Calm mother: How to stop being angry at the children

Evening. I am all day with the children alone. "Bathing the Red Horse", or rather, two horses in the bathroom. My nerves are on edge. I understand that quite a small spark that kindled the flames of emotion. Then daughter squirting soapy son in the eye. He tears up her back by the hair. Shouting, crying. Cried out to my mother. And yet ...

My "cap on the kettle" blows to the side. I begin to cry, his mouth distorted, his face red, his hands shaking. A minute later, exactly one minute I would be ashamed and sorry for the small, huddled in the corner of the bathroom children. But it is impossible to stop in time.

You certainly know those feelings. And it seems that there is no escape, and will run forever in a vicious circle of irritation-failure-guilt in front of children, which are rapidly moving away and all we forgive.

I have tried many things over the last year, and empirically deduced for himself a kind of "instructions for use for children with nature." In it only a few points that I try to observe. And it turned out to enter the Zen still possible.

I share - and suddenly come in handy

?


1. "Working with your emotions»

It is important to understand the origin of the negative emotion, such as anger. Most - of our ideas about what children should and should not do

. In coaching, there are techniques to track step by step change in the state - from disappointment to anger. As soon as you start the plant - at that moment you can still stop and redirect itself. I say to myself:

 - Yes, I'm angry, I'm in a rage

.  - Come up with, what can be done to remedy the situation

.  - Correcting this situation

. It helps me to smile, laugh, or a drink of water.

And I look at myself through the eyes of a child and see how ugly and scary looking red-faced screaming woman, which for some reason, my mother turns.

2. ️ «Do not climb - kill!»

In the evening, during a particularly violent games, I try not to intervene if there is no crime. I give the children frolic and show imagination. Yesterday, six year old Katya Vova taught to parachute from the top of the home of a sports complex. From scrap materials, two sets of uniforms were manufactured: hats, caps, plastic bags on the priest, symbolizing the canopy. Jumped in the face of a sofa - not hurt

. Generally, a year after the birth of her son was no longer in my pounding heart, even when jumping past the couch. I see the broken lips several times a week, wash off the blood and counted teeth. He has his own way of understanding the world. With his daughter missing explanations and its ability to anticipate the final.

Son comes to just empirically. I am in this case, the observer with a first aid kit at the ready. By analogy with the client in coaching - valuable just the way that he will pass. Tips, guardianship and mentoring are not working. Alas ...



3. "Harvesting pause»

At the eldest daughter of a need to stay one already. View cartoon, read, draw, povyrezat. She needs to take a break from the annoying younger brother, after all. She did not have to love every minute of it, play with it and watch all the time for him. She's only six, I think, and she was already required to "recharge the batteries».

And I noticed - after 30-40 minutes we returned to the cheerful and patient girl ready to play "in the Pups" - feed, to dress, to teach dance

. 4. "Shut up and listen. Listen and silent »

Active listening skills - that's where he is useful to me in full! It is one thing - to hear in adult coaching, which is the maximum, not telling. But the body language and gestures, words used to help identify genuine desire or barriers.

It is quite another thing - to hear what the speaker wants to almost two-year man. And a chance to understand and decipher provide the desired thing - only one, then the son includes the Jericho pipe. I sometimes think that this cry pierces and holds down my whole body.

I ceased to be annoyed and began to listen. Guess the sound of the word, I try to remember and analyze recent proshloe- where he was? What did you do? Why I have not done? What could want in this regard? I began to turn. In half of the cases. And I see in response to joy and gratitude to the man who had heard.



5 (and most important). "Remember that children - children»

They do not do anything out of spite, they simply check border. They do not know how is not shed and do not break, even when it is very trying. They can not silence and politely eat tasteless food for them, can not sit still and do not ask questions, and specifically my believe that simply must run and jump up to the moment until they collapse into bed.

And in those days, when I remember about it - everything goes fine

! I hope my "instructions for use" would be a useful contribution to the treasury of your tranquility.

Author: Natalia Bulatova