Jeff foster, author of "Life without center" ("Life Without a Centre") and many others, had studied astrophysics at Cambridge University. In his mid-twenties, after a long period of depression and illness, he seriously gave the idea of "spiritual enlightenment".
But the spiritual search collapsed with understanding the nondual nature of things and the opening of the extraordinary in the ordinary. Jeff saw life for what it always was: intimate, open, spontaneous and full of love.
Currently, Jeff holds meetings, retreats and individual consultations around the world, gently but firmly guiding people to a deep acceptance and presence in the present moment. Below we present his article "a New dawn: end codependency".
You can't save anybody.
You can be present with them, can offer them his grounded, his sanity, his peace. You even can share your path, to offer them his vision.But you can't take away their pain. You can't go their way instead.
You can't give them the correct answers, or answers that they are able to assimilate right now. They will have to find your own answers, ask your own questions, make friends with their own insecurities. They have to make their own mistakes, to feel their own sadness, to learn their own lessons. If they really want to be alone, they have to trust the healing road, which becomes clear as you progress. You can't heal them. You can't dispel their fear, their anger, their feeling of helplessness. You can't save them... You can't fix. If you push too hard, they can stray from their own unique way. Your path may not their way.
You don't "create" their pain. You may have done or not done something, said or not said something, and thus "hooked" on the pain that was already inside of them. But you don't "create" it, and you are not to blame, even if they claim otherwise. Yes, you can take responsibility for their "words and deeds". You can regret the past, but you can't erase or change what happened, you can't control the future. All you can do is "be" with them in the here and now, in your only place of power.You are not responsible for their happiness, and they are not responsible for yours.Your happiness cannot come from outside.
If so, it is a dependent, fragile happiness, which soon will turn to sadness. Then, you will absorb the "network" of the charges and guilt, regret and "persecution". Your happiness is interconnected with your presence, your connection with your breath, body, ground. Your happiness is not small, and it is impossible to "remove" fear, anger, and even the strongest of shame. Your happiness is not a state, not a transitory experience, not the experience, not the feeling you can give others.
Your happiness is boundless, omnipresent, unrestricted space of the heart where joy and sadness, bliss and angst, confidence and doubt, loneliness and "connectedness," even fear and a strong desire can succeed each other like rainy and Sunny weather, which is "present" in the vastness of the heavenly expanse.
You can't save anybody. You can't be saved if you seek salvation.
No "to" whom to save, whom to lose and whom to protect, whom to do perfect or perfectly happy. Let go of any impossible ideal. You are beautiful in your imperfection, outrageous perfect in their doubt, love, even in his inability to love.
All these pieces of you — granted, they are all part of the whole, and you were never less than the whole.You breathe, you know you're alive.
You have a right to be, to exist, to feel what they feel, think what I think. You have a right to your joy, and the right to your grief. And the right to have your doubts too. You have the right to go their own way. The right to be right and wrong, the right to giant this the happiness you knew when you were little. You breathe, and you inseparable from the life force that enlivens all that knows itself as all beings, reveals itself in every moment of this incredibly wonderful, amazing being.Your "I" is not tied to what others think about you.
It is associated with the moon with the vast outer space with comets, glittering in unknown directions, with "forgetting" in time and with love of loneliness... And with this unspeakable gratitude before each new dawn, emergency, data...posted
Author: Jeff Foster
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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