Female conspiracy or what is the meaning of existence of male

< Lydia Raevskaya ~ Stifler's Mom

The epigraph
I do not need the celestial heights
I do not want caves of the earth.
I would silence. And smooth and pi *.
And yet, so I do not mind whether the e *. ©

Everyone knows that a woman can zae * at without undressing. Moreover, this ability genetically inherent in us from birth. Any boy, still in kindergarten knows that girls - are beings from another planet. Here he sits in the far corner of the sandbox, and he's got a tank battle. Our attacking fascists explode, overwhelmed with work. Then hop - behind him appears a girl! A girl of four years, with a doll arm. It is two minutes silence and disapproving looks at him, and then asked: What are you doing?
He told her, of course, does not answer. Because the question is silly. Are you blind or something? You do not see that there is a tank battle fascists explode?
And she sees. Just not what you see it. She sees a boy who shoveled the whole sandbox, in which the sand and in the nose and ears, and even on the head. In one hand he had a plastic tank without caterpillars, the other - a toy soldier with a torn foot, which he shouting "Dydysch!" - Throws up, and something violently happy. Well, do not fool? And now the girl to tell him that he's an idiot. And his stupid games. In general, it is all dirty in the sand, and right now, it will nazhaluyuetsya educator, and she put it in a corner.
He suffered until recently, in the hope that this creature with pigtails Now go away and leave him alone. But being with pigtails never leave him the last word. Never. And she knows how to attract his attention. And now, little legs in brown sandalike comes to his barricades and trenches.
And yet. And automatically arm itself rises, and a small witch flies on the forehead plastic spatula. Witch loud roar, roar at resorts teacher, lecturing that girls can not hurt, and now he must ask forgiveness from Amy.
He looks at the insidious Light out triumphantly with what she stands near the kindergarten teacher, trying to squeeze out of himself a couple of tears, and all your male instinctively feels it babsky plot !!! Why should he apologize for this disgusting Light itself first start? Why no one wants to listen? Why is everyone trying to tell him that the light has come on your trenches - no one listens? He offended the girl, no matter how or why. Excuse me and let's apologize, my friend. He wants it or not. Otherwise, he now go stand in the corner, and in the evening his mother nazhaluyutsya at him, and his mother, his dearest person - also say, Nick, how could you hit a girl shovel ?? Immediately and I apologize to the light!
So, four years old, the boy becomes a man. Men who understood the hard way that contact with women - our own peril. Better to remain silent. Or patiently answer all the dumb questions babskie. And God forbid to threaten on her shoulder blade! Women have a magical gift to materialize out of thin air a couple more of some women that B * yasto hang over you, and will appeal to your conscience and forced to apologize for any n * xp dog at all.
In the garden - a teacher and your own mother. The school - it is her friends and teacher. A twenty-five years - even all at once: and thy mother, and her mother, and their girlfriends, wives, and even your own friends! All of them against thee like ghouls Khoma Brutus - and will howl, yell and scare you Viy.
And you're only a play in tanchiki! You come home from work, tired Uncle Tom and a hungry, eat at home and nothing! Because your wife is on a diet. So, in this house a month will not eat anybody, even a cat. And try to say a word on this subject! Wife sob in his voice, say what you sow and cattle - because she sat on a diet just for you! And you, instead, to evaluate its zhertvy- more and insulted her, asking for a piece of meat ?!
No, you can indefinitely pereorat try it, and scream that you and so it is really like, and it does not need any diet, and in general it is very beautiful and thin, but all in vain. You can not hear. She sobs into the phone, complaining to your mother and her ten girlfriends. And they are all very sympathetic to her and say: We warned you that he was a goat and th * ak! You're not listening.
And maybe you were never fond Tanchico. Maybe you're a child loved the bugs under a microscope to look at and do it until now. Maybe you have even three scientists degree in microbiology, but who f * gm? You did not notice that she had a new hairstyle and fashionable staining Ombre? Why are you a beast of such heartless ?! Do you even notice anything other than its kozyavok microscope ?! Why are all the women as the men the men: go fishing, play in tanchiki people - one you like a freak, with its shrimp!

Yes, we need all your free time. All 24 hours. At the same time you have to somehow manage to work and earn money. Just do it, you have to like Elena Lovely night. While we sleep. That while we sleep - we do not need you. Use this great opportunity to earn money! Yes, that really there, walk so to walk - you can even for a quick run to the fishing, the bugs under a microscope to look and play tanchiki. Along with earning money. So we woke up in the morning - and in bed next to you, and money. Besides, you should also be fresh and sleep because we woke up and we want to se * ca and breakfast in bed.
And you'll do it all - we did not care. And not because we are rubbish and swine, and because we were born here such. There are, of course, exceptional women who understand everything that the brain can not stand, and that even with you blow the Nazis. But very few of them and they are well hidden. To its not eaten.
Your task - to find them.
I think I just realized what is the meaning of the male existence.

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