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Signs of Invasion of Your Personal Space
Each of us has an individual space filled with our own needs and desires, in which our own laws and rules apply. This space is protected by psychological boundaries that protect the interests of the individual and perform diplomatic functions.
The boundaries of personality can be represented as a set of special receptors with which we check whether what comes to us from the outside corresponds to our needs and desires. On the basis of a personal opinion, we either accept it or reject it.
We are comfortable in our personal territory, and we carefully protect our sovereignty. We decide what to dream about and what to plan, with whom to share our thoughts, and who not to devote to our affairs, which values to focus on and what to abandon.
We are very sensitive to any encroachment on our personal field, and we try to restore the boundaries whenever someone tries to push them away at will.
In no case are the boundaries of a person like a fence built once and for all or a suit worn of a certain shape and size. They are invisible and elastic, they can expand or shrink in certain places, depending on the environment in which the person is and in what conditions.
They can be partially clarified by observing the person, or verbally: “Is it OK if we switch to ‘you’?”, “You suddenly fell silent.” “Can I use your books in your absence?”
The answers to these questions will tell us how far we are allowed to step in terms of personal space. Of course, it is impossible to get a complete picture of the psychological boundaries of personality, and it is not necessary. It should be specified on the "section" where the contact occurs. What your personal boundaries are being attacked or trampled upon is always determined at the level of feelings and emotions.
If you are embarrassed or ashamed, annoyed or hurt, if you are annoyed or angry with words and actions addressed to you, then there is an invasion of your space.
Borders can be violated explicitly and rudely when a person is forbidden something, uses without permission his personal property, get advice on how to live. These aggressive messages and actions always cause a sharp resistance of the individual. But even more widespread veiled attempts to manage in a foreign space.
What hidden ways of violating personal boundaries are used by those who are prone to encroaching on foreign territories? There are many such methods, but you can try to group them:
The number and variety of options through which this or that way of breaking psychological boundaries manifests itself is surprising and saddening.
So, the imposed care can be expressed in unnecessary gifts - "I decided that you need a kitten / dog / dacha", "I bought you a ticket for a lecture course ...", "Take my bag on the road, it is more convenient." The desire to expand someone else’s experience is also an imposed care and intervention in personal space: “I want to teach you how to use a full set of cutlery, because today we will have important guests”, “write down how to get there”, “it’s time for you to learn a foreign language, so ...”.
As soon as the caregiver refuses to take such care and protests, the caregiver is offended or angry, and, most importantly, wonders how one can not appreciate such a sincere desire to help.
There is a special “moral concern” that comes from people with a low sense of tact: “I am an honest and truthful person, so I will tell everything as it is”, “I will tell you directly”, “No one will tell you the whole truth if not me”. As a rule, after such a “caring” phrase there are statements that are hurtful and painful for the addressee.
Even less aware of their aggressive activity, those who try to substitute someone's point of view their own.Parents, guided by a noble desire to mitigate circumstances, seek to reassure their children: “It seemed to you. I think it was very different," "you're too sensitive, you don't have to pay attention to it at all," or "I'm twice your age and I know you better..."
Among adults no less willing to "dissolve" someone else's opinion: “Something you who are in the woods, who for wood ... All right, I'll speak for everyone," "Honey, it's strange that you should think of it. It is obvious that it is quite different ..., You are tired, you just think.
This way of violating personal boundaries is also insidious because it prevents them from forming. It is difficult for a person to understand where his true feelings are caused by some fictional events and facts.
Why is the next method of "retention of identity" also an encroachment on foreign territory?
Judge for yourself whether the boundaries of the personality are violated by the following comments: “What a mess you are, like a rag!”, “And I think this is an idiotic laugh”, “this joke is designed for a primitive sense of humor”, “decent people do not behave like this”, “what infantile!”. In these examples, there is a desire to retain emotional manifestations of the personality and control human behavior.
Personality retention also occurs in situations where: “We’ll talk later, now it’s not up to you,” “Do you hear yourself?”, “What kind of delusional plans...”, “Who is interested in such an idea?..” Quite a different kind, but again, retention is implied in the lines based on the accusation: “Your words made my head hurt,” “When you behave like this, I am ready to fall through the ground.”Hearing such comments, a person begins to limit himself in expressing his opinion, in emotional manifestations, often withdraws into himself.
Let us now turn to examples of the denial of personality and its achievements.
