Bashny.Net
These terrible two!
Bashny.Net
The first crisis occurring in the way children's development is a crisis, known in popular literature as the crisis of 3 years.
In the American editions of this crisis is called more exact — "the terrible two".
Attentive parents notice that this crisis takes approximately 18-24 months, and in the psychological literature is called the crisis of reunification.
The meaning of this name we understand a little later. This crisis is not simpler and not easier than a well-known teenage crisis, and deserves special attention.
Mother of the child of this age, this period can be very difficult.
Here she is faced with the frequent whims of the child, inconsistent requirements and desires, his aggression, stubbornness, outbursts.
All of this women often respond with irritation, tearing, resort to unjustified punishment.
To understand the pressures of reunification, we just need to consider the characteristics of the previous period, which lasts, roughly speaking, from the end of the first year to eighteen months, which is called the phase of practicing.
It is so named, because the child begins to walk, exercising in different types of physical activity, knows the world, and is practiced in the development of different types of activities.
Kid that age is adorable.
He's drunk its capabilities and grandeur (he thinks he can, and he is subject to all!) and fascinated by the beautiful and fascinating world opens up for him.
Now, having the ability to walk on two limbs, more to see, more to hear, more to touch!
Often the baby entertains himself, being in constant awe of his discoveries, his eyes shining, face glowing smile. Most children in this period there is power lifting.
They are immune to drops and shocks – fast rise and continue his research.
Getting help from the mother, the child is not aware of it as coming from outside, feeling like he's all by himself.
At this stage, on the one hand, mothers need to be alert at all timesto protect the child from possible dangers; but, on the other hand, she gets some relief.
The child's need for mother is somewhat reduced due to the fact that he begins to have more interest in inanimate objects and the environment.
Often he is passionate about his studies, for a long time forgets about his mother (though the baby periodically need to come back to her to confirm her availability, recharge from her touch). Often children are able to recharge from a single sound of mother's voice or her gaze.
For such a child the mother is such a "home base charging", but it is still not regarded as a separate independent individual.
Mothers are not inclined to hold baby in merging with them to meet their own needs, feel some relief – "finally, the kid has become independent", and mom has a bit of freedom and time for himself.
Suddenly something happens- funny, happy and (as it sometimes seems) are almost "independent" toddler suddenly again becomes clingy, needy for constant availability of the mother, but still Moody, aggressive, stubborn.
This means the beginning of the next phase – the "new convergence" or "the crisis of reunification" with her mother. This name reflects the fact that available on the previous phase of relative indifference to the presence of his mother, is replaced by a constant concern about her whereabouts, and active references.
The reasons for the reunion (the new approach) of the child with his mother:
First, at the age of 18-24 months a child wanting to be Autonomous and separate (wanting "to leave" mother), and being able to do this, projecting their desires on the mother. (Projects — i.e., it ascribes that comes from it.) Then in his mind the mother perceived that which may desire to leave him and the baby increased anxiety because of the absence of her mother.
Second, as we have said, in the previous phase kid hasn't felt the mother as a separate person.
As awareness of the baby of their separateness, and the mother becomes a separate person from him; and then he has a strong desire to share with her mother every new discovery and experience. She is not being a "single entity" with a child, doesn't magically know about all his discoveries.
Thirdly, the former a sense of his omnipotence ("I can do everything, and everything is subject to me") characteristic of the previous phase, painful crashes. The child is aware that it is often helpless before the world, and all also needs a mother.
In this difficult period the mother often gets irritated. It confused – the kid exhibits increasing independence, and on the other hand, expects the participation of the mother in every case. Mother is difficult to accept the insistence of the child in its constant presence, after she had felt a certain autonomy and their own — let a little freedom.
What happens?
On the one hand, the child is striving for independence, and, on the other hand, feels helpless to cope with the world; feels the old desire to mother could guess his desires and to anticipate them.
