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Do not take the responsibility for the happiness of the unhappy man
Do not take the responsibility for the happiness of the unhappy man.
Let me explain.
Sometimes such situations arise when we, for whatever reason, decide to "save" the "unfortunate" man. Conventionally, save and conditional accident, of course.
You meet a guy, and he recently threw a girl, heart broken, it is necessary to cure. And let's treat it in full. Or the girl who is a wounded soul, and you have come to take his place savior. I do not give you advice, just listen to me, what I say:
a healthy relationship starts with two HEALTHY PEOPLE
This is usually <.. /
Please heal itself should each, you can kind of help, but do not rush to close until the man himself did not understand.
A healthy person - this is a normal, adequate person who knows about its merits and not belittle them, but also honestly see its flaws. Each person has strengths and weaknesses, so arranged by nature. < there is no perfect people and perfect neurotics - rife
. A healthy person is aware of their needs, he knows how to talk about their feelings, express emotions, constructive approach to solving the problems in the relationship (and they are always there, problems - an integral part of life in the way any growing as the identity of the person ), is able to love, and, most importantly, healthy person to take responsibility for their own happiness in relationships. You see the difference? < Do not you need someone to make happy - you no one should
If you have all the time for someone to save, always something to sacrifice, live for someone. what else is going on there, stop bit. Understand yourself, analyze past relationships, parent-child clues. Maybe you're stuck at a certain repetitive scripts?
It is clear that we are not all at the level of awareness, but choose a mate for their maturity. Try, at least. I'll explain why this is important.
For example, you - a mature person inside free, and, in principle, the presence or absence of someone else close to you does not make much happy or unhappy. Of course, a loved one close - this is a great happiness, but rather happiness is additional to your own happiness. If he leaves, you will still live a happy life, and accept his choice. Mourn, of course, but life is not destroyed as a whole. If the second person of the same mature, and then you begin to consciously relationship (with the desire to be together for life), and end, if it really happened, they also consciously. But if the second person is not very mature, that here there is a different situation.
At first, he / she is in awe of your maturity, you admire and so on. N., But gradually he / she has formed a strong attachment. And it seems like not too bad, still live, even nice to hear all those "I can not live without you", "I'll die without you" and so on. N., But at some point you start to get tired of it. That is, for a man is not himself and his way of its development is the pivot for life, and YOU. And if you suddenly decided to move away or get out of his life, then it all collapses. And as a mature person you know that hurt him, hard, and so on. N., But also you do not stay with him out of pity, or something else. You see what I mean
«stickiness" love one begins to weigh a mature man Yes, you can save, you can raise the other, and often it happens -. Someone then someone raises. But I know for myself: as long as others to grow, he topcheshsya in place very often. People, for whatever reasons, have different levels of development, and is still one of my theories on life tasks they are different. Someone to play in the professional league, someone - an amateur. And there is no better or worse options. Just two players from the professional league can show a strong game, motivate each other, and so the growth. N.
If two persons are not very mature - it's not such a big trouble. There is usually a dramatic story, with emotions, partings, insults, etc. -.. We all go through a similar stage. But when it was, be attentive to the heart of another person! You always have to be attentive to the heart of another person, but before you take the responsibility for his happiness, deal with their injuries and scenarios.
< Do not take responsibility for the happiness of the unhappy man. It's not just your woman or man, but your parents, siblings, friends, grandparents, and so on. n. sympathize, help, but do not become a crutch for them. "No one will do for you your inner work." You can not live for another of his own life. Once such stories have become a burden for the person who charted itself high goals on the way. Of course, this does not apply to all people living in this world. But those who are not concerned, I think, never read this post.
Author: Tatiana Charugina
Preview: Sophie Black
via vk.com/sophieblack