You know the expression, "Well, what's your proposal?" Come here, there will be time – I’ll see”, “I’d be in your place ...”, “Should I take my time with such nonsense?!”, “You should write it in a completely different way”, “To me, an achievement...”? A person to whom such remarks are addressed experiences a whole range of feelings, ranging from discouragement to resentment or anger. In addition, he understands that neither he nor his works represent values for the speaker.
Depreciation can also be more severe. Many wives admit that their husbands tell them, “Why are you looking for this job?” You still don't make normal money. It would be better to stay at home. There's this layer of depreciation here! The value of the individual as a professional in his or her field, the value of the wife’s contribution to the family budget are denied, and domestic work is devalued (“would sit...”). No wonder women are outraged and protest similar claims. Not only are the personal boundaries of the wife affected in many ways, so the husbands are still trying to narrow them as much as possible and completely control them.
As far as ignoring the individual, Such border violations are especially destructive in the “site” of self-esteem and the need for communication. One arrogant look - and a person can feel pinched and constrained.
Ignorance of desires and neglect of interests are often observed in families: "Your football will wait, you need to make music," "Everyone in our family was a doctor, are you going to break our tradition?" “What mountains are there when everyone goes to the sea?”
In many of the examples considered, the person who violates other people’s personal boundaries either believes that he knows better “how to do” and shows a kind of care, or wonders what is so illegal contained in his behavior.
A person whose interests have been neglected feels hurt and depressed. Violation of personal boundaries inevitably leads to discomfort. “Recognition” of the causes of a spoiled mood, depressed state, irritation will provide an opportunity to find ways to ease unpleasant experiences or completely overcome them.
Self-reliance
Learn to negotiate with the subconscious
But it is even more valuable that, focusing on possible insidious encroachments, you can as a prevention to provide your answers, reactions and actions to tactless or openly hostile attacks. And another accent. No matter how white and furry we think of ourselves, it is important to realize that on our part there are attacks on someone else’s personal space.
It is good if this has so far happened solely due to lack of awareness or misunderstanding. Knowing what veiled attacks on the psychological boundaries of a person are significantly increases the chances of correct interaction. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: psy-practice.com/publications/lichnye-otnosheniya/zavualirovannye-vtorzheniya-v-psikhologicheskie-granitsy-lichnosti/
The boundaries of personality can be represented as a set of special receptors with which we check whether what comes to us from the outside corresponds to our needs and desires. On the basis of a personal opinion, we either accept it or reject it.
We are comfortable in our personal territory, and we carefully protect our sovereignty. We decide what to dream about and what to plan, with whom to share our thoughts, and who not to devote to our affairs, which values to focus on and what to abandon.
We are very sensitive to any encroachment on our personal field, and we try to restore the boundaries whenever someone tries to push them away at will.
In no case are the boundaries of a person like a fence built once and for all or a suit worn of a certain shape and size. They are invisible and elastic, they can expand or shrink in certain places, depending on the environment in which the person is and in what conditions.
They can be partially clarified by observing the person, or verbally: “Is it OK if we switch to ‘you’?”, “You suddenly fell silent.” “Can I use your books in your absence?”
The answers to these questions will tell us how far we are allowed to step in terms of personal space. Of course, it is impossible to get a complete picture of the psychological boundaries of personality, and it is not necessary. It should be specified on the "section" where the contact occurs. What your personal boundaries are being attacked or trampled upon is always determined at the level of feelings and emotions.
If you are embarrassed or ashamed, annoyed or hurt, if you are annoyed or angry with words and actions addressed to you, then there is an invasion of your space.
Borders can be violated explicitly and rudely when a person is forbidden something, uses without permission his personal property, get advice on how to live. These aggressive messages and actions always cause a sharp resistance of the individual. But even more widespread veiled attempts to manage in a foreign space.
What hidden ways of violating personal boundaries are used by those who are prone to encroaching on foreign territories? There are many such methods, but you can try to group them:
- Invasion of personal space under the guise of care;
- "dissolution" of the point of view of the individual in his own;
- Restraining the personality from natural self-manifestation through emotions, thoughts, desires, goals, etc.
- negation of the value of another person or the results of his work;
- Ignoring the individual and neglecting his desires and interests.
The number and variety of options through which this or that way of breaking psychological boundaries manifests itself is surprising and saddening.
So, the imposed care can be expressed in unnecessary gifts - "I decided that you need a kitten / dog / dacha", "I bought you a ticket for a lecture course ...", "Take my bag on the road, it is more convenient." The desire to expand someone else’s experience is also an imposed care and intervention in personal space: “I want to teach you how to use a full set of cutlery, because today we will have important guests”, “write down how to get there”, “it’s time for you to learn a foreign language, so ...”.
