There is a "shizoidizatsiya" population, ie escape from the real world into the Internet space and virtual relationships.
- At a time when the dialogue between men and women goes largely in the sphere of information technologies, in the virtual world often it is not only familiar, but also the development of relations, including feelings arise, which are called virtual love. Why do people go to such a relationship? Can you call the main reason for this step is the lack of dating reality or such people have any specifics?
- On the Internet, there are many different typologies of people, a lot of unhealthy people, many normal people who are just a little bit lost at the moment. If we talk terms, at the moment, if you look at the global sense, there is a "shizoidizatsiya" population, ie escape from the real world into the Internet space and virtual relationships.
The level of income people can be divided into several categories. First category - people who constantly work and earn little, they tend to suffer from self-esteem, but not in all cases, we are talking about those who constantly sits on the Internet. The second category - the "office" employees, they have a living online just happens constantly: they sit on the Internet, their work is connected to the Internet, they have there different means of communication - ICQ, Skype, contact, ie, many references, which always someone hanging and something responsible. There is also a third category - is to ensure people are engaged in some business and it deepened. They, incidentally, a very small percentage in the virtual world and virtual love, because they have no time to do it, they no longer read the news online and taking information useful to their work.
People have low incomes, tends to be a problem during the day to get online, because their work is not connected with the office, they do not have a tablet, a laptop computer, but they have come out of this situation - they set the Internet phone. Recently, I often come across in the consultations so that office workers are beginning to have affairs with those who have Internet access only in the phone. And you know how they define them? If you are chatting on your computer, you are putting smiles, points, commas, and given the extended text messages, and if you correspond with your phone, then you are too lazy to look for somewhere brackets, commas, and messages are usually meager. People with no more life on the Internet are mostly in the evening or at midnight, hardly anyone comes after three, it happens, as a rule, if you're dealing with some one virtual person.
- Which of these categories of people most susceptible to care virtual reality?
- Those who are engaged in business, just once. They have money with them always someone wants to meet, they are hunting, they simply do not need it, they have other problems. Segment of the population with a minimum income often limit the use of the Internet in the home, because you have to pay for it, if you do not pay for a month, he flies out of the virtual life. In the summer they are, if you look, mostly facing the street, on the bench, with seeds, with the phone, with a bottle of beer. With a special phone can not be helped. The most affected by the care in virtual relationships zone - is "office" employees, because they have the opportunity to buy a modern "gadgets" for dialogue.
- In the process of the virtual relationship takes place trust and confidence in unwarranted, however, people trust a virtual partner. For example, on our website antisuitsidnom Pobedish.ru was the case when the girl fell in love with a virtual person, talked, and then he left her, as a result it became clear that it was not a young man and an old man. She even wanted to commit suicide. Where does such an unjustified trust?
- Here we can talk about an element dependent personality. There is a concept of love, when two people are absolutely adequate to live, to be together, but feel full without the other. And there is a love relationship, when we need to object, in which we are in love, was constantly somewhere nearby, it does not matter in the real or virtual world. Here the element of trust begins to mix with addiction. The man says, "I trust you, but then you also give me something in return, and as much as possible." Manifests a certain greed: "I will tell you all my secrets, tell you about everything you listen to me, you do regret it." This element of the dependent person. These people need attention, pity. One patient in an hour and sixty-three times checks if she wrote a young man, that is, she "flew away" in a fully virtual relationships.
A very similar situation from the practice when she corresponded with a young man, he was in another city, and by the time she came to the reception, they have correspondence lasted for two years, but during that time never once met. Very often the reason for such a long virtual love is the fact that the computer sits a bit off the man as he is. The girl in the photos was quite appealing, it was edited on Photoshop, but she had a weight problem, and it is two years trying to fight this, set goals put himself in order to meet him. We had worked for six months, she lost weight and when she was sure that now something might meet him, she invited him to a meeting, but there is something he fidgeted. Very stead on his account there was a so-called relative who said he had an accident, and when he gets out of the hospital - is unknown. She told me about how they are rewritten, and in some moments I showed her that there may not be the man for whom he gave himself known at all - it's a man or a woman. But when a person is dependent, it quickly begins to trust and this trust binds partner.