Sometimes the baby is trying to use the mother as a continuation of I, and pulls her hand to any subject, by trying her as a tool to get it; or expect that the mother sent a single magical gesture, perform flashed the child a wish.
When he is confronted with his helplessness and separateness of the mother (who does not want to be it I and fulfill all his desires), he gets a flash of rage, anger.
But neither he nor the mother is no longer able to function as one.
The child painfully through battle and conflict begins to realize that his parents are independent people with their personal interests; and the mother even realizing his need, sometimes not in a hurry to meet her.
The child has protest and rebellion that he is not able to get the whole world to revolve around him! He should gradually give up the illusion of his greatness.
Generally, the child of this period is often aggressive, is negativity, and it can be difficult. The causes are also many. Emerging and developing autonomy of the child protected them by using a permanent "no" — this is due to his negativism.
Often the child is stubborn. Feeling their own separateness, and nastava on his independence, he may refuse to comply with the requirements of the mother. Sometimes you can observe how the child refuses to sit down or get out of the stroller, testing a mother's patience; or, in protest, takes a swing and tries to run away in the other direction (although glances – will mother him).
In addition, anger and resentment appear if the desired thing is not available, and the kid is faced with its limitations. He realizes that he really can't get the vase, and untie the knot, to get to this chest. And most importantly, the disappointment in life comes from knowing that help does not come magically, after he felt a need for it or even announced it.
Recognizing the body as his own, the child opposed the actions that produced them, during which he must passively – dressing, diaper changes... he Also markedly resists being hugged or kissed when it is not ready. Often the protest react to it boys.
For a period of time when the child's own desires and wanting, its want and don't want to have potty training that often leads to conflicts. The child, feeling the body as belonging to him, opposed to control and functions are often not willing to give at the request of the mother that considers your (intestinal contents).
Or, on the contrary, in spite of the mother writes, anywhere, carefully watching her reaction.
It is important to remember that potty training should not turn into a "battle of the potty".
The child, feeling the violence and pressure may develop for life traits such as stubbornness, greed, negativity. Better to follow your child, praising him for "good luck", but not insisting on obedience. Maybe mommy will not be able to brag to your friends in the yard that "you" in the forefront without the diapers, but you will save the healthy development of the child's mind.
In this difficult period of the little man experiences feelings of sadness and anger over the loss of the feeling of merging with the mother; the frustration in the mother (not all-powerful, blunt and having the "audacity" to have their desires!); feelings of helplessness and impotent rage from awareness of its limitations.
He is painfully aware of its vulnerability (because even the mother is not always able to restore his sense of well-being); and loneliness — because the interests of the mother are different from his own. These experiences come into conflict with a sense of grandiosity and omnipotence of the practicing period, when the child felt "master of the world".
The mistakes of parents and ways of harmonic interaction with the child:
During the crisis of reunification of the mother it is not easy to withstand the demands of the child on its constant availability, and contradictions of his desires. In women, this behavior often causes tantrums. The kid asks his mother, then pushes her in her attempts to help; he wants intimacy with his mother, but only after receiving, immediately rejects her. Also temper tantrums, stubbornness and negativism test the patience of a mother.
Often women experiencing impotence, and tearing, have resorted to the first slipcam and punishment.
Sometimes mothers, exhausted monotonous baby care, with no time for yourself, it is difficult to remind yourself that this child's behavior there is a deliberate desire "to bring" adult, specially done out of spite.
Negativism and stubbornness of the child is primitive, but so far the only way to prove that he has his own opinion that he is a person that needs not only care, but also recognition of the autonomy, the right to their point of view.
Child it is important that the adult kept its aggression without resorting to punishment (as revenge, or demonstration of its power); it is important to make the kid feel that he does not destroy his aggression parents, they are able to withstand the storm and stay together, without depriving the child of his love.
It often happens that the mother, tired from constant contact with the child, begins to deny his involvement, emotional support. But the fact is that the less available in this period mother, the more persistently and desperately trying to get her attention.