As soon as the caregiver refuses to take such care and protests, the caregiver is offended or angry, and, most importantly, wonders how one can not appreciate such a sincere desire to help.
There is a special “moral concern” that comes from people with a low sense of tact: “I am an honest and truthful person, so I will tell everything as it is”, “I will tell you directly”, “No one will tell you the whole truth if not me”. As a rule, after such a “caring” phrase there are statements that are hurtful and painful for the addressee.
Even less aware of their aggressive activity, those who try to substitute someone's point of view their own.Parents, guided by a noble desire to mitigate circumstances, seek to reassure their children: “It seemed to you. I think it was very different," "you're too sensitive, you don't have to pay attention to it at all," or "I'm twice your age and I know you better..."
Among adults no less willing to "dissolve" someone else's opinion: “Something you who are in the woods, who for wood ... All right, I'll speak for everyone," "Honey, it's strange that you should think of it. It is obvious that it is quite different ..., You are tired, you just think.
This way of violating personal boundaries is also insidious because it prevents them from forming. It is difficult for a person to understand where his true feelings are caused by some fictional events and facts.
Why is the next method of "retention of identity" also an encroachment on foreign territory?
Judge for yourself whether the boundaries of the personality are violated by the following comments: “What a mess you are, like a rag!”, “And I think this is an idiotic laugh”, “this joke is designed for a primitive sense of humor”, “decent people do not behave like this”, “what infantile!”. In these examples, there is a desire to retain emotional manifestations of the personality and control human behavior.
Personality retention also occurs in situations where: “We’ll talk later, now it’s not up to you,” “Do you hear yourself?”, “What kind of delusional plans...”, “Who is interested in such an idea?..” Quite a different kind, but again, retention is implied in the lines based on the accusation: “Your words made my head hurt,” “When you behave like this, I am ready to fall through the ground.”Hearing such comments, a person begins to limit himself in expressing his opinion, in emotional manifestations, often withdraws into himself.
Let us now turn to examples of the denial of personality and its achievements.
You know the expression, "Well, what's your proposal?" Come here, there will be time – I’ll see”, “I’d be in your place ...”, “Should I take my time with such nonsense?!”, “You should write it in a completely different way”, “To me, an achievement...”? A person to whom such remarks are addressed experiences a whole range of feelings, ranging from discouragement to resentment or anger. In addition, he understands that neither he nor his works represent values for the speaker.
Depreciation can also be more severe. Many wives admit that their husbands tell them, “Why are you looking for this job?” You still don't make normal money. It would be better to stay at home. There's this layer of depreciation here! The value of the individual as a professional in his or her field, the value of the wife’s contribution to the family budget are denied, and domestic work is devalued (“would sit...”). No wonder women are outraged and protest similar claims. Not only are the personal boundaries of the wife affected in many ways, so the husbands are still trying to narrow them as much as possible and completely control them.
As far as ignoring the individual, Such border violations are especially destructive in the “site” of self-esteem and the need for communication. One arrogant look - and a person can feel pinched and constrained.
Ignorance of desires and neglect of interests are often observed in families: "Your football will wait, you need to make music," "Everyone in our family was a doctor, are you going to break our tradition?" “What mountains are there when everyone goes to the sea?”
In many of the examples considered, the person who violates other people’s personal boundaries either believes that he knows better “how to do” and shows a kind of care, or wonders what is so illegal contained in his behavior.
A person whose interests have been neglected feels hurt and depressed. Violation of personal boundaries inevitably leads to discomfort. “Recognition” of the causes of a spoiled mood, depressed state, irritation will provide an opportunity to find ways to ease unpleasant experiences or completely overcome them.
Self-reliance
Learn to negotiate with the subconscious
But it is even more valuable that, focusing on possible insidious encroachments, you can as a prevention to provide your answers, reactions and actions to tactless or openly hostile attacks. And another accent. No matter how white and furry we think of ourselves, it is important to realize that on our part there are attacks on someone else’s personal space.
It is good if this has so far happened solely due to lack of awareness or misunderstanding. Knowing what veiled attacks on the psychological boundaries of a person are significantly increases the chances of correct interaction. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: psy-practice.com/publications/lichnye-otnosheniya/zavualirovannye-vtorzheniya-v-psikhologicheskie-granitsy-lichnosti/
