How to cope with aggressive and controlling people
Everyday communication is not always easy - often it is a question of psychology. So today we offer you a translation of an article by Professor Preston No, an expert in interpersonal, professional and intercultural dialogue.
«Some people are trying to be higher beheaded another" - Paramhansa Yogananda.
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Most of us at some point in our lives faced with aggressive, intimidating or controlling persons. These individuals can enter into our inner circle or in a professional environment. At first glance, they may seem overbearing, demanding, hostile or abusive. However, with the help of a wise approach, and intellectual communication, you can pay aggression cooperation and forbearance.
Below you will find the seven keys to interact with difficult people. Keep in mind that these are general rules, and not all the tips may come specifically for your situation. Just use what suits you, and leave the rest.
1. Remain calm and samoobladanie
One of the most common traits of aggressive, intimidating and controlling your people - they love deliberately to put pressure on the sore spot, pull the strings and bring you out of yourself. Thereby, they create an advantage over you and exploit your weakness.
The first general rule in the face of difficult people - stay calm. The less you react to provocations, the easier you will cope with the task. When you feel frustrated, or you have someone that needs something before do what you will regret later, take a deep breath and slowly count to ten. In many cases, by the time you count, you restore composure and find the best answer, so can not worsen and reduce the problem. If you are still upset when he counted to ten, if possible, take time out and go back to the issue of when to calm down. If necessary, use the phrase "I'll get back to you ..." or "Let me think about it ..." to gain time. With maintaining composure, you can save more energy to cope with the situation.
2. Keep your distance and wait to vyborom
Not all aggressive and controlling people are worthy of your attention. Appreciate your time and remember that your happiness and well-being is also important. If the card is not delivered something important, do not suffer, trying to fight the negative mood. If you are dealing with an angry driver, pushy overbearing relative or head, keep a healthy distance and avoid interaction with it, only if you do not have to.
Sometimes you may feel that you are "stuck" with a difficult person and "no way out of here." In this situation, the action to wait on. Discuss the situation with your friends that you trust, ask for advice on how you better act while in the first place, consider your well-being and priorities. The solution is always there, the main thing to be able to see it.
3. Anonymity and anticipation instead reaktsii
The memory of nature aggressive and controlling your people will help you depersonalize the situation and take the initiative. One of the effective ways to depersonalize the situation - a moment to stand in the other person. Consider a situation in which you communicate with the offender and should finish the sentence "I guess not easy ...».
«My friend is very aggressive. Probably hard to get out of an environment where all are forced to compete with each other ... ».
"My manager is very overbearing. Probably difficult to meet such high expectations that lay at her senior managers ... »
"My partner is so my control! Probably not easy to grow in a family where you always say, what to do ... »
blockquote> It should be noted that the sensitivity does not excuse unacceptable behavior. The point is to remind yourself that people do what they do based on their own problems. While we are sensible and careful behavior of others more difficult to say about them than about us. Cutting personalization, we can be less reactive, and you can redirect the energy to solve problems.
4. Know your basic prava
When you are dealing with a difficult person, it is important to remember about their rights and to notice if they violate.
As long as you do not harm others, you can defend themselves and protect their rights. Here are some fundamental human rights:
- You have a right to be treated with respect;
- Do you have the right to express their feelings, opinions and desires;
- You have the right to set their own priorities;
- Do you have the right to say "no" guilt;
- Do you have the right to receive something for which you pay;
- Do you have the right to opinion different from other people;
- You have the right to defend itself from the physical, mental and emotional threats;
- You have the right to a happy and healthy life. ul > These fundamental rights are and your limits.
Of course, in our society there are many people who do not respect these rights. In particular, aggressive, intimidating and controlling individuals want to deprive you of your rights so that they can control and use you. But you have the power and moral authority to say that the owner of your life - you yourself, not your abuser.
5. Pay attention to them obschestvennosti
The usual pattern of behavior unpleasant personalities is that they draw attention to you, to make you feel uncomfortable or defective. Typically, they quickly point out that you do something wrong, or you're doing something wrong. And the focus is the question, "what's wrong" rather than "how to solve the problem».
This type of interaction is often designed for dominance and manipulation rather than genuine concern about the issue. If you react defensively, you fall into the trap, giving more power to the aggressor, while he or she finds fault with impunity to you. A simple and effective way to change this dynamic - to attract the attention of others back to this complex man, and the easiest way to do it - by asking questions:
The aggressor: "Your proposal is not like what I need from you».
Answer: "Given you a clear idea of what you need from me?»
The aggressor, "You are so stupid».
Answer: "If you continue to treat me without due respect, I'm not going to talk to you. You want it? »
blockquote> Specify the constructive and detailed questions. Drawing attention to the aggressor, you can neutralize him or her undue influence on you.
The second way to break negative communication - to change the subject. Just say, "By the way ..." and go to a new topic of conversation. When you do this, you can control the flow of the conversation and set a constructive tone.
6. In relatively mild cases show his composure with an appropriate yumora
Humor - a powerful tool of communication. Many years ago I knew a colleague who was quite arrogant and intimidating. Once our common colleague asked him: "Hello, how are you?" When selfish colleague completely ignored her greeting, she was not offended. Instead, she smiled and joked good-naturedly: "That is good, huh?" This statement melted the ice, and they began a friendly conversation. Great.
When used correctly, humor can shed light on the truth to disarm the aggressor and to show that you own a beautifully. In my book "How to communicate effectively and to deal with difficult people» («How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People») I explain the psychological role of humor in conflict resolution and propose different ways of using humor to reduce or eliminate attacks.
7. In serious situations point to the consequences to be persuaded to sotrudnichestvu
When aggressive, intimidating or controlling you people coming to your borders and do not take "no", point to the implications of this.
This ability - one of the most important skills that you can use to "give his resignation" a difficult person. If properly formulated, a consequence of stopping the aggressor and makes him or her to move from humiliation to respect. In my book consequences presented as seven different kinds of pressure that can be used for positive changes.
In conclusion, to know how to deal with difficult people, you need to really master the art of communication. If you use these tips, you will experience less sorrow, greater self-confidence, improve relationships, and possess communication skills. You are on your way to success!
via factroom.ru
