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10 mistakes that ruined the life of your daughter
The biggest mistake that many mothers and grandmothers, raising a daughter and therefore granddaughter - it is programmed it into a mandatory set of skills and qualities that she should have. "You have to be pretty," "You have to be docile," "You have to like it", "You have to learn how to cook," "You must." In the ability to cook is not bad, but the girls formed flawed thinking: you will have value only if you meet the criteria set.
There is much more efficient and injury-free personal example work for the mind: let's together shall weld a delicious soup. Let's get out of the house together. Come join choose your hairstyle. Seeing as mom does something and gets pleasure from it, my daughter wants to learn it.
On the other hand, if the mother hates a certain thing, then however long it repeated that it is necessary to learn the girl is unconscious rejection process. And in fact, everything what you need, girl still learn sooner or later. When she herself it would be necessary.
The second error, which is common in the education of daughters - it's hard, condemning the treatment of men and ..... that her mother is broadcast. "They all should be one," "Look, pomatrosit and throw," "The main thing - do not bring in the lap", "You should not be available»
. As a result, the girl grows with the feeling that the man - it's the aggressors and rapists that ... - is something dirty and wrong, what should be avoided. At the same time her body with age begins to send her signals, hormones begin to rage, and this internal contradiction between the prohibition emanating from the mother, and the desire, going inside is also very traumatic.
The third mistake, which contrasts wonderfully with the second - close to 20 years the girl reported that her happiness formula consists of "to get married and give birth." And ideally - to 25, otherwise it will be too late
. Think about it: first, as a child she was told that she should (list) to get married and become a mother, then a few years it aired the idea that men - goats, and ... - mud, and here again, get married and give birth.
It's ironic, but often these are the conflicting installation mother voiced daughters. The result is a fear of relationships as such. And seriously increases the risk of losing myself, losing touch with their desires and sense of what is really wanted a girl.
The fourth mistake - this overprotection. Now it is a big trouble, his mother is increasingly tied to their daughters and surrounded by so many prohibitions that is scary. Walk Do not go, do not make friends with these, call me every half hour, where you are, why late for 3 minutes. Girls do not give any freedom, do not give the right to make decisions, because these decisions can be wrong.
But it normal! In 14-16 years a normal teenager is the separation process that he wants to decide everything himself, and (except for matters of life and health), he should be given that opportunity. Because if a girl will grow under my mother's heels, it approved the idea that she is being second-class citizens, unable to autonomous existence, and for it all and will always deal with other people.
The fifth error - the formation of a negative image of his father. Whether there is a father in the family or the mother raises a child without his participation, it is inadmissible to turn into a demon father. You can not tell the child that his faults - a bad heredity on his father's side. You can not denigrate his father, no matter how he may have been.
If he really was a "goat", the mother is to recognize and share the responsibility for the fact that she chose this man to father her child. It was a mistake, so parents have left, but it is impossible to outweigh the girl responsible for one who took part in the conception. It is precisely here is not to blame.
The sixth error - corporal punishment. Of course, you can not beat any kids, never, but we have to admit that it hurts more girls. Psychologically the girl quickly rolls off the normal self in the position of a slave and humiliated. And if physical punishment comes from the father - it will almost certainly lead to the fact that the girl will choose partners aggressors
. The seventh mistake - nedohvalivanie. My daughter should grow constantly hearing that she was the most beautiful, the most beloved, the most capable, the most-most. This will form a healthy, normal self-esteem. This will help the girl to grow up with a sense of self-satisfaction, self-acceptance, self-love. This is a guarantee of its happy future.
The eighth error - a showdown with his daughter. Do parents need not arrange the quarrel with the children, this is simply unacceptable. Especially when it comes to the personal qualities of mother and father, recriminations. A child should not have to see it. And if it really happened, both parents must apologize and explain what can not cope with the feelings, they quarreled and made it up already, and most importantly - the child has nothing to do with it
. Ninth mistake - the wrong residence pubertal girls. There are two extremes: to allow anything to not lose contact, and to ban all "not to miss". As they say, both are worse. The only way to overcome this difficult period for all without casualties - firmness and kindness
. Hardness - is permitted in defense of the borders, goodwill - in dialogue. Girls at this age it is especially important to a lot of talking, questioning with them, answering stupid questions, shared their memories. And to respond calmly, and never use these calls against a child. If this is not done now - proximity will not be never, and grown daughter says, "I never trusted his mother»
. Finally, the ninth error - incorrect installation to life. Girls under no circumstances can not say that her life must include certain items. In marriage, birth, lose weight without getting fat and so on. The girl need to adjust to self-actualization, the ability to listen to yourself, to the opportunity to do what she likes, what it does for the fun of itself, independent of other people's assessments and public opinion. Then we grow up happy, beautiful, confident, ready for a full-fledged partnership woman.
