The theme of communication in marriage - quite popular today. Kelly Flanagan, psychotherapist, writer and blogger, offers his view on this issue. Some of the items I was very surprised!
They say that often the fault of a bad marriage was the communication in the family. But personally, I think that communication - not a cause but a consequence of problems. We forget about many important things in a marriage, and the fellowship here at all to do with it. I>
1. We're getting married because we love this man. People change. So look into the future. Marry the man who is determined to become the person he wants. And then carry him all his life, enjoying every step of formation of a loved one. I>
2. Marriage does not take away our loneliness. Live - means to be lonely. It is the human condition. Marriage does not alter the human condition. He can not force us to be suddenly not alone. And when we once again feel that we are alone, we are beginning to blame the partner. Marriage is intended to be a haven, where two people share their experiences of loneliness and, in return, create moments where loneliness dissipated. Not for long. I>
3. The shame of the past. Yes, we all worried about it. We spend most of our adolescence and early adulthood, trying to pretend that our shame does not exist. But when the person we love, reminds us of this, we blame him. But the truth is that the loved one does not create in us a sense of shame, and therefore can not destroy it. Only we in strength to overcome this. I>
4. The ego always wins. As a child ego warns us against falling. In marriage as it becomes some kind of a wall between the spouses. Practice openness instead of a defensive reaction, forgiveness instead of revenge, instead of excuses guilt, vulnerability, instead of force and grace instead of power. I>
5. Marriage - erratic. And when something goes wrong, we blame the partner. But we must understand that life is difficult to plan. And therefore it is better to trust in the beloved partner and together overcome this mess. I>
6. Empathy - it's a great work. By its very nature, empathy can not appear at the same time between two people. One partner always starts first - and it is a certain risk of being wounded. I>
7. We care more about our children than about the people who helped us outgrowths them. Our children should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. Family - is a constant search for balance. I>
8. The hidden power struggle. Most conflicts in marriage rooted in part of negotiations between partners. Men tend to want less. Women tend to want more. Sometimes, these roles are reversed. But the fact remains - each of them is committed to ensuring that it was the last word. I>
9. We do not know how long to maintain an interest in one person. We live in a world where something all the time distracts our attention. The practice of meditation teaches us to be focused on one thing. Why not use these skills on a loved one? It is very necessary to the marriage prospered. I>
It is not difficult to teach the couple to properly communicate with each other. But, believe me, it will not save a marriage, if the couple does not understand the true cause of their problems. Marriage - is the daily work on yourself, on the bugs, on the relationship. Appreciate it! I>
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