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Such destructive criticism ...
If you are a mom or dad, you certainly have experience in evaluation of their child. Scolded you or praise it - all the same estimate, that is, take out their opinions and as an authoritative judgment. Why parents are so often criticized and children what to do?
Such destructive criticism ...
Parents brought Paul to the consultation, when he was in second grade. It is full, even flabby boy. With first-class classmates his name-calling "mattress". Mother lovingly looking at her son and said: "That has led our elephant. He became a closed, I began to learn worse. The teacher recommended to see a psychologist. »
Paul, when my mother called it "elephant" cringed and blushed. Mom this, however, is not noticed. I asked whether she often calls it so. "So what? I did it with love! We are all full of violence. I believe that a good man should be a lot! - Mom laughs and then sighs. - Yes, and I can not deny him sweets, he's so sad after school. "
Left alone, Pasha said that in a class of his teasing, he experiences, the parents stopped complaining because they did not feel a sense of importance and repeat the same thing: "Yes, spit on them, all this nonsense." Houses too little support, mom only gives the sweetness of consolation, and self-confidence is not gaining.
At the second meeting comes dad, who immediately dismissive: "We have been raising my mother." And while Pasha speaks so much as it is important Pope, chatting with them! And father and son got the job: to find sports that they like, and start to engage together
. Dad even breathed happily: "I'm like a different sport, just a son, like, it's interesting, it's so we deadhead." Son of these words again hunched his shoulders ... It turns a double beep from the parents on the one hand, they are unhappy with the look as a son, and on the other hand, does not help to change this
. After a few months of swimming and football guy he blossomed, moved up in class no longer call him, made friends. Mom only began to complain that no longer feel needed. But this is a question that needs to be her mother decide not to flip dissatisfaction with his life for the child.
Criticism salvation
"And what if he does not do anything himself, all the time has to be customized, to criticize, compare with others, I began to learn, help around the house?" So, when will starts this criticism?
A child is born, causing a general joy and love begins to grow, and that something is often sick. In the minds of mom and dad thought: "Do good parents because children often get sick." And there is a feeling of irritation on the baby: "It is not the same as I would like ...»
At school, the child's successes begin to assess not only the closest people, but society - classmates, teachers. How to learn how to build relationships with other children, how it behaves in the classroom? This is a very sensitive period for the formation of self-esteem in a child's life, as he believes infinitely first teacher, sometimes even longer now than parents. The opinion of the teacher is more important.
"And to me that is? Nothing in fact not catch! "-" But the criticism helps? "-" For some time - sigh mother - and then it all comes back again. Well, at least for a time, to frighten. " And it turns out that a person grows up, which that he was doing something, you need to criticize or frighten. Perspective to become responsible adults and good professional small.
How to be?
Such destructive criticism ... Pay attention to the points that you irritate the child. Often they are associated with similar traits in yourself or in close relatives.
When you want to have to say hurtful words in the child's address, try to count to 10, take a break, think about how you can about what you do not like to bring in another. So that the child really heard, but did not close the insult, waiting for a chance to respond in the same way a parent hitting a painful point.
An example of the message changes: not "you - lazy, do not sit down to do their homework," and "let's agree about time: 5 minutes later you sit down to do their homework, go for a walk in an hour." Of course, there is no ready-made "magic" phrase, dialogue - is a volatile process, and for every occasion - his words and his style of conversation with the child.
Remember that the best way to teach something - your own good example and trusting relationship.
Know that the offensive words in the child's address remained in his body, manifesting itself in lowered shoulders, extinct look, tension in the body sores. And in the manner of behavior: uncertainty, secrecy, resentment, desire revenge.
Homework parents
Remember how you criticized the significant adults in the child, what kind of reaction it caused you, whether value judgments help you open to adults and do what they ask. Sometimes such memories help us to realize that we too were children, and better understand their own heirs.
By the way, it may be not easy memories. If they still affect you, your life, it is better to deal with this without transferring these messages to children. Just share with your baby, tell us about some moments of your childhood.
When the child is studying, pay attention to how he comes home from school, his teacher assesses that says how to call classmates. It is important to notice changes in behavior and to talk with the students, to support him. To think that it can help him change his behavior, to develop the qualities that will enable better and easier to learn, communicate, explore the world, to be healthy, active and open.
