6 errors worldview that spoil your life

We publish a translation of an article of the blog www.cracked.com.

blockquote> The experts found that the human brain has a number of strange "feedback loops" that strongly inhibit all our attempts to find happiness. And if you think life is full of cruel ironies, this source can be within you. If you are going to have to look away, thinking that all this is - nonsense invented by housewives for complacency, let's begin.

1. We think that happiness - is to gluptsov

Imagine a completely happy man. We assume you have imagined some very extravagant character from the sitcom, or any romantic comedy.

This is someone who is always smiling, always waving to strangers and dancing in the rain just because he likes it. That is, it enjoys little things, not worrying too much about the world. This man is infinitely optimistic and confident that everything will be okay. Probably, he is an artist. Or someone like an artist.

We suggest that you imagined the man as A) childishly naive or B) stupid.

In other words, somewhere deep inside you is rooted idea that this man - not that happy. He just did not pay attention to the really important things, or simply suffering from some disease of the brain.

Such people are happy as happy can be a child or a dog. That is just happy because I did not know any better. It is only brooding geniuses eventually drink too much, or commit suicide. Not only because they see the whole tragedy of this world, but because they see all the situations in which they were not up to scratch: it involves self-awareness of the full own shortcomings.

But is it bad?

Obviously, a healthy wholly adult has some identity. Knowing who you are, how you influence others. But it seems that too much self-consciousness can literally be fatal.

Psychologists believe this is because there are two ways that you can live your own life: self-reflection (ie, analysis of their thoughts, feelings and actions in an attempt to understand what is better) and "samoedstvo" (ie, infinite focus on everything that will lead to failure).

The first way to make you healthier, happier (and more popular), and the second makes you miserable, to the point that once you begin to hate even those who hypothetically could be happier than you.

If you ask us how to live, using only the first, and without falling into the second - let us know if you will understand this. Or you can go write some book about self-help and become a millionaire.

At the moment, most people can not regulate self-loathing without chemical interference from outside.

And it looks (from our non-scientific point of view), that part of the problem lies in the fact that ...

2. We believe that optimism is akin bredu

Many people (or, at least, many pessimists) seems, just do not understand what optimism.

This is not a selfless disregard for reality. By contrast, the adoption of this terrible reality for what it is, and knowing what you can get through it, but if you hold down the button "on».

This is what some call the "paradox of Stockdale," which was named in honor of prisoners of war in Vietnam, and in honor of the victims of torture. They found that the "optimistic" prisoners "break" one of the first, or rather broke, those who thought that optimism - this is just another way to lie to myself:

«They were the ones who said," We're going away for Christmas. " Christmas has come and passed. Then they said, "We're going away for Easter." Easter has come and passed. And then the day of Thanksgiving, and then - again Christmas. And they died of a broken heart ».

blockquote> Stockdale method was to admit that the situation is - incredibly hard, but also recognize the fact that even in such circumstances, can survive. His first step was to develop a system of codes that allowed prisoners to communicate with each other, and made it possible to support each other after the torture. The system allows every prisoner to get outside his own head, in other words, the universe of each of them is no longer reduced to a tiny bamboo cage and a black cloud of despair.

More Stockdale wrote letters home, full of coded information, without having the slightest idea about how they will reach the addressee or not.

In other words, his self-analysis of the situation was continued in action and not in further self-reflection.

And now the most important part: the belief that all his work will pay off, had no foundation - many prisoners never returned home (remember that all this happened ten years before the appearance of the Rambo films). But that was not the point: the effort, and the belief that he can get through this, help him get to the end of everything. And even if he had, instead of achieving their "Promised Land," died on the way there, then, so be it.

He kept trying, and it made his life more bearable.

3. Our brain is designed so that small inconvenience enrage us is much stronger than the real tragedii

Internet is famous for the fact that people there do not know a sense of proportion when it comes to complaints. Flagrant human rights violations can obtain the strength of a few retweets, but a slight change in the settings of some of the popular video game can cause a storm of death threats. When any popular site changes the font in one of its sections, the section is filled with hundreds of requirements to return everything as it was. And it's not just because the Internet is full of crazy trolls. The main reason is the way our brain processes frustrating.

Ask yourself, which is why you are upset over: because of the closure of your favorite coffee shop, or due to the loss of one of their fingers?

Are you frustrated more because of the second, right?

No.

Statistically more likely that you have successfully adapted to operate with nine fingers, but the need to go somewhere else to drink coffee, you will not be able to adapt. The reason is that your brain is built certain mechanisms that allow you to cope with the tragedy, only they do not work, if the tragedy is not enough serious.

That is, after the loss of a finger will be used all kinds of thought processes aimed at helping you survive the loss. However, these processes have their price: they take a lot of your attention, and absorb a lot of energy. That is why they are included only in emergency situations.

This is reminiscent of a doctor who prescribes you Vicodin to relieve you of phantom pain in the absence of a finger, but the same doctor refuses to prescribe you Vicodin for pain relief caused by trivial burr.

As a result, the burrs cause much more pain.

All this means that in our daily lives is the notorious "burrs" make us unhappy. For the vast majority of us it is some small trouble, spoiling the mood for the whole week. Some biting remark from the cashier. Your parking space that someone took. A friend, who had forgotten to thank you for a gift.

