How to change the life of an adult

know what the phrase most often heard at the consultations?

"I would like to change lives, but it is impossible. Most of the changes that I make, sooner or later, "fold" or do not lead to the desired result ».

What is so persistently prevents changes come into your life?

Who will be slightly painful, but ...

It is you. You yourself stopper engine and its changes
Alas, not only prevents physical inactivity, but also psychological. Or, speaking in Russian, not a strong enough desire, which is closely connected with the victim syndrome.

How to change the life of an adult?

Syndrome victim ("I will not work," "I'm not able to") is formed in childhood. This is a very comfortable position manipulative, through which we get a variety of bonuses: a child is proof of the love of parents, and later - sympathy, help and support others. However, over time the number of people who want us to feel sorry for, reduced, but the habit of being a victim remains. And the spoils relations with the world.

The position of the victims - one of the masks of our "I", which is inherent unwillingness to develop. You are fed, slept, security ... What is self-realization even ?! So satisfaction of primary needs is replaced by the pursuit of development - that aspect that distinguishes us from the lions - and sea couch. Mollusk produced a conditioned reflex - to hide in a shell at the first sensation of discomfort.

The position of the victim - a paralysis of will. And will - not automatically built-in quality, it is a muscle that needs daily exercise.

So the first step for change - not the purpose of drawing up of 5 years. The first step - it is getting rid of the victim syndrome! But it is not aggression: fight against yourself - employment prospects. It is necessary to make a decision to grow inner winner.

Step Two - cease to justify their inaction than whatsoever - past, present, future. Take responsibility for your actions and results, declare that you are the sole author of its history.

If you are looking for a reason that is happening to you outside, then the output you will look the same. But if external circumstances run your life, and then they will decide what will be your life. Looking for something outside, you hook your helplessness!

To bring in your life changes, you need to consciously open to the world. Get him feedback that is not always rosy, and appropriately act on it.

"I tried, but I could not," "I can do it, if I'm sure I can do it", "I would like to do this, but the circumstances are such that it is quite impossible" - alas, but it is inadequate reaction. It stoppers that support and aggravate the condition of the victim. Collecting and kollektsioniruya childhood their failures, mistakes, wounds, we get used to interact with the world in the format of "obstacle - bad, bad." To get out of the position of the victim, you must take responsibility for their lives and to establish contact with the world in the format of "obstacle - growth opportunity».

You might think that this is typical of people who grew up in the family leaders, parents or advanced, or the guru of self - and this, too stopper. People living in the position of "obstacle - the ability to" just one day decided to be the author of your own life and follow it no matter what. It came from rich and poor families. From the shelters, camps of the Holocaust (so there was something to blame someone!) And refugee camps. From family dynasties, aristocrats and rich. The risk of contracting the virus is the same for all the victims, as well as a chance to recover by their own efforts.

your past, whatever it may be, does not determine your future.

Usually people come to understand the need for change when whole areas of life slowly (or maybe already fast) and right fall apart in front of them: a job you do not want the word "very" relations "predrazvodnom" state, it seems that a lot of years of life passed in vain ... However, whether to wait for these critical points? I am sure that there is.

The most difficult step - separating us from the usual.

There where not particularly want to go - you just need to be. Where hardest - you are the closest to the source of the wound. I understand how hard and scary again to touch his wounds, but let me ask the question: how much you have bintuete their wounds? It helps? Bates pain? How long will you continue to do it?

Is not it easier to remove once and for all a source of pain, treat the wound and give it finally heal? While I recognize that not everyone is ready to handle their own wounds.

But, alas, neither I nor any one of my colleagues can not make you living em> their lives. This is your personal problem. This globally and is the right choice. Where it seems that there is no exit, - use their right to choose what the output side. Take advantage of them. This is the only chance to live vivid, interesting and rich life of the author's own destiny.

Author: Julia Wicko
Photos on the preview Irina Julie





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