new personality — a delightful, free, strong spirit, for which "in life you have to try everything", which will attract interesting people and events. This hope, of course, is the reverse side:

I used it as an excuse for inaction. After all, if all it will do is not "real I", then why bother trying? If I still could find a suitable husband, while not lose weight, what to Dating? If I can't write a novel until you lose weight, why write? If I don't become soul of the company, yet do not lose weight, why make new friends? If I don't want to go to the mountains, yet do not lose weight, why travel?

And so on and so forth.

To receive the fulness was not the most difficult. The hardest thing was to accept his personality and all the limitations that had no relationship to the circumference of the hips. However, oddly enough, as soon as I was able to do it, my life became a million times better. I met the right man, began practicing yoga, she decided to treat writing a novel, quit making excuses for the fact that resting in the US and Canada, and not in some more exotic locations, etc. and suddenly (about a miracle!) life has become much more interesting. "Thin I", which was hiding inside, got out, just turns out she's actually full. She is quite attractive, sociable, without prejudice, with vivid imagination, while she likes the quiet life in the familiar surroundings and the opportunity to be alone.

I never expected I would be, I was.

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I gave up dieting and accept your body. And that meant not just accept that I'll never lose weight — it meant to accept that I'll never be a million different personalities, which could be. (Say, this phenomenon is called «maturity».) I'm definitely not going to stop in their aspirations, but I'm all for what you need to understand and forgive. There is a big difference between "I can't be another" and "I don't have to become another". Most likely, you will not be able to lose weight forever if you did not initially lean, but otherwise can do whatever they want. Theoretically, you can become anyone.

The question is, who exactly do you want to become and what you are going to do. The dream of Harmony is a convenient excuse for not asking these questions for real, and that is its danger. It not only gives you to be who you are, but will not allow you to become the person I could be, if it started to work with what you have. But the person who hides inside, it may be much cooler for you today.

He's just not skinny. published 

Author: Keith Harding (Kate Harding)

Translation: Marina Nestrugina

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: intueat.ru/journal/mechta-o-strojnosti/