The child - not a problem, as a consequence of parental problems

As a mom special last child, I passed many stages and many specialists. My husband and I have tried almost everything that you could. And that has not yet been tried, be sure to try, that the result was stable and even better. But is not the point.

The very first step in our quest - it was the search for a panacea. Find someone who puts a needle, from which all at once resolve. Or magic pills, from which all will pass. Or, a child psychologist, who three times to restore all. While we are circling at this stage, only became worse. Nothing helped. Panacea did not want to appear. Why is that?

Because we are here on the buck. And here she is familiar not only to special parents. Yes, to be honest, not just parents.

Do something with my baby!

I know a lot of child psychologists. Nearly all say the same thing - even a child can be left at home. We have to work with their parents. The child - a consequence.

But more often it comes mother hands child, describes the problem and says: "Do something with it! You're a psychologist!. »

That is in fact my mother does not bear responsibility for what happens to the child. And handing the leadership baton psychologist. He now has to be a mom. Or even a magician.

More often confronted with a situation where the child's parents to explain the problem of school. It's there and it spoiled continue to spoil. They are already cursed, and written statements. Some even sue. We are your child's confidence - and you make out of it what we need

. Kindergartens, backyard culture, friends - all they affect the child, then what parents are powerless. But is it true? Is it really?

Why, even in the hospital, during childbirth a woman hoisting the burden on the doctor, expecting he will do. For her. And the pain will ease and help vytuzhit. And it helps some - on his stomach crushed, the tongs impose, cesarean without indications do. But all this has certain consequences - for both mother and child. The consequences of which will be to blame for doctors only.

Or is the problem - it is a consequence of the fact that parents do not want to take their own responsibility? Responsibility, which appeared in their lives at the time of the child's birth and ends only when death separates you.

Should the school of our children do those whom we want to see in them? Should she bring up in them good character traits and teach them to live right?

Should kindergarten to teach our children to be independent and learn to build their relationship? Are all teachers to educate the children, we who give birth?

Should a child psychologist who sees the problem in the lack of attention from their parents, to become himself in this position and try dolyubit someone else's child?

Should the obstetrician to give birth for a woman? Or is it his task to help her work in this process?

Whether the doctor is solely responsible for the child's health? Or is it the parents decide to put vaccinated or not, what medications to take and which not? Be it at all in the traditional treatment or switch to homeopathic?

No matter how much I think about it, the conclusion is always the same.

Still, it is the task of parents - to educate your child, tell him how to live, to inspire by example, learn how to build relationships

. Take care of him, to give him plenty of warmth, love and attention. No matter what - even if the school is not everything happens as planned. And if the material world tries to intervene and make the baby monster. This approach is more complex, there needs inner transformation of the parents, but how many are ready for this?

"Make him something!" - Parents say. And all the others are trying to do. Why? Someone wants to make someone wants to help, someone wants to be good ... But will result?

I know a lot of good professionals. One of them says something like this:

"I can get on the particular child much. I'm in class, he will behave well, will be for a clean, will not even talk much as he can. But what is the use? He will come out of the study and again will those vegetables that are used to see his parents. »

And it is true. Once upon a time I wondered why the kindergarten, where Daniel went on a half-day, it is very praise. Like, he always cleans for a. I looked at the piles of toys in the house and did not understand. And then it dawned on me. I saw there with the baby talk differently - as an adult person. A man who is respected. And I? I'm home team and forcing, stand over the soul and nervous.

At this point, for me, the beginning of another stage. When we started to go for help of another kind. Our request to the specialists was about:

"Show me what else can we change in themselves and their relationship with the child, to be effective?»

And they showed us. And we tried. Not everything turned out not always. Not all produce results. It was not always easy. Only one sequence in their words and actions how much we ate nerves.

We looked at what they do and how, as a child reacts to it. They were compared with the other, through their actions. Where we give up the slack where omit hands, and where we press too much. Studied. Tried. Still learning and trying.

And it has become easier. We feel that we can manage the situation. We have ceased to be its victims. We have changed - and changed the baby.

Heal my psyche and better under general anesthesia!

And then I saw that it was not only about the children. This is about the adults. When they themselves bring to the psychologist and say: "Make me something!". He would sit on a chair on the balance of the client this girl, and she does not know what he wants. He wants to press the button - and it was good. But the soul to work - does not want. Any mental work is a protest it. It's here you the psychologist, that does wonders.