Such destructive criticism ...
Parents brought Paul to the consultation, when he was in second grade. It is full, even flabby boy. With first-class classmates his name-calling "mattress". Mother lovingly looking at her son and said: "That has led our elephant. He became a closed, I began to learn worse. The teacher recommended to see a psychologist. »
Paul, when my mother called it "elephant" cringed and blushed. Mom this, however, is not noticed. I asked whether she often calls it so. "So what? I did it with love! We are all full of violence. I believe that a good man should be a lot! - Mom laughs and then sighs. - Yes, and I can not deny him sweets, he's so sad after school. "
Left alone, Pasha said that in a class of his teasing, he experiences, the parents stopped complaining because they did not feel a sense of importance and repeat the same thing: "Yes, spit on them, all this nonsense." Houses too little support, mom only gives the sweetness of consolation, and self-confidence is not gaining.
At the second meeting comes dad, who immediately dismissive: "We have been raising my mother." And while Pasha speaks so much as it is important Pope, chatting with them! And father and son got the job: to find sports that they like, and start to engage together
. Dad even breathed happily: "I'm like a different sport, just a son, like, it's interesting, it's so we deadhead." Son of these words again hunched his shoulders ... It turns a double beep from the parents on the one hand, they are unhappy with the look as a son, and on the other hand, does not help to change this
. After a few months of swimming and football guy he blossomed, moved up in class no longer call him, made friends. Mom only began to complain that no longer feel needed. But this is a question that needs to be her mother decide not to flip dissatisfaction with his life for the child.
Criticism salvation
"And what if he does not do anything himself, all the time has to be customized, to criticize, compare with others, I began to learn, help around the house?" So, when will starts this criticism?
A child is born, causing a general joy and love begins to grow, and that something is often sick. In the minds of mom and dad thought: "Do good parents because children often get sick." And there is a feeling of irritation on the baby: "It is not the same as I would like ...»
At school, the child's successes begin to assess not only the closest people, but society - classmates, teachers. How to learn how to build relationships with other children, how it behaves in the classroom? This is a very sensitive period for the formation of self-esteem in a child's life, as he believes infinitely first teacher, sometimes even longer now than parents. The opinion of the teacher is more important.
"And to me that is? Nothing in fact not catch! "-" But the criticism helps? "-" For some time - sigh mother - and then it all comes back again. Well, at least for a time, to frighten. " And it turns out that a person grows up, which that he was doing something, you need to criticize or frighten. Perspective to become responsible adults and good professional small.
How to be?
Such destructive criticism ... Pay attention to the points that you irritate the child. Often they are associated with similar traits in yourself or in close relatives.
When you want to have to say hurtful words in the child's address, try to count to 10, take a break, think about how you can about what you do not like to bring in another. So that the child really heard, but did not close the insult, waiting for a chance to respond in the same way a parent hitting a painful point.
An example of the message changes: not "you - lazy, do not sit down to do their homework," and "let's agree about time: 5 minutes later you sit down to do their homework, go for a walk in an hour." Of course, there is no ready-made "magic" phrase, dialogue - is a volatile process, and for every occasion - his words and his style of conversation with the child.
Remember that the best way to teach something - your own good example and trusting relationship.
Know that the offensive words in the child's address remained in his body, manifesting itself in lowered shoulders, extinct look, tension in the body sores. And in the manner of behavior: uncertainty, secrecy, resentment, desire revenge.
Homework parents
Remember how you criticized the significant adults in the child, what kind of reaction it caused you, whether value judgments help you open to adults and do what they ask. Sometimes such memories help us to realize that we too were children, and better understand their own heirs.
By the way, it may be not easy memories. If they still affect you, your life, it is better to deal with this without transferring these messages to children. Just share with your baby, tell us about some moments of your childhood.
When the child is studying, pay attention to how he comes home from school, his teacher assesses that says how to call classmates. It is important to notice changes in behavior and to talk with the students, to support him. To think that it can help him change his behavior, to develop the qualities that will enable better and easier to learn, communicate, explore the world, to be healthy, active and open.