If a child spends a lot of energy trying to keep track of where the mother and get her attention, then mental strength is not enough on knowledge of the world, the development of cognitive processes, and other mental functions.
It is important that the mother was predictable for the baby.
It happens that the mother ignores the child's need for it; and at other times (feeling guilty for their lack of attention, and trying to compensate for it) rushes to the baby for any reason, even when it copes with difficulties by myself. Predictable emotional availability of the mother contributes to the development of the child's processes of thinking, reducing anxiety and achieve further autonomy. Mother, it is important to respond to cases of child joyful participation, encouraging, and encouraging to further discoveries.
Other mothers can be difficult to cope with the child's need for independence; to accept the fact that it is now impossible to consider a part of themselves; and it is impossible to support the merger, which may compensate for dissatisfaction women in other aspects of life.
These moms become "shadows" of their children, and give them the necessary experience of self-reliance. It is important to recognize that the child is a separate, independent individual with the right to autonomy, their desires and needs.
In the end you can add a few simple truths:
Stubborn children's behavior is often provoked by the stubbornness of adultswho lack flexibility, and they basically insist on his own, only due to the fact that "as necessary".
Excessive authoritarianism suppresses adult or child, or provokes a stronger rebellion.
It is important not to concentrate attention on the stubbornness, not to remind once again about his "bad behavior." Put yourself in the place of the child, to see the world through his eyes.
To limit the actual word "no." To abandon the confrontation of "who-whom".
To give the child the right to choose. Not to provoke the child to the negativity by asking questions that require the answer "Yes"to"No". This response can be avoided in advance of offering the child a choice: "You will milk from this Cup or from a mug?" "We go to the Park or the Playground?".published
See also:
3 reasons for which I apologize to the baby when I am wrong
10 ways to properly motivate the child
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: vk.com/detypsy?w=wall-19864279_4278
In the American editions of this crisis is called more exact — "the terrible two".
Attentive parents notice that this crisis takes approximately 18-24 months, and in the psychological literature is called the crisis of reunification.
The meaning of this name we understand a little later. This crisis is not simpler and not easier than a well-known teenage crisis, and deserves special attention.
Mother of the child of this age, this period can be very difficult.
Here she is faced with the frequent whims of the child, inconsistent requirements and desires, his aggression, stubbornness, outbursts.
All of this women often respond with irritation, tearing, resort to unjustified punishment.
To understand the pressures of reunification, we just need to consider the characteristics of the previous period, which lasts, roughly speaking, from the end of the first year to eighteen months, which is called the phase of practicing.
It is so named, because the child begins to walk, exercising in different types of physical activity, knows the world, and is practiced in the development of different types of activities.
Kid that age is adorable.
He's drunk its capabilities and grandeur (he thinks he can, and he is subject to all!) and fascinated by the beautiful and fascinating world opens up for him.
Now, having the ability to walk on two limbs, more to see, more to hear, more to touch!
Often the baby entertains himself, being in constant awe of his discoveries, his eyes shining, face glowing smile. Most children in this period there is power lifting.
They are immune to drops and shocks – fast rise and continue his research.
Getting help from the mother, the child is not aware of it as coming from outside, feeling like he's all by himself.
At this stage, on the one hand, mothers need to be alert at all timesto protect the child from possible dangers; but, on the other hand, she gets some relief.
The child's need for mother is somewhat reduced due to the fact that he begins to have more interest in inanimate objects and the environment.
Often he is passionate about his studies, for a long time forgets about his mother (though the baby periodically need to come back to her to confirm her availability, recharge from her touch). Often children are able to recharge from a single sound of mother's voice or her gaze.
For such a child the mother is such a "home base charging", but it is still not regarded as a separate independent individual.
Mothers are not inclined to hold baby in merging with them to meet their own needs, feel some relief – "finally, the kid has become independent", and mom has a bit of freedom and time for himself.
