My daughter has to be not only good, but also to be able to fend for themselves

«Mom, I talked to her politely, like you taught me, but she continued to be rude to me - told me a daughter on the way to school. - She even laughed before leaving ».

"You told her something in return?»

My daughter just moved in class 3, and she has so much experience. And she is going through because of the homework or schedules, but because she always has to be good as it was taught from the kindergarten, this is not a good class atmosphere.

Our car stopped. As our conversation. We were standing at the traffic lights at the turn to her school. I looked at her in the rearview mirror. She lowered her head and pouted. When we finally got to the school, she jumped out of the car with his huge backpack, smiled at me goodbye and ran off to school.

I myself know the answer to your question. I knew she was right. If she knew how to argue in the good it would have done. My daughter was just a girl, which I have always wanted it to be: kind, good, generous and nice to everyone. But she was also the girl who can not fend for themselves. Faced with anything other than kindness, my daughter always receding ...

She always taught that the main thing - to be kind. This message is transmitted through every book through each drawing on the walls of the school. I myself it is constantly repeated. "Always think of what is happening in people, how they feel. If people are rude to you, perhaps something happened or they just having a bad day. " The very same I used to dramatically talking to people, but I always controlled her own language.

We're trying to teach our children empathy, understanding, ability to always adjust to the situation and to compromise. But it turns out that the child is not entitled to your own feelings?

Since my baby listens and obeys all that she said she slowly but steadily loses its own voice in the world. Now, most likely, it will take a piece of his unloved cheese pizza instead of a piece of ham as it was only after all have made their choice. Most likely, it will not raise your hand in class to share his unusual view on the topic. We have been taught: "Be good." She has learned: "You have no right to object».

I had to know. I'm not just her mother, I'm the girl that was raised by the same rules. I know that such education can lead to the fact that in the future it will not be able to communicate on an equal basis with colleagues, will besprikoslovno suffer humiliation or physical abuse from her husband. Every woman knows that the line between "to be nice" and "weak-willed to be" too thin, and it is important to understand this, before it's too late.

I have to show her that being good does not mean being a doormat, you have to strictly answer if you mistreated
I will always remind her daughter that you need to think how others feel, and why are so himself. But when the situation is not worth it to be "pious" girl, she should be able to fight back and to express their views. You can not afford to someone having a bad day and ruined her day.

I really want my daughter to grow up a good man. But I want her to remember to be good in the first place to himself.

Author: Gordon Parker Dzherisha
Translation and adaptation of the Website




via parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/01/17/a-daughter-too-kind-for-her-own-good/