10 meaningful advice from a practicing psychologist Natalia Belousova about how a woman love a man
"Over the last six years of practice, I talked to two hundred-odd couples, mostly heterosexual, and this experience allows to question the beautiful phrase of Leo Tolstoy that every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Says psychologist Natalya Belousova.
In fact, the number of constructive and destructive patterns of behavior very limited. Provided that the final amount of the factors that shape the identity of psychology is much more like a math than you think. And certainly there are things that can be taken out of the brackets, in most equations.
Naturally, all individually, but the average woman - more emotional being, the fact that to come to a logical conclusion, it takes more time. In the gap between feeling and thought it time to commit follies and spoil the communication. In light of the inexperience and features of education, some of the girls live exclusively in this period of time they have no reason ever, because overtakes another emotion or imagination, and the cycle begins again. Boring men are not naturally inclined to build castles in the air inside, and live in a geometrically simple world seemingly obvious realities. To get out of the gloom, a woman is accustomed to inhibit their emotional processes and boost mental, and at first even mindlessly follow rules from Aunt psychologist.
1. Every minute, remember what the purpose of your relationship with a man
In normal people, the purpose of the relationship - to provide maximum comfort for a long time, that is, do yourself and your partner happy. Here and repeat it to myself every time have to hunt to teach, heal, criticize your guy, take it out on him during PMS, violently jealous, try to find out about his leisure, to express an opinion about his friends, argue about politics, religion and color of his pants. Is it worth your rightness or interest in a particular situation of peace and joy, that you deprive a partner? In therapy sessions, I listen to a couple, and each individual, and so, without going into specifics antietichnuyu, but conforming to the spirit of freedom, I can say that about two-thirds of the sources of conflict are described scheme "woman problem came up out of the blue and inflated lack of response to her man to scale Tragedy ».
2. Praise him
If he is not worth all the praise and make crooked, what the hell do you do next with this loser? Go away, do not prolong the agony for each other, see. P. 1. Do not be grumpy for a mother, a strict boss, capricious daughter - all of these incarnations take only positive components: a constant but unobtrusive care, interest in his growth, his admiration steepness. Many a child heard the expression "to praise - has deteriorated," and so it is a myth, an adult sane person to praise impossible, he has self-strap. And praise - not to flatter, it means looking at him with a desire to see the good. Praise pleasant to everyone, do not take it for service you - there are smarter people with whom he will talk.
3. Do not humiliate him and not on the people skandalte
Showdown in public places - a taboo, because the public image of a respectable and reliable for men are much more important than for a woman who under the current social system can still afford to be pretty frivolous fluff. When the "half" the most trusted person begins to undermine the authority of the men in front of his friends, colleagues or the crowd in the subway, it is perceived as a stab in the back. This often forgiven, but never forgotten. To force a man to lose face - one of the greatest strategic blunders woman in a relationship. You do the call, do not hesitate. So wait with claims to the house, along with cool down, to understand them, see. P. 1.
4. Do not use appeals to him diminutivov
Vitenka, chick, kotinka, hare, and Masya lapulya - it's not your guy who sees himself in a dream. It's as if he began to call you "mother", "friend", "soldier Jane", "supersiski" or "Miss blowjob 2013". Presented? Forget about the diminutive suffix forever.
5. Keep it endeavors, even the most idiotic
When he takes your wedding rings, even a little bit to play on the machines is one thing. When he enjoys ice fishing, playing the trombone, embroidery cross, biathlon, collecting garden gnomes, sales adzhika own seaming via the Internet - is quite another. The desire to meet with hostility, new initiatives in the nature of every human being, because any system tends to keep his balance, but then you have to be smarter than nature. Based on a realistic estimate of the maximum possible damage to you personally and obschesemeynomu welfare. You feel sorry for a couple of thousand dollars to be happy loved one with the fish, and then you wonder how vehemently he hates your trips to the shoe store? Well cluttering the hallway gnomes and two balconies, and that is the truth so badly? Again: do not vote and do not support you - it will make someone else, and in this moment you are Depart.
6. The most stunning views - for him, not for meeting classmates
Hunter syndrome is winning, losing interest in the game caught, peculiar to women no less than men. What you zahomutat it into cohabitation or tie the knot, it does not mean that he was now in love with you forever. Yes, it's gone, vile and banal, but about half of my male patients complained of facts prenebreganiya woman in their appearance after the relationship entered a stable track. If he was fascinated physicist with gray hair and brown plaid vest and worn top-boots, he knew what he was talking. But once you are in the wedding photo blonde curls and roses, but now shorn something in a comfortable suit, do not blame me if you cease to be perceived as an attractive female. Especially, when you paint on corporate parties and buying new clothes and go home a la naturel in the same pastel things (which are perceived as men's eyes faded). It's very simple, but women do not cease to make that mistake. You do not have to love the way you have (and you do not have to like a priori, see. P. 1).
7. He is the main point and
Seriously, it's so convenient. The main problem is trying to feminists, figuratively speaking, to unload the cars, when instead you can dance. Does evolution, social attitudes and education in most families, but for the grown man as problem solver, a leader, a captain, and so on. This does not humiliate you, if you do not decide what you want to be humiliated. One girl perceives filed arm when leaving the bus as the gallantry, the other - as an allusion to her inability to jump over a puddle of physical weakness due to the short legs. Clearly, some of them enjoys socializing with the opposite .... and which is suffering from the oppression of the chauvinists. And it's for you to decide which girl to be. Give him a joy to be strong, act, think and play first fiddle. Give the man to lead, and the dance work. Let it is not always right, you can then quietly fix the situation: even when in fact you are doing the lion's share, if you love your partner - to simulate the painting "you're my hero, I'm just waiting in the wings," there is no trouble. Implement its will to power elsewhere. For example, gay men, they do not care.
8. Talk about the important things straight, without a hint
Men understand the allusions, but more often it hints of other men, or those hints that it is beneficial to understand. They (except perhaps the Japanese) not to talk about the fact Aesopian language. When your husband wants to sell the client party of motorcycles, he said: "We have a well-known brand, the average warranty period on the market, and for you we shall throw off wholesale 7%," not "faded autumn leaf on a lonely elm that grew up on the hill bleak and it is time to harness horse iron reasonable creature, and these places to run quickly to the south. " Therefore presented in simple, but not globally, not "just say you stopped loving me, huh?", But "I'm tired of your collecting worms for ice fishing throughout the home, not for this my mother raised, hiring a housekeeper».
9. Do not place it in the center of your universe, and do not ask him to put you in the center of its
I do not mean the genuine concern for each other's needs and the depth of love and demands attention for detail. Half-hour talk on the phone and VKontakte five times a day for anything annoy almost any man. Psychological dependence on its views flattering him, but annoying too. Therefore, do not try to officially dedicate their lives to it, it's great scares and accusations of negligence in conjunction with meaningless emotional manifestations very quickly tired him, and you will be weeping and cries "ungrateful, I gave him all of myself." All you even do not need, be honest. And so it is clearly reasonable to offer the most attractive part.
10. Learn to cook
And cook. It is not discussed. The equivalent of "it is not ready" for you to understand - is "he brings home less money than she." Well, we have the same equal rights, you're like this? ".