We never spend the hard work to rationalize the things that, in our opinion, "do not pose much of a problem».

Instead, every time we complain about these things to anyone who is willing to listen to us, and we feel anger every time you remember how much pain we inflict these little things.

And yes, that's not the worst.

Just think about all those moments when there is a "burr". You played your friend many years ago, but he still refuses to talk to you. You are insulting joke about his girlfriend back in the year 2009, but she still remembers it.

Why they can not let go of it? That would be so cool! Well, now you know the answer.

You have not done anything serious for them to have done the heavy mental work and forgave you. It is "not a big problem," and so they will remember it as long as it will read your obituary.

And if we're talking about a relationship turns into mutual torture ...

4. Relationship hurt, loneliness hurts even more ("hedgehog's dilemma") 68,415,366

Okay, let's do a quick one cheerful exercise. Remember the last time you were hurt. And no, it does not hurt because of some trifles. This refers to a real pain, that kind of pain, which leaves us with no choice but to howl.

I bet this hurt you caused someone you know well. And that hurt you so much, this man was supposed to be near you.

Freud even wrote about it in his time: proximity, by definition, means a reduction in "defense capability" and it makes you vulnerable. But when someone who you let in through the open hole, suddenly betrays you, you swears it will never let this happen again. And the only way to achieve this - not to allow anyone to approach.

This is the "hedgehog's dilemma».

When it's cold, they huddle together to keep warm. But the more they are pressed against each other, the more they prick each other, which makes them drift apart.

Probably no need to explain how it applies to us, right? You feel the cold loneliness, but you also feel a sweet, guilty relief when your friends are suddenly canceled their plans and decide to stay with you. You experience bouts of anger when someone comes to you without warning. But then, after a weekend in which you repeatedly watched the replay favorite TV series, you will once again begin to feel the taste of loneliness.

People - social animals. And loneliness for them is something like slumber. We were good when we do it, but if you stay in this state for a long time, it is a direct ticket to the hospital.

Variants of this situation is seen in all three:

Start to move away from a society stronger and stronger until your insulation does not turn into anger. Follow the advice of the philosopher Schopenhauer, who recommended all be on some small but safe distance, and to enter into minor and completely harmless relationships that are unlikely to cause serious pain. I come out, and time after time to feel pain, just accept the fact that all relationships from time to time can be painful. Even casual friendship can lead to frustration and occasional petty treason. Some might call it "the only right option." 5. We are lying about what really want, because we believe it makes us beskorystnymi

Ask anyone definition of the word "selfish." The answer will always be about the same: "This is a man who does not care about anyone but themselves».

It does not matter how it manifests itself: it may be too aggressive, maybe he refuses to cooperate, or something else. The source of this behavior is always the same.

The good news here is that to become the opposite of the egoist is quite simple: you just have to put aside their own desires and needs in deference to the people around you. From this it is logical to assume that the most perfect, the most holy man - the one who does so all the time.

Here are just such people - a nightmare for others. If a certain group of them has at least two, everything is flying to the devil.

This is called "paradox Alibina».

Here's how it works: Each member of the group wants to appear selfless person. But this means that he must hide their true preferences and desires in favor of other group members. This requires knowledge of the preferences of others in the group, but they know it is not possible, because these people also hide their desire to benefit others. As a result, some of the members of the group begins to act on a false set of assumptions about what others want. As a consequence, all in such a group will be unhappy.

Of course, the honest statement of what you want, does not make you selfish. Egoist makes you just concealing their true desires.

However, the only way we can feel that went to the noble sacrifice.

All this leads us to ...

6. You do not want to be a burden to others and it makes you a burden to drugih

Nobody wants to be in need. We are all learning on their own to cope with its own problems, because the only person you can trust in this big bad world is yourself.

That's why all the popular movie heroes such independent and separate guys. Batman does not need anything from the world - a world in need of it. And in general, the absence of parents, need to find their own way - this is the reason for which he became Batman.

And more: the provision of assistance to people makes them even more helpless, is not it?

So if we want people to become self-sufficient and awesome, they have to stop to insure.

The reluctance of people to be in need often leads to big problems. Yet it would be far better if people just admit that he needs help when he really needs it.

This relationship is paradoxical, and it is applicable to almost any kind of human interaction. Too much dependence on others (financial, emotional, or some else) - is obviously bad. However, the reluctance to admit that you need other people - it's even worse. And not just for you but for them.

It begins as early as infancy: the formation of adults is necessary, depending on the child to develop. So we arranged. And vyshvyrivanie kid on the street to himself produce their own food, do not make him strong and independent, it simply breaks. Yes, he will continue to wear the costume of a bat and start hitting people when grow up, that's just it is unlikely he will do so in the framework of the fight against crime.

People - social animals, and this fact can not be ignored. Self-sufficiency does not mean that you should never ask for help. This world is full of broken people who remain so only because they can not admit that they need help. This is one reason why people are unhappy with malice refer to anything that can make them happy, and angry with everyone who recognizes that there is the need.

They look like a soldier who poses as a tough guy and refuses to care for his gunshot wound. But he quickly bleeds, and passes the rest of the fight.

Now ask yourself: this was a brave soldier, because not afraid to bleed, and he was a coward, because he was afraid to look weak in front of other men? Knowing the answer to this question can save your life.

via factroom.ru