How many among us wanders those "good girls"!And when "good girls" grow up to become a "good mom."
They are trying to match some images and examples, and feeling great guilt, if that does not work.
I look after sometimes, and mom has time to cook new and interesting dishes, and a table to serve beautiful, and she's got the kids eating broccoli, spinach, and never get dirty, and the house perfect order, and her husband loaded with presents of flowers and jewelry, and she looks like a model, and even business from her. In the evenings she makes allowances for classes tomorrow and during the day and reads, and works with children, and in sections of their carries, and children-then it is 2-3-4-5, and the babysitter there, and you have one!
Only one, butlook at this picture and then at yourself and realize that you to this skill as the moon.
Are your children eating cereals, pasta, some sausage and even soup — refuse. Run you after them, as that is the mother-monkey from the movie, the messy, wild look and without any personal life. To care for themselves time and effort there. My husband last able for a moment to chat on the phone three days ago. What flowers do not remember.
How can you not become sad from their own imperfections! But was expecting a baby and dreamed that this will happen — and the benefits are already some made, the crib picked the best, and the planned active life. And form wanted to bring themselves quickly, and thought to start her own small business.
But the baby was born and everything turned out differently, so many different things in these instagram! And recovery after childbirth, and pain during breastfeeding, and the baby's cries from colic and the sleepless nights (always hope that you they just pass side), and constantly tired, even when combing forces there, and stubbornly standing in place of a weight with a constant desire to eat anything else.And slowly begins to grow complex "I'm a bad mother".
Bad because they don't do everything that I could, not so good, not so interesting, somehow not. The husband abandoned the house a mess, the child is not like the glossy pictures, and the body after birth are not happy. There is always something that could be done better.
Of course, you this will definitely help. You are sure at least once from strangers or loved ones will hear something like:
- What kind of mother!
- Is it possible with a child?
- You're doing it wrong!
- You are the child I thought?
- You're his ruin!
- All future child will break!
- What is it not doing?
- Why is he still doesn't walk and talk?
- You're a mother!
At least you will read it in their looks. Grandmother on the bench will discuss that the child is uncomfortable if you carry it in a sling. And I will add, they say, look where the guardianship, had children, and torment. Loved ones have your standard of education of children, and not the fact that you're cut, someone believes that to feed every three hours and from three months to give juice, some against a joint dream and taming of the hands, someone will actively insist that it's time to kindergarten.
Friend will share the achievements of the children, they say, as you in a year haven't you read poetry? And here's my! And in the pot he went with birth, and jars with cauliflower ate a sweet soul and a bun already memorized it, and almost immediately after giving birth, sat down and went...A complex of bad mother took possession of all women.
Alone experiencing it by watching others and listening to such stories and replicas. The other under his own begin to brag about the achievements of the children, so that no one thought that they, too, are "bad mom".
And over time fear of becoming poor in any other area in the far extended position. And leads by a wide margin fear of becoming a horrible mother to cause the child injury, do not give him what is necessary, not to cope with the assigned mission. He then will walk the psychologists and tell everyone how terrible his childhood was. The school counselor one day you will cause to yourself and say, well, how so that you child whole life broke!
That the baby grows up and instead of "thank you, mom!" say, "I don't want you to see and know!". Recently here added, and fear that the child can select any guardianship, which will decide what you with their responsibilities cope poorly.
Moms are very vulnerable.
Especially the young, freshly baked. Especially those who first encountered it. They love their children and are afraid to make a mistake. In many places they are so vulnerable, as if they have no skin, not that armor. But they want support, especially from the relatives, a positive assessment of everything they do every day, a little TLC and approving smiles.And the world is ruthless to us, trying to convince every mother that she must be perfect, no less.
And perfect in the way, as invented by someone and once. Our world best mom, staying in a neurosis on the subject of its goodness. Feel guilty they will be put out regular shopping for kids and not only.
They will be ready to pay for the best kindergartens and schools, sections and classes with a psychologist, even to the detriment of themselves. Her dress has a new not buy, but the child will be sent to the best school with the most expensive pack. They will be hard to lose weight and seize your stress with chocolate from despair. They are always ready to prove something to everyone, and the world is really profitable.
But the truth is, almost any mother who is raising a child (no matter if she has given birth it myself, whether natural childbirth, nursed if she breast, and so on) and loves it as he can, is already good enough.
Yes, maybe there is a skill she should master, there are places where she should plan her life and to overcome any laziness, and there are certainly many opportunities to become better. Including organizing your life. But it is already good, today, right now. The best for your baby, even without the broccoli and serving, even without learning lessons on different systems and piles of toys and clothes.
Such as it is, with its wrinkles, bags under the eyes after a sleepless night, extra pounds.For the baby she always is the most beautiful, the best.
He looks at his mom with his deep eyes and sees the most important thing — her loving heart. A loving heart may not be good enough and wrong.We all have difficult days and difficult moments, breakdowns, fatigue, apathy, laziness.
Even those who you see on social networks, there are a lot of situations, they never tell you and show everyone. Believe me, such situations are not less, and the difficulties they, too, – enough. Life is colorful, and challenging days come and days joyful.
Sucking fingers, bite his nails. The reasoning of the therapistHow to increase the self-esteem of the child. The Exercises "Sun"
So I want to tell you again just one thing — you are already a good mom.
Because really terrible mothers do not ask myself such questions do not suffer and are not tormented.You are the best mom for your children, because that's what you the Lord of these kids and gave, and your kids chose you to be born.
You are the best mom because you are one and only for their children, and always will be.
I just want to ask you, please take care of yourself more often and ointensive! And remember that you are not only mothers, but also women, every one of you beautiful and unique. But the good mother is one that is happy.
Author: Olga Valyaeva
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©