Let me explain.
Sometimes such situations arise when we, for whatever reason, decide to "save" the "unfortunate" man. Conventionally, save and conditional accident, of course.
You meet a guy, and he recently threw a girl, heart broken, it is necessary to cure. And let's treat it in full. Or the girl who is a wounded soul, and you have come to take his place savior. I do not give you advice, just listen to me, what I say:
Healthy relationship starts with two healthy people
And this rule.
Please heal itself should each, you can kind of help, but do not rush to close until the man himself did not understand.
A healthy person - this is a normal, adequate person who knows about its merits and does not diminish their (self-esteem all right), but also honestly see its flaws. Each person has strengths and weaknesses, so arranged by nature. Perfect people do not have, but quite neurotic - rife
A healthy person is aware of their needs, knows how to talk about their feelings, express emotions, constructive approach to solving the problems in the relationship (and they always arise problems - an integral part of life in the way any growing as a human person), knows how to love and most importantly, a healthy person to take responsibility for their own happiness in relationships. You see the difference? Do not you have to someone to make happy, you no one should.
It is clear that we are not all at the level of awareness, but! Choose a pair in their maturity. Try, at least. I'll explain why this is important.
When you realize that much has grown especially sharply start to feel responsible for every word, for every action performed. At a certain stage of development is not difficult for you to fall in love with a person - it is very easy, but you never do it. As in sports, you know? The higher you rank / etc is given, the greater the responsibility for action, particularly in relation to the one who has nothing to do with sport. If a professional karate strike the average person, the punishment will ensue (not always, of course, but my train of thought you caught, I think).
If you always save someone, always something to donate, you live for the sake of someone else, something else is going on there, stop bit. Understand yourself, analyze past relationships, parent-child clues. Maybe you're stuck on some recurring scenario?
Each of us happy, if someone is experiencing positive emotions in relation to us, it is always very nice, I agree. But watch what the algorithm, if one person a little more mature than the other (of course, always attracted to each other exactly those who are worthy to be around at any given time, but still have something to think about).
For example, you - a mature person inside, and free, in principle, the presence or absence of someone else beside you does not make much happy or unhappy. Of course, a loved one close - this is a great happiness, but rather, it is an additional happiness to your own happiness. If he leaves, you will still live a happy life, and accept his choice. Mourn, of course, but on the whole, life is not destroyed. If the second person of the same mature, and then you start the relationship is very consciously (with the desire to be together for life), and end, if it really happened, they also consciously. But if the second person is not very mature, that here there is a different situation.
At first, he / she is in awe of your maturity, you admire, and the like, but gradually he / she has formed a strong attachment. And it seems like not too bad, still live, even nice to hear all those "I can not live without you", "I'll die without you" and so on, but at some point you start to get tired of it. That is, for a man is not himself and his way of its development is the pivot for life, and YOU. And if you suddenly decided to move away or get out of his life, then it all collapses. And as a mature person you know that hurt him, hard, etc., but do not you stay with him out of pity, or something else. See what I mean?
"Stickiness" love one begins to weigh a mature man. Yes, of course, you can save, you can raise the other, and so often happens - someone someone raises. But I know for myself: as long as others to grow, he topcheshsya in place very often. People, for whatever reasons, have different levels of development, and is still one of my (anyone not confirmed) theory, the problem on the life at them different. Someone to play in the professional league, someone in the amateur. And there is no better or worse options. Just two players from the professional league can show a strong game, motivate each other on the growth and the like
If two persons are not very mature - it's not such a big trouble :))) There is usually a dramatic story, with emotions, partings, insults, etc. - We all go through a similar stage. But when it was, be attentive to the heart of another person! You always have to be attentive to the heart of another person, but before you take the responsibility for his happiness, deal with their injuries and scenarios.
Do not take the responsibility for the happiness of the unhappy man ...
Do not take responsibility for the happiness of the unhappy man.
This concerns not only your men or women, but also your parents, siblings, friends, grandparents, etc. Have compassion, help, but do not become a crutch for them. "No one will do for you your inner work." You can not live for another of his own life. Once such stories have become a burden for the person who charted itself high goals on the way. Of course, this does not apply to all people living in this world. But those who are not concerned, I think, never read this post.
Author: Tatiana Charugina