There is much more efficient and injury-free personal example work for the mind: let's together shall weld a delicious soup. Let's get out of the house together. Come join choose your hairstyle. Seeing as mom does something and gets pleasure from it, my daughter wants to learn it.
On the other hand, if the mother hates a certain thing, then however long it repeated that it is necessary to learn the girl is unconscious rejection process. And in fact, everything what you need, girl still learn sooner or later. When she herself it would be necessary.
The second error, which is common in the education of daughters - it's hard, condemning the treatment of men and ..... that her mother is broadcast. "They all should be one," "Look, pomatrosit and throw," "The main thing - do not bring in the lap", "You should not be available»
. As a result, the girl grows with the feeling that the man - it's the aggressors and rapists that ... - is something dirty and wrong, what should be avoided. At the same time her body with age begins to send her signals, hormones begin to rage, and this internal contradiction between the prohibition emanating from the mother, and the desire, going inside is also very traumatic.
The third mistake, which contrasts wonderfully with the second - close to 20 years the girl reported that her happiness formula consists of "to get married and give birth." And ideally - to 25, otherwise it will be too late
. Think about it: first, as a child she was told that she should (list) to get married and become a mother, then a few years it aired the idea that men - goats, and ... - mud, and here again, get married and give birth.
It's ironic, but often these are the conflicting installation mother voiced daughters. The result is a fear of relationships as such. And seriously increases the risk of losing myself, losing touch with their desires and sense of what is really wanted a girl.
The fourth mistake - this overprotection. Now it is a big trouble, his mother is increasingly tied to their daughters and surrounded by so many prohibitions that is scary. Walk Do not go, do not make friends with these, call me every half hour, where you are, why late for 3 minutes. Girls do not give any freedom, do not give the right to make decisions, because these decisions can be wrong.
But it normal! In 14-16 years a normal teenager is the separation process that he wants to decide everything himself, and (except for matters of life and health), he should be given that opportunity. Because if a girl will grow under my mother's heels, it approved the idea that she is being second-class citizens, unable to autonomous existence, and for it all and will always deal with other people.
The fifth error - the formation of a negative image of his father. Whether there is a father in the family or the mother raises a child without his participation, it is inadmissible to turn into a demon father. You can not tell the child that his faults - a bad heredity on his father's side. You can not denigrate his father, no matter how he may have been.
If he really was a "goat", the mother is to recognize and share the responsibility for the fact that she chose this man to father her child. It was a mistake, so parents have left, but it is impossible to outweigh the girl responsible for one who took part in the conception. It is precisely here is not to blame.
The sixth error - corporal punishment. Of course, you can not beat any kids, never, but we have to admit that it hurts more girls. Psychologically the girl quickly rolls off the normal self in the position of a slave and humiliated. And if physical punishment comes from the father - it will almost certainly lead to the fact that the girl will choose partners aggressors
. The seventh mistake - nedohvalivanie. My daughter should grow constantly hearing that she was the most beautiful, the most beloved, the most capable, the most-most. This will form a healthy, normal self-esteem. This will help the girl to grow up with a sense of self-satisfaction, self-acceptance, self-love. This is a guarantee of its happy future.
The eighth error - a showdown with his daughter. Do parents need not arrange the quarrel with the children, this is simply unacceptable. Especially when it comes to the personal qualities of mother and father, recriminations. A child should not have to see it. And if it really happened, both parents must apologize and explain what can not cope with the feelings, they quarreled and made it up already, and most importantly - the child has nothing to do with it
. Ninth mistake - the wrong residence pubertal girls. There are two extremes: to allow anything to not lose contact, and to ban all "not to miss". As they say, both are worse. The only way to overcome this difficult period for all without casualties - firmness and kindness
. Hardness - is permitted in defense of the borders, goodwill - in dialogue. Girls at this age it is especially important to a lot of talking, questioning with them, answering stupid questions, shared their memories. And to respond calmly, and never use these calls against a child. If this is not done now - proximity will not be never, and grown daughter says, "I never trusted his mother»
. Finally, the ninth error - incorrect installation to life. Girls under no circumstances can not say that her life must include certain items. In marriage, birth, lose weight without getting fat and so on. The girl need to adjust to self-actualization, the ability to listen to yourself, to the opportunity to do what she likes, what it does for the fun of itself, independent of other people's assessments and public opinion. Then we grow up happy, beautiful, confident, ready for a full-fledged partnership woman.
