You asked me to write you a letter about tenderness. If you please. I'll try it. I'm certainly not going to wring hands and lament "Oh if only I could, although used in part...". No. I write how I think and what I can. The most important thing is to write simply. And honestly. And everything else will follow... I think so.
So. About tenderness. Tenderness consists of two parts. Of words and gestures. First, about the word.
When people die, after they remain words. Words of anger, words of love, words of envy, words of wisdom. Generally we have no idea how many entities we have in the form of words. Words can kill, words can be resurrected. Even the God we have is only some text. So God is also the word. Yes, in fact, the Bible itself begins with the words "In the beginning was the word...".
When people break up, they also in a sense, die for each other. And also then there remain only words. Only words. Nothing more. And often people then the rest of my life remember the other person is only this: as the words he once said. And suffer remembering that it is not answered and why things went wrong, there was a misunderstanding and so things fell apart... That is all it was words, words, words...
Words of anger, words of love, words of envy, words of wisdom... But of all the billions of words there is one little category of words that never, under any circumstances can't hurt. They can bring only joy and happiness. They have no meaning, they carry no implication that they have no power. This is a weak word. Rather the interjections, the sound mix, some phonetic clouds... It's not a word-nails. It's not the words-gunpowder. It's not a word-bricks.
These words are words of endearment. They can safely say all you want without fear of being misunderstood. They accurately and will always gladly heard. You can't overdo it. But! Note: they say extremely rare. People are embarrassed to say them. And only after lengthy efforts, in the struggle with themselves, they finally squeezed, "honey" or "sweetie"...
And it would seem, what could be simpler? Tell everyone you meet words of tenderness and all will smile, everyone will have a good mood. But no! In the words of tenderness there's some kind of magic. They get stuck in the throat, if they are addressed to the wrong person.
Sometimes even aspire to, let's say, women, and everything moving in the right direction, and she's kind of already here-here will agree... There's nothing to tell her words of endearment. Well, simply: "my dear" or "honey". And all of it will fall to you, a bird in a snare, a mouse in a trap and so forth... You open your mouth ... and close it: nothing. They did not come out, those damn words of endearment.
And sometimes – on the contrary. You can't stop it. They flow from you like a waterfall you enjoy saying them, you want to invent new, everything is softer and more tender still... And you caress her ear these words. And the more you say it, the more she wants to hear them. And there comes a time when you do stop to talk, but only chirping like birds to each other words of endearment. Empty, meaningless sounds...
And among the words of tenderness there is a very intimate word. This so-called "our words". All people are "our words" — different. When people love each other they come up with these "our words". And when love dies, the dying, and "our words". In other love will be other "our words", and these will never be.
And if a person takes some "our word" and transfers him to another love, then he understands that he is committing an enormity. "Our words" — a very fragile thing. If they speak not together – they are creepy, saccharine vulgarity. And when only to each other – that is the best word of affection, have in the world.
Remember, Hemingway in "a farewell to arms" Catherine, before he died, asked Frederica not to say "our words" to other women? This is important, Marilyn. It is very important not to speak to others of our words". I hope you understand that...
With gestures – all the way around. Gestures people (especially men) are scattered right and left. Men are ready to embrace, and women to embrace, and those and others – they are easily as drink or breathe. A significant portion of people are easy to agree to sex. And a Pat on the head, hugged, pinch or even in the same spirit, – these gestures of tenderness no one even pays any attention.
And here I finally come to the conclusion. What is tenderness? A real tenderness? So, the tenderness of Marilyn is when you say words of endearment and even the best "our words" and also make gestures of tenderness. And one to whom it is addressed – does the same thing.
That is the tenderness. Sometimes it is also called happiness.
That's all. Your Arthur Miller.
About the cosmic law of gratitudeThank life for all that bothers you
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©