Suddenly something happens- funny, happy and (as it sometimes seems) are almost "independent" toddler suddenly again becomes clingy, needy for constant availability of the mother, but still Moody, aggressive, stubborn.
This means the beginning of the next phase – the "new convergence" or "the crisis of reunification" with her mother. This name reflects the fact that available on the previous phase of relative indifference to the presence of his mother, is replaced by a constant concern about her whereabouts, and active references.
The reasons for the reunion (the new approach) of the child with his mother:
First, at the age of 18-24 months a child wanting to be Autonomous and separate (wanting "to leave" mother), and being able to do this, projecting their desires on the mother. (Projects — i.e., it ascribes that comes from it.) Then in his mind the mother perceived that which may desire to leave him and the baby increased anxiety because of the absence of her mother.
Second, as we have said, in the previous phase kid hasn't felt the mother as a separate person.
As awareness of the baby of their separateness, and the mother becomes a separate person from him; and then he has a strong desire to share with her mother every new discovery and experience. She is not being a "single entity" with a child, doesn't magically know about all his discoveries.
Thirdly, the former a sense of his omnipotence ("I can do everything, and everything is subject to me") characteristic of the previous phase, painful crashes. The child is aware that it is often helpless before the world, and all also needs a mother.
In this difficult period the mother often gets irritated. It confused – the kid exhibits increasing independence, and on the other hand, expects the participation of the mother in every case. Mother is difficult to accept the insistence of the child in its constant presence, after she had felt a certain autonomy and their own — let a little freedom.
What happens?
On the one hand, the child is striving for independence, and, on the other hand, feels helpless to cope with the world; feels the old desire to mother could guess his desires and to anticipate them.
Sometimes the baby is trying to use the mother as a continuation of I, and pulls her hand to any subject, by trying her as a tool to get it; or expect that the mother sent a single magical gesture, perform flashed the child a wish.
When he is confronted with his helplessness and separateness of the mother (who does not want to be it I and fulfill all his desires), he gets a flash of rage, anger.
But neither he nor the mother is no longer able to function as one.
The child painfully through battle and conflict begins to realize that his parents are independent people with their personal interests; and the mother even realizing his need, sometimes not in a hurry to meet her.
The child has protest and rebellion that he is not able to get the whole world to revolve around him! He should gradually give up the illusion of his greatness.
Generally, the child of this period is often aggressive, is negativity, and it can be difficult. The causes are also many. Emerging and developing autonomy of the child protected them by using a permanent "no" — this is due to his negativism.
Often the child is stubborn. Feeling their own separateness, and nastava on his independence, he may refuse to comply with the requirements of the mother. Sometimes you can observe how the child refuses to sit down or get out of the stroller, testing a mother's patience; or, in protest, takes a swing and tries to run away in the other direction (although glances – will mother him).
In addition, anger and resentment appear if the desired thing is not available, and the kid is faced with its limitations. He realizes that he really can't get the vase, and untie the knot, to get to this chest. And most importantly, the disappointment in life comes from knowing that help does not come magically, after he felt a need for it or even announced it.
Recognizing the body as his own, the child opposed the actions that produced them, during which he must passively – dressing, diaper changes... he Also markedly resists being hugged or kissed when it is not ready. Often the protest react to it boys.
For a period of time when the child's own desires and wanting, its want and don't want to have potty training that often leads to conflicts. The child, feeling the body as belonging to him, opposed to control and functions are often not willing to give at the request of the mother that considers your (intestinal contents).
Or, on the contrary, in spite of the mother writes, anywhere, carefully watching her reaction.
It is important to remember that potty training should not turn into a "battle of the potty".
The child, feeling the violence and pressure may develop for life traits such as stubbornness, greed, negativity. Better to follow your child, praising him for "good luck", but not insisting on obedience. Maybe mommy will not be able to brag to your friends in the yard that "you" in the forefront without the diapers, but you will save the healthy development of the child's mind.
