People do not know how to take care of their loved ones

Of course, we take care of loved ones. We are in this completely convinced. We care every day. We care, we care and we care ... Stop. And whether it is care at all? And whether it is necessary in reality? Site offers a look into the question, together with a family psychologist Paul Zygmantovich.

I wanted to write this review bitingly - they say that women can not take care of the men. Even the title came up as it should - "Women are unaware that such care»

. Then he repented and the surrounding five times to reduce the intensity of revelations. What am I all women scold? Derision-ka I all at once, one, so to speak, chohom.

< Do you think that you care about the partner? Nothing like that. The vast majority of people can not take care at all. And I do not say this in a fit of sudden misanthropy or just to be witty. I'm just stating reality - people are not able to care for their loved ones. No men can not, nor women.

But take care - are able to very well

.

Just people confuse the care and custody, the first substitute for the second. It seems to people that they care, whereas in fact this care is not there. She does not even smell!

Let's take a look at the Small Academic Dictionary of the Russian language. There we see that the care is "attention to the needs, the needs of anyone." A guardianship is called "care of the personal and property rights of disabled people (minors, the mentally ill, and so on. P.), As well as watching them rests with the state on smb. and carried out under the control of state power. " About the power can be folded. Keyword -

«incapable». As you can see, the care and custody are very different. Takes care of those who can not take care of himself, and, therefore, the trustee has the right to make decisions for the ward.

Caring - is another matter. Caring - attention to the needs, attention to the person and to emphasize special attention to his personal territory and borders

. The difference between the care and attention - a colossal

. Take a little anecdotal example. The woman went into the store and passed by the department of men's socks, her husband bought five pairs. What is it - the care or custody

? In the narrated version - guardianship. The woman behind her husband decided that he needs new socks, and he bought them. It turns out that her husband was incapacitated, could neither solve for themselves or buy. Apparently, very bad disease.

And how would look care?

The woman went into the store and passed by the department of men's socks, called her husband and said - if he needed socks. And according to his answer came (maybe bought, but can - and no, it all depends on how you answer the husband)

. That is - caring

. Exactly the same is true for men. An example can come up with themselves.

The scheme is simple - you can see that the husband / wife needs something (or you think you see it). You do not rush to do it immediately and ask the husband / wife. And do if the husband / wife is not against

This is the -. Adult relationship

. Why guardianship bad - I think it is clear. Marriage, as I have reported, is the union of two adults and equal human beings, and it is valuable. Adulthood and equality.

However (and this is noticed not only me), equality in the relationship does not occur very often. In practice, the relationship is much more common on a "parent-child". That is to say, someone in charge, while others - as if in submission

. It is about such a situation they say, when using the refrain that "the women are always on the same child more than it is." That is, her children are present, but still has a husband who is also - a child of a child of

. Many men and many women, this situation is annoying - and it is clear why. In such a "parent-child relationship" very little pleasure and joy. More stress and duress.

How to get out of them? One note: just do not tell, of course, but instead of taking care opekaniya - just to let you add relationships in adulthood

. So, not to be mom to her husband, dear woman to be his wife, daddy, dear man, you just need to give up custody and switch to care.

There may be a question-whether it means all of the above that any guardianship bad? No, it does not. Sometimes it is very nice when a person decides for you that you need to cover with a blanket and / or bring hot tea. Or, say, buying a gift that you yourself never dare to buy.

But - times
. If you want, care should be 98%, and care - 2%. And only in this way - if I was not the most categorical psychologist in the world

Total - if you want an equal relationship in marriage, to take care and avoid custody. Will - best



. via zygmantovich.com/?p=7327