Scientists deny the importance of "compatibility" for love and family relations Bashny.Net

Most of us would like to see next to a man who would become both friend and lover, who can be trusted had their doubts, and who would be glad of our victory as their own. We hope to find a partner, has a set of the most important qualities that will fit perfectly with our own. That is the man who will contact the most compatible. It remains to find out what qualities are really important.

Compatibility Issues held a variety of researchers, and all of them were trying to identify the most crucial for this quality. All these people, from scientists to professional matchmakers, studied the history of countless couples who then agreed, the costs.

General conclusions are:

Compatibility does not depend on a specific set of features. Compatibility - this is not what you have. It's something you create. It is a long process of negotiation, repeating again and again. This character, attitude and willingness to partner efforts.

Here, of course, one can not forget about the most unpredictable component compatibility - what we call "chemistry". This thing is really important, but people are too often wrongly rely on it, removing all responsibility conscious choice. They believe - as will be the perfect companion on the horizon, the arrow of Cupid will strike two and start a happy life. However ...

Love affects many levels of human life. It is associated with a complex interplay of biological and behavioral factors. And best of all deal with them someone who makes efforts and consciously creates its relationship.

Here's what the experts say:

«The value of interoperability exaggerated. Similar personality traits that attract people to each other, may eventually change. You can be nice to spend time with someone who, like you, love to ski. But what will be left of this attachment, if one of you, let's say, a knee injury? When you say divorce "between us has nothing to do" - and you have kids, the house, and 30 years of marriage. Some core values ​​- to do with money or children - are very important. Surface - sports, travel, coffees - do not matter. " - William Daugherty, University of Minnesota.

blockquote>

«Giving too much importance to the issue of compatibility in itself can be a wake-up call. My research has shown that there is absolutely no difference in the objective level of compatibility between happy and unhappy couples. The difference is that the unhappy are convinced that compatibility for a successful marriage is vital - and just as convinced that they do not possess. When people say, "We are not compatible," it usually means "We can not build our relationship." People exaggerate the importance of personality traits or values. And underestimate how important for a successful marriage similarity of temperament. " - Ted Huston, the University of Texas.

blockquote>

«Most people consider the compatibility of a basic requirement, and then expect the partner for something more. "I would like him to get along with my family and did everything that I love to do; it should be sexy and to carry me on the fashionable resort. " I think relationships can bring much more joy if you learn to respect each other's opinions and try to learn about the partner as much as possible. I often think of the phrase "meet your soul mate." Do you really want someone who is going to argue with you and defend a point of view different from yours ". Nancy Slotnik, project founder www.cablight.com.

blockquote> Source: www.mixstuff.ru

via factroom.ru