DEVELOPMENT occurs from the point of rest

Adults who strongly develop child, similar to Carlson, who planted the seed. He his digging to watch: not sprouted?

In fact, children grow, learn and develop, not because we pull them behind the ears, but simply because they are children. In them it is laid. In order that the child wanted to know everything, don't need a special technique, it just has to be interesting and scary.

Scary is when all is well with the parents. When they love, when they are there when you them. If the child is alone, rejected, if he is afraid of parental anger and frustration, he can not develop. All the forces of the psyche is spent on coping with anxiety about attachment. As psychologists say, affect inhibits the intellect. The limbic system in revolt, and does not normally work the upper (cortical) brain. What kind of cognitive activity.

But if the child is calm for his relationship with his parents, he immediately turns his back on them and face to the world, and sent him to explore.


An experiment was carried out. A mother with a child of preschool age were invited to the office, full of all sorts of educational games and generally interesting and obscure things. Then the experimenter apologized, saying that he had just a moment to move away and offered to feel in the office from home, said that we "see yet, what do we have here". And left. But not far, and for wall it was a special mirror, one side mirror-like, on the other – translucent, it is often used for psychological experiments.

Through the window-mirror he watched how busy a mom with a child. The main types of behaviour were four:


1. Mother sternly shushed the child to "sit still, do not touch anything" and they both still waited for the return specialist. If the child tried to take something, his mother pulls.


2. Mom took out from the bag magazine and immersed himself in the reading, the child was not paying attention. He gradually smeleya, started to take, consider, twist, etc.


3. The excited mother told the child: "Look, what a good game!" And began to show the child and explain how to play them.


4. Mother, ignoring the child, with excitement enough that one game, then another and tried to understand it and why. The child itself, too, all were considered.

Then the psychologist came back in the room and walked with the help of special methods of testing the level of cognitive activity in the child. Before reading further, try to guess the children which group was the best results?

The highest rates were in children inquisitive mom of 4 groups. Everything worked on knowledge: the mom next door, she investigates, the child is included imitation, he relaxed and fun, and the process is in full swing.

Then came the children of mothers of the 2 groups. They do not set an example, but his presence and peace of mind provided security, and nature took its course.

And much worst results were those of children, who are all banned, and those who presided.

If the child lives in an emotionally and spiritually rich, interesting, intriguing environment, if the parents are all wondering if they have intelligent and interesting friends with whom they communicate with children if they have an interesting and favorite work, which they tell at home, they don't have anything hard in child develop. Adherence and a natural need to learn will do the job – all by itself will develop beautifully, does not hold.

The only thing important is that the baby was not afraid in the relationship with you and the world in General. Cognitive activity does not tolerate severe and prolonged stress. If the baby is very sick, scared, lonely, no new knowledge.

Everyone probably had to watch: here's the child the whole – embodied cognitive activity. He observes the caterpillar, a Sparrow, a cat. But from time to time looking at the mother on the bench. And suddenly mother is gone! I moved somewhere else! All instantly cognitive activity is minimized, and while the mother is not there, and not calm, the child is not to the caterpillars.

Now, imagine that mom is not a very long time. Or even at all. What will happen to curiosity? It is familiar to foster parents, which is very difficult to rehabilitate in this respect children, long stayed in the big house. But please children this happens, for example, if a family conflicts, parents scandal, someone in the family suffering from alcoholism or just has a heavy, quick temper, if the child is constantly afraid of judgment, rejection, or afraid that will not justify expectations, the parents will be disappointed, upset, sick, etc.

I really like the wording of Gordon Neufeld: "Development happens from the point of rest". The way it is. Moreover, both in children and adults. So we, the people, arranged: as soon as our basic needs are met as soon as we relaxed and well, we immediately become impatient something new to see or do.

It turns out that lots of things need to the child was developing well and his cognitive activity bloomed. Need love of parents, a good atmosphere in the home, safety, trust. So as not pulled, was not forbidden and that is not supervised all the time. But that is not in cotton wool and kept in the child's life of surprise, adventure and moderate stress. And all this, of course requires a lot of work, though not in the sense in which I think the parents, from morning to night engaged in "development" of the child. published

Author: Lyudmila Petranovskaya, from the book "the secret base: attachment in a child's life"


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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