So, this happened. He changed. Everything was suddenly and ridiculously predictable.
The sudden privacy in the bathroom with the phone, delays "at work", the lowered eyes and some stupid claims, a new, inexplicable, interests, fanatical care.
If that was it — you know, made the decision and put the wretch out — you may not even read this article, you don't need it.
But if after everything you still decided to stay together and start again, you will be useful to know what psychological traps most often gets the woman after the betrayal of a loved one. And how to avoid them. The cycle of guilt.
Because at first all was well, right? And then something went wrong, and hand on heart, you can list a lot of situations when were far from ideal. They were careless, insufficiently accurate, broke, tantrums, refused sex, waved to his requests etc... Now these memories swarm circling in the head, cover with a nasty sense of guilt. Maybe you even spoke to him about it, or writing repentance letters.
Don't, stop! A good relationship destroying two, but the final goal was scored by yet he.
You can review your behavior, it's even commendable, but no guilt, because the next step for him is surrender and try to fix yourself to please him. You'll be Intrusive ad nauseam, helpful, like servants, will begin to curry favor, sickly smile, try my best, and he... he will not appreciate this and will simply impudent. Thousands of women have passed this way — it leads nowhere, don't go on it!
Leave everything as it is and silently correct their mistakes. And even better, discuss with them his and your flaws clearly and without emotion. And let it be known that you only change together with it, a step you step he. The trap of idealizing the partner.
His betrayal was shocking for you, and the fear of loss, of course, immediately wiped from memory a large part of the offense, once caused you. Now you don't understand, how could not appreciate, and even some time ago to think of divorce with such a treasure as him. You iterate through in memory the best moments of your life and pouring bitter tears. The most sensitive, the most tender, the most attentive... Stop!
Purely for the sake of justice, sit down with a Notepad and write all those stories, after which you cried. Ask your mother, girlfriend, close friends, it really it ideal?
Think about it, if he's so great, how come he changed? And didn't he recently acted so that you are at a loss, how can you do? In other words, give me thoughts on it ideal away! You've decided that love him and are willing to give him a chance — that's enough. Switch to other thoughts, read a book. Idealization of his mistress.
Of course, she's no better than you. And even worse, once shamelessly encroached on someone else's nest! But the fallen-esteem and ruthless, "but he still chose her over me", does not allow you to see the real weaknesses of the opponent. Of course... she has a beautiful athletic body, healthy face, long hair and she's probably a firecracker in bed. Yes, prestigious work, brilliant formation and rides it, probably, not less than “Lexus”, certainly... look at what you good opinion about your blessed! This is necessary what Princess loved him!
Ka you start with, talk about it with a couple of faithful friends. Let them do the search work in social networks and get out of God all of these “Lexus” and “American diploma”.
Let ruthlessly dismantle the opponent to pieces, not forgetting his too-thick thighs, plebeian origin and two failed marriages behind him. And you listen and enjoy, and quietly consoled himself razvival image "one that you better." And if you will not be able in any moment to let go of yourself and enjoy, so it definitely wasn't about her, and you. Real women should be like this poisonous snake subsistence.
Often to produce it is not necessary, but then — at the time! And then allow yourself a little vanity. Call on the talk longtime fan. I mean, you're probably one of these things? Ask him to tell you about you, about your strengths and best qualities. Bathe in the compliments, accept the invitation to the cinema or to a restaurant. Slowly gather a list of your strengths and the pain of comparison, if not immediately, but it will go away. Trap of underestimating yourself.
The reverse side of the idealization of the mistress, when every thing is silent reproach. Look at the situation soberly. Every day, every woman is faced with the fact that someone is better than her: younger, slimmer, freer, more professional...
But for someone we are better, isn't it?
The fact that you changed doesn't make it suddenly worse than others. For most of the comparative points, you're still someone, I'm sure, still jealous of you and admires you. So, inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale. Nothing really has changed. But if you noticed the flaws, it is a great opportunity to escape from the sad thoughts and start to change something. Enrolled in the study, go to the gym, update your wardrobe, you dye your hair, refresh your Spanish... yeah, it's trite, but nothing better no one has come up with! Don't let the comparative analysis to influence your life and the results. On the contrary, use it to become even better.Trap of unbelief in the motive
Admit it, you're constantly asking yourself the question, why did he stay with you? And the reason that this love, is this the list of versions the last. At such moments, we think about anything, but not about love. A pity about the benefits that he, after so many years of marriage, just convenient to stay with you. Are you suggesting that maybe the other woman just did not want to be with him. Unfortunately, it may be true! But it may not be. Most likely, his choice was all the motifs and somewhere among them still have a sneaking love for you.
Because quite without love changed a man with the same woman remains. And now you need to choose which motif to put on a horse at the races. You pretend to be sick and to put pressure on the pity — will regret till I drop, but eventually he'll get bored. Will strengthen the material side of marriage — he thinks you're smart and practical person who is much willing to turn a blind eye in order not to lose anything, and will continue his flirtations with others, will only become more careful.
Will start to break and constantly remind him about the mistress that supposedly didn't want you... she might snap and try to prove you wrong. What remains? Just increase the love! Try to Wake up his senses, become such that he again admired you. Let after some time his "cover", the kind of woman he could lose!
Unfortunately, the infidelity never leaves us without damage. Having survived the betrayal of a loved one we'll never be as trusting and carefree as ever is the fact.But still, remember, from infidelity, from the disease can be treated. And the correct behavior and thoughts is one of the means to get back to myself.
Author: Elena Shubina
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©