Or online courses - the same story. Few pass them consciously. Realizing that it is their responsibility. Listen job, fulfill their heartfelt. Dive into the process. They get the results, which even I did not expect. For these girls, and I write such training. Often they live somewhere far away, they have no opportunity to go to the live lectures. And a difficult life situation, coupled with hunger, give them the strength and motivation to change.

The rest want to all passed itself. Without their participation. The course will download to your computer put. Perhaps everything will resolve itself. Or I see a couple of videos, Rate setting on the principle: "This kind of garbage and will not help" - and nothing has changed. Many do not even try. Many people do not reach the end. Because they want me to be something done with them. And I really want to help. But it is not ready to deal with the salvation of those who went up legs.

Someone needs of individual consultations. I remember one young lady, "I will pay any money to me you are self-two-three times a week." My refusal to upset her. And I know that this will have no effect. Because man is hoping for money to buy a healing. And he does not want to work independently. He needs someone who will then be to blame for the fact that it did not work. Anyone who would bang his head on her own protection and the wall. The one who will rescue her, while she will continue to destroy itself.

Again and again I see those pleas for help in a box - and I understand that as I would have liked, for none of them, I can not do anything. For those that really want to change, do not write such letters. They take articles, lectures and start doing. Through the pain through laziness, through the "can not". And the results obtained. Even better than originally planned. They also write letters - but the other and then. About how they have changed themselves. Write to inspire all those who are afraid to set foot on the path of responsibility for their lives.

For ten years I myself went on training - and not changed. I evaluated the lecturers, listening to something new, hanging out. But the work was not deep. Inside was all the same. Again and again, I sat on the client chairs and sabotaged its own cure. Make me something, but this is what I do just will not.

And until I started to do - and I started to do only when absolutely already been unbearable - nothing has changed inside. I was the same myself. Girl in the mask, which is better than the first strike than survive the blow from another person. Girls who like creepy love and attention, but she could only earn them. Girls who really terribly afraid to trust someone. Which did not know how to love and live with a heart of stone.

Immediately I could see myself so? No. It is only when recognized that the rescue of drowning - the handiwork of drowning. This is my life. And no one but me to change anything in it will not. Nobody.

Training, seminars, lectures and therefore provide short-term effect that does not go deep, do not touch our soul. But in Vedic knowledge turned out. No matter how I put barriers - my soul responded to the voice itself. And the movement has begun on both sides. Knowing wanted to touch the soul, the soul wanted to touch the knowledge. And I wanted to be happy. Therefore, beginning at last to try.

All other training that I took since then, were different. The balance I sought to give more than the yellow jersey leader constellation facilitators. I tried with all my heart to look and feel. Opening the process. Allowing it to heal my heart. To do this, we need to open old wounds and to pump out the pus. I had to see myself the way I did not want to see yourself. And to meet to where I usually run away.

And with this has come the responsibility and happiness. As soon as I stopped to change the world around, and began to change yourself, everything shifted. And with her husband and son, and a vocation, and my mother ... Yes, a lot with nothing.

Who controls our freedom of choice?

We can only change ourselves. And the world will respond to our internal changes. Be sure to respond. Those who work the soul struggling, who are aware of their responsibility and the importance of their own choice - open any door in the world

. If only cease to come to someone asking: "Do with him or with me anything." Ask for help can be different: "Help me to see where else I should change!»

Any growth initially accompanied by pain, from which you want to stop running. But this pain - on the other side - and is all the things we did and looking forward. Love is also there. Only need to boldly step toward her and accept that I am responsible for myself how I spend my life. Only me. And no one else.

Neither Mom nor Dad, no first love, no ancestral links. None of them is to blame for the fact that now I live as I live. I had and have a choice. The choice that I often do not use. All this - my exams on the way. And I offered them either, or failed miserably.

Recall Viktor Frankl, who not only survived the concentration camp, but managed to stay there man. It was his choice in such terrible external circumstances. And next to this example our external interference does not seem so global. If it could, the more we can. Parents can just learn to open your heart, let all the unnecessary, to do their duty, to learn to love ....

Just something you need to take the reins of his life in his hands. Rose to his feet and waving his arms to stop calling helpers. Hands need to manage their choices and their own destiny.

Do not be afraid to go ahead and make informed choices. To fear is a life lived as horrible as it is unclear who managed, if at all, someone managed.

Author: Olga Valyaeva


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