- Does it mean that these virtual relationships tend to people who initially according to the slopes?
- Yes. If a person is free from dependence, it is self-sufficient, he can spend time with myself, to enjoy it, he can go for a walk with your friends, it can sit on the Internet, but it does not disappear there constantly. He loves himself and loves to friends, he did not need one single person, it communicates with the real world and can spend some time in the virtual, but he did not fixate on it.
I can give you one more rather interesting case study. Husband and wife - the bankers, only work in different banks. They met on the Internet, were married. A year has passed, and even after the wedding, they had a very unusual communication was: they sit all day on the Internet, chat, come home, eat supper, she sits in the room with your laptop, and he sits in the kitchen with a laptop and they communicate with each other. They have a problem, they can not have children. With this style of communication is difficult. They came with it and did not understand what was happening. And they say that the Internet they are updated emotions, feelings. They experimented specifically: left the country, had been there for two days without the Internet, and she said that these two days fell out of her life, it was empty. Returned - again emotions ...
Therefore, in most cases we can say that the person who sits on the Internet and there falls - dependent person. Sitting at a computer at home, you can sit with a shaggy head, not made up and say that you are in a beautiful peignoir in beautiful clothes, and at the end of a man is sitting with a sandwich in hand, in the family shorts, with a beer, talk, he is sitting by the fireplace on a leather sofa. This embellishment of reality, that which is not life and, of course, "true" dream.
There actually have advantages, if you do not go far in the dialogue. Recently, the girl raised a rebellion that men, in general, to communicate on the Internet, and to meet him, and will not pull out, you need to make an effort. While some men are very active, they constantly offer to meet, but very often women are denied because they do not meet their needs and expectations. The more you deny, the more you want to pull out of this man. Girls are now often offer themselves to meet after one to two weeks of communication, man hinted that he showed some activity.
Another case from practice. The girl for three weeks staged a marathon for sites, found a lot of interesting young people met with five. She told me incredible things as strange and not quite normal men came to the meeting, and only one got a decent, with whom she currently continues to communicate, but their virtual love turned into real communication and see what will happen next.
But if we are talking about virtual love, very often it occurs when people are at a great distance from each other.
- Because they do not have the opportunity to meet in reality. At least, it is difficult.
- That's an excuse. Why virtual love can last for years? Because the man himself embellishes. Distance prevents them from meeting, he always has an excuse: "I would love to meet with you, but you do realize that great distance between us. Someday, soon, soon I will be passing through your town, and we will meet. " And she says: "Yes, of course, I'll be waiting for you».
There is now such a thing as "virtual lover". In general, men from Moscow give birth to a "virtual mistresses" who are, say, in Nizhny Novgorod, Ryazan. They extol themselves show pictures of expensive cars, good wealth, even though he earns an average, but he's here, "blooms", asserts itself. And he can live with a girl who perceives it differently, but the Internet is happening, just a crazy, unreal love. For girls from other cities, the man, who lives in Moscow, with the expensive "war-horse" and a pocket full of money - this is for them, "tidbit", "handsome prince».
- They do not meet then with their virtual lovers in reality?
- Recently there was a case, a girl from Voronezh, and he Muscovite. It is specially thought up an excuse to come, but he came up with some business trip and then allegedly flew to Kazakhstan. She went back. He referred to his time on his business, which he really does not. Here's a "love." She still continues to continue to communicate with him, hoping. Apparently, when she came here, Moscow impressed her, she may even somewhere on the street saw the prototype of a young man.
- It is clear that the Internet, we are not dealing with real people, and with the images. Can we call the ratio of the image of love, or love, or is it something else?