In this difficult period of the little man experiences feelings of sadness and anger over the loss of the feeling of merging with the mother; the frustration in the mother (not all-powerful, blunt and having the "audacity" to have their desires!); feelings of helplessness and impotent rage from awareness of its limitations.
He is painfully aware of its vulnerability (because even the mother is not always able to restore his sense of well-being); and loneliness — because the interests of the mother are different from his own. These experiences come into conflict with a sense of grandiosity and omnipotence of the practicing period, when the child felt "master of the world".
The mistakes of parents and ways of harmonic interaction with the child:
During the crisis of reunification of the mother it is not easy to withstand the demands of the child on its constant availability, and contradictions of his desires. In women, this behavior often causes tantrums. The kid asks his mother, then pushes her in her attempts to help; he wants intimacy with his mother, but only after receiving, immediately rejects her. Also temper tantrums, stubbornness and negativism test the patience of a mother.
Often women experiencing impotence, and tearing, have resorted to the first slipcam and punishment.
Sometimes mothers, exhausted monotonous baby care, with no time for yourself, it is difficult to remind yourself that this child's behavior there is a deliberate desire "to bring" adult, specially done out of spite.
Negativism and stubbornness of the child is primitive, but so far the only way to prove that he has his own opinion that he is a person that needs not only care, but also recognition of the autonomy, the right to their point of view.
Child it is important that the adult kept its aggression without resorting to punishment (as revenge, or demonstration of its power); it is important to make the kid feel that he does not destroy his aggression parents, they are able to withstand the storm and stay together, without depriving the child of his love.
It often happens that the mother, tired from constant contact with the child, begins to deny his involvement, emotional support. But the fact is that the less available in this period mother, the more persistently and desperately trying to get her attention.
If a child spends a lot of energy trying to keep track of where the mother and get her attention, then mental strength is not enough on knowledge of the world, the development of cognitive processes, and other mental functions.
It is important that the mother was predictable for the baby.
It happens that the mother ignores the child's need for it; and at other times (feeling guilty for their lack of attention, and trying to compensate for it) rushes to the baby for any reason, even when it copes with difficulties by myself. Predictable emotional availability of the mother contributes to the development of the child's processes of thinking, reducing anxiety and achieve further autonomy. Mother, it is important to respond to cases of child joyful participation, encouraging, and encouraging to further discoveries.
Other mothers can be difficult to cope with the child's need for independence; to accept the fact that it is now impossible to consider a part of themselves; and it is impossible to support the merger, which may compensate for dissatisfaction women in other aspects of life.
These moms become "shadows" of their children, and give them the necessary experience of self-reliance. It is important to recognize that the child is a separate, independent individual with the right to autonomy, their desires and needs.
In the end you can add a few simple truths:
Stubborn children's behavior is often provoked by the stubbornness of adultswho lack flexibility, and they basically insist on his own, only due to the fact that "as necessary".
Excessive authoritarianism suppresses adult or child, or provokes a stronger rebellion.
It is important not to concentrate attention on the stubbornness, not to remind once again about his "bad behavior." Put yourself in the place of the child, to see the world through his eyes.
To limit the actual word "no." To abandon the confrontation of "who-whom".
To give the child the right to choose. Not to provoke the child to the negativity by asking questions that require the answer "Yes"to"No". This response can be avoided in advance of offering the child a choice: "You will milk from this Cup or from a mug?" "We go to the Park or the Playground?".published
See also:
3 reasons for which I apologize to the baby when I am wrong
10 ways to properly motivate the child
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: vk.com/detypsy?w=wall-19864279_4278
Tags
See also
The diet of children under one year
Don'ts PARENTS
Before yelling at their children...
There is only one accurate recipe for education – no need to hit children on the head
What parents with teenagers who want nothing
Baby tantrums: WHAT to DO