- First, in any case, there is a certain love. Everyone already knows the rules of how to show themselves on the Internet, how to attract the attention, interest. Accordingly, if your inner image of the ideal man (woman) got together with the fact that you found on the Internet, you will fall in love in this way. Photoshop - a strong piece. Some specifically overstate the way, in whom they fell in love to meet. In most cases, a virtual love just is avoiding meeting. It will be a wild disappointment. We first do, and then we think. They got into a fight, but already there see zalizhem wounds, if that. In principle, you can remove from friends and pressing a button - and everything and start a new one. You can live for years in the Internet, to get more and more new partners, finding reasons to not meet.
You also need to keep in mind that virtual communication a lot of psychopaths. As one professor said: "We used to get psychopaths have come to be treated, and now they do not go. Because they are now on the Internet. " The same psychopath finds what he needs on the Internet, and he will be there to bathe in glory, it will compliment somewhere he will regret, somewhere he can break, show aggression - and it is almost painless for him. < br />
- Those. You can easily fall in love with this psychopath?
- Yes, it is possible. There are a large number of ... Opatija is a ... perversion, a perversion. Patients with schizophrenia are themselves telling how they met on the Internet with the girls. Because you may not see his illness, it can be treated in a good state at the moment, it can be a drug. It will feel great to be talking to you even be something attractive, it may be some beautiful images in his head. They can be creative people meet and creative personality, with elements hystero-schizoid. Beautiful in its strangeness unusual. His element chill, watered-down, it may attract some girls on the contrary, because it is necessary to seek from him yet emotion is not vytyanesh. When we get to know it, do not even suspect, who is there, we do not even know there is a man or a woman. Even if you guessed the floor, it is unknown what state the person himself. Therefore, such a person may avoid meetings constantly.
One customer said: "I'm always about ten virtual lovers who want to meet me, some I can go to dinner. I wanted to have dinner, do not pay the money, I just - and called him to a meeting. I can every two weeks to pull it, and it pays well for me. " She became involved in a relationship, and it is already hard to build a relationship in reality.
Basically the experts come when everything is running, when left to the full program when disappointed in love in a relationship. A lot of married men on the Internet, they give birth to a virtual love when family life has grown cold, a little emotion, a man works hard, make money, brings them home, but does not get one thanks to which it counts. And on the Internet, he will get it all off. Because he describes this girl that he's good, he works hard, earns well, he is beautiful, he is an athlete. She does not see all that comes with it really, and it gives emotions, which he lacks.
- Does it mean that if a person refuses to meet, it is in any case, should lead one to suspect?
- Yes. I can even call some reasons why a person with whom you are communicating, refuses real meeting. First, it can be disabled, which just received communion. It may be, and tried to meet, but these meetings were so stressful that he said to himself: "No, never».
Second, it is men who currently have a relationship and find it difficult to meet. She will offer a meeting after work, and after work he was doing his woman. The woman with whom he lives or his wife calls and says: "Where are you now? You how many will? Get out of the subway - stop ringing me, please. " What kind of meetings, there can be a speech? He starts talking in fits and starts: "Come on, we'll meet with you for an hour and a half." He told his wife that he had some business that he is delayed at work, and he ran into the cafe, sat down and tried to fall in love with this girl - all the more he can not. Even if he just met, then the second and the third for him problematic.
People who are actively involved in the business, too rich and the middle of the day, a steady stream of work he can get some emotion. He can always be three or four girls, because he needs it, he gets it. There is a type of person they are emotional bloodsuckers, fed and go to work on the so-called "love vampires." If a man refuses to meet with you, even in its output, he said that he was leaving, it is almost one hundred percent that he had someone there, but it's just a game, having fun, fall in love, but he does not want to admit to yourself closely. Men who have an ongoing relationship, go to the Internet and begin to fall in love with it, because they do not have these emotions in real life. They go in the virtual world to be successful there, beautiful, attractive, popular - something that does not give them the girl who is next.
Similarly, women do. They say that their man does not know how to listen, do not know how to make compliments, look after. Maybe they could, but a year or two or three - and dies down. Any girl more or less attractive post the questionnaire and on the day she can come fifty or even five hundred posts with various suggestions, compliments, and here she blossoms: "How nice it is, what